Tag Archives: girl talk

Girl Talk: I’m A Stress Seeker

My name is Amelia and I am a stress seeker. According to a recent article in Women’s Health, stress seekers are “addicted to high-anxiety lifestyles … because somewhere along the line being stretched to the limit turned into a badge of honor.” I know about when it happened for me. When I was suddenly dumped by my fiance, after nearly five years together, I threw myself into my job. Working gave me something to focus on when the question, Who am I without him?, was keeping me up at night. No longer his fiancee, I needed to be of value to someone or something else. He didn’t want to marry me anymore, so I married my job instead. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Is “I Love You” Really That Important?

“I love you,” I told Jeremy, gazing deeply into his eyes. I was 13 and he had just given me a mix tape containing “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam and “November Rain” by GNR. To me, this meant we were in love.

“I love you too,” he said.

I expected a band of unicorns to prance through the streets, for archangels to play trumpets, for a spontaneous firework show. It wasn’t really like that. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: The Quickie Breakup Vs. The Slow Band-Aid Peel Off

In the few months following my breakup from Mr. Ex-Jessica, if and how to couple up again has hovered in the periphery of my mind. It’s clear to me that I’m still very sore about the breakup and earning my trust will be a slow, perhaps even Sisyphysian Sisyphean, task for a man. But still I want occasional companionship: although there’s plenty of things to enjoy about being newly single, like lots of time to read books and hang out with my girl friends, it’s also nice to have drinks and flirt with a dude sometimes. I am OK at this point with that companionship being totally casual. In fact, I think it has to be casual. I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship or to be anyone’s girlfriend so soon.

I thought I’d found someone online to casually date: he’s smart, he’s funny, he took care of me, and he understood how sore I still am from the breakup. He’s an all-around wonderful guy who would make a great boyfriend to someone. It warmed the cockles of my black, bitter heart to know that there are good single men out there. But after about six weeks or so of going on dates once or twice a week, it became clear to me that our personalities are just too different. We clashed so many times that the romantic butterflies flew away, so to speak. I wrestled with the idea of continuing to date him because, after all, it was just casual. But putting myself in his shoes, I asked if I’d want someone to keep going on dates with me even if they weren’t feeling anything anymore. I decided “no” and that I would end things with him.

But the way I finally broke up with him was just … not … good. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: When Breakups Get Ugly

I guess I was lucky: I made it to age 26 without any really messy breakups. Sure, there were breakups that I thought were bad at the time. In the moment, they all felt terrible. But getting dumped after traveling an hour and a half to see someone or getting dumped on a sailboat in the middle of Long Island Sound — two breakups from my “Worst Of The Worst Highlights Reel” — mostly turned out to be good stories later. Hurt feelings soothed, cooler heads prevailed and I’m pretty much on friendly terms with everyone I’ve ever dated. I even had a coffee with one of my ex-boyfriends just recently. For better or for worse, I’m a deeply loyal and forgiving person. I see the best in people because I want to see the best in people. My most recent breakup was messy and nasty from the get-go and I’m adamant now that we can’t be friends. I put that relationship behind me as much as I could. So I was totally unprepared this week when it once again got unexpectedly nasty. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: My Bully Was My Best Friend

I met Rebecca when I was eight and forced by my parents to join an AYSO soccer team called the “Killer Bees” because my mom thought it imperative that even scrawny girls who much preferred watching late night re-reruns of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” should get out and enjoy bitter winds of Chicago fall on the lakefront.  Early on, my feminist mother had adopted a policy that my brother and I had to do the same extracurricular activities, a policy that sometimes made me the only girl at a football camp or meant that both my brother and I had to take carpentry lessons.  In this case, my six-year-old brother had become a soccer fanatic overnight and I had landed in a pair of golden knee guards. (To this day I consistently get panic attacks when someone  peppily utters the phrase “Shake it Off!” ) Keep reading »

Girl Talk: What To Expect When You’re (Young And) Expecting

I have teen pregnancy on my mind today. In case you haven’t heard, today is the National Day to End Teen Pregnancy, and 16 years ago, I was a pregnant teen. I always knew motherhood would be an important part of my life, and when I was 18 and found out I was pregnant, there was a voice inside of me that said, calmly and clearly, Now is the time. Keep reading »

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