Can you see yourself with him forever? I asked myself just, oh, the other day.Yes. Yes I can. I had asked this question of myself a few months ago too, but about someone else. The answer was the same. And about six months before that. Same question, same answer. Did I mention I’m currently single?
This week, I read Dater X’s latest column with great interest. The idea that maybe we should be asking ourselves bigger questions — “Can I see myself marrying/spending my life with this person?” — about the people we date is not a foreign concept to me. I ask myself that question almost right away with nearly every single person I date; and, with a few exceptions, my subconscious usually answers “yes.” At least at first. Keep reading »
There seems to be this undercurrent of a**hole-loving lately; my peers justifying their ill-advised decision to partner with people they believe can and will “change.” I’m all about personal preference, but it seems that while the Nice Guy/A**hole debate rages on, no one has stood up for the Good Guys. Keep reading »
Last week, I had dinner with a friend and a gauntlet of sorts was thrown: shape up and get some self-esteem, Julie, because you’re really bringing everybody down. Well okay, I thought. I get that. Nobody wants to hang out with a sad sack. But I just don’t know how you go about acquiring self-esteem.
This isn’t a ploy to get you to say nice things about me, or to pump me up with artificial compliments. I am truly at a loss as to how you transform the way you think about yourself. This is something that I’ve struggled with all my life. Keep reading »
I am in an open marriage. I know what you are probably thinking because, the first time a friend said this to me, I quickly felt myself growing judge-y. My knee-jerk thought was, She’s just doing this to please her husband. How sad. And then, Oh, they must want raise their kids commune-style. Can’t relate. But now, years later, I’ve realized that every relationship is unique, and it’s about finding what works for you.
So far, I’ve found a way to make my relationship with my husband, Edmund, keep its charm, passion, intimacy and commitment. And it has happened by opening the gates. Keep reading »
When I first saw Wendi Deng Murdoch spike that foam-pie-throwing comedian-protestor’s head like a volleyball, I giggled with glee. Then I sighed with relief. Here, finally, was a portrayal of an Asian woman I could embrace. No timid China doll or obedient geisha, no mere trophy wife, Deng was the tiger wife, defending her assets – er, I mean husband – with a single, long-armed swipe.
But now I’m torn. While positive, tiger wife is still a stereotype, “a popular belief about specific social groups or types of individuals,” in this case Asian women of a certain age, and a tidy media invention banking on the popularity of Amy Chua’s tiger mother, and perhaps the Chinese phrase, lao hu, old tiger, said of ferocious older women. A stereotype with international appeal, and yet another one I’ll have to battle sooner or later. Keep reading »
“It’s not really a shock.” When a famous person dies from causes related to drug or alcohol addiction, this, or something similar, is one of the more common responses people have. While there are plenty of crueler things people can and do say, this bored and blase lack of surprise over the death of a human being tends to bother me the most.
That is because my father is an addict. He’s been an addict my entire life. And to not be shocked by someone’s death at the hands of addiction would mean I would have to have to reached some sort of placid acceptance that my dad will also inevitably suffer the same fate — that his getting “better” is out of the question. Keep reading »