Ughhhhh, he is infuriating, I thought as I scanned Paul*’s Facebook page. There were new status messages — “carboloading” — a recent video of him performing, and links to new posts on his blog. Facebook told me what parties Paul had recently attended and which ones he had just RSVP’d to; it told me “Paul and So-and-So are now friends” and that new friend made a reference to how great it was to meet him. I felt my mouth puckering in the way that my friend Erin refers to as “Cat Ass” — tight and pissed. I wanted to scream expletives at him, eviscerate his ego, slap him, do something to show him just how hurt I was. Instead, I took a deep breath and clicked the window closed. You’ve moved on, Amelia, I thought. You’re over him. You realized you deserved way better than what he could possibly give. There’s no point in being angry. Keep reading »
Can you see yourself with him forever? I asked myself just, oh, the other day.Yes. Yes I can. I had asked this question of myself a few months ago too, but about someone else. The answer was the same. And about six months before that. Same question, same answer. Did I mention I’m currently single?
This week, I read Dater X’s latest column with great interest. The idea that maybe we should be asking ourselves bigger questions — “Can I see myself marrying/spending my life with this person?” — about the people we date is not a foreign concept to me. I ask myself that question almost right away with nearly every single person I date; and, with a few exceptions, my subconscious usually answers “yes.” At least at first. Keep reading »
There seems to be this undercurrent of a**hole-loving lately; my peers justifying their ill-advised decision to partner with people they believe can and will “change.” I’m all about personal preference, but it seems that while the Nice Guy/A**hole debate rages on, no one has stood up for the Good Guys. Keep reading »
Last week, I had dinner with a friend and a gauntlet of sorts was thrown: shape up and get some self-esteem, Julie, because you’re really bringing everybody down. Well okay, I thought. I get that. Nobody wants to hang out with a sad sack. But I just don’t know how you go about acquiring self-esteem.
This isn’t a ploy to get you to say nice things about me, or to pump me up with artificial compliments. I am truly at a loss as to how you transform the way you think about yourself. This is something that I’ve struggled with all my life. Keep reading »
I am in an open marriage. I know what you are probably thinking because, the first time a friend said this to me, I quickly felt myself growing judge-y. My knee-jerk thought was, She’s just doing this to please her husband. How sad. And then, Oh, they must want raise their kids commune-style. Can’t relate. But now, years later, I’ve realized that every relationship is unique, and it’s about finding what works for you.
So far, I’ve found a way to make my relationship with my husband, Edmund, keep its charm, passion, intimacy and commitment. And it has happened by opening the gates. Keep reading »