There is one central question underlying every debate about homosexuality going on in our country today: Is being gay a choice or is it innate? Is there a gay gene? Was I born a lesbian? These are things I think about all the time, but have shielded away from addressing. Why? Because my take on it is not the norm. Most people who fight for gay rights cling to the it’s-not-a-choice argument. For them, people are gay from day numero uno, regardless of whether they embrace it at age 7 or 70. If you argue with someone who believes this, they’ll say, “Why would anyone choose to be gay?” It’s a compelling argument because gays and lesbians do not have equal rights and are looked at as second class citizens in many areas of the world, including, at times, right here in the United States.
But, somehow, I’m not convinced. Keep reading »
Before I was in a relationship, I crushed on my female friends with alarming frequency. In high school, I got turned on when I slept in the same bed with my best friend who I had known since I was 2 years old. Obviously, I never told her this and, since we don’t speak anymore, I’m going to take this one to my grave. (Um, unless, of course, she reads The Frisky!) Later, I tried like hell to hook up with another friend who claimed to be bi, but now says that she is straight. Oh yeah, and I’ve totally slept with my current bestie. Twice. Keep reading »
It took me months to convince my girlfriend to go to a lesbian bar with me, and only five minutes to ensure she’d never go again. In her mind, there was no point because she thinks gay bars are only for hooking up and meeting people. I would always staunchly disagree. I told her, “We can be ourselves at gay bars because we’re surrounded by people like us. It’s empowering!”
She wasn’t swayed by my enthusiasm. But finally, I did manage to get her to come to my favorite New York lesbian bar—Cubbyhole—on a Tuesday night when they have $2 margarita night. But I messed it up, big time. Keep reading »
Over the past few weeks, there have been numerous celebrity girl-on-girl kisses that were very, very public and got a lot of attention. Miley Cyrus got up close and personal with three different women during three different performances in June alone. And during the MTV Movie Awards, Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson awkwardly locked lips.
Straight female celebs kissing other straight female celebs is nothing new. Ever since that Britney Spears and Madonna smooch few years ago (oh yeah, Christina Aguilera was there too), faux onstage lesbianism has increased tremendously. No matter who is doing it or where it is, I find that my reaction is always the same—simple bewilderment. Keep reading »
Last week, the House voted 229 to 186 to repeal the controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” military policy, which essentially bans gays and lesbians from coming out while in the armed services. I appreciate this gesture from the House but, to be honest, I’m not really impressed. While this vote gives the illusion of doing something, the actual repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is still a long ways down the road and isn’t, by any means, a sure thing. Keep reading »
First it was gay and lesbian, then it was gay, lesbian and bisexual. Then someone threw transgender in the mix. Somewhere along the line, it became OK to refer to gays as queers and now, they’ve decided it’s LGBTQIA. That’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and allies. The “gay community” today includes everyone who doesn’t fit into the conventionally straight category, making for a “community” that isn’t a community at all but rather a dumping ground of people deemed deviant by society. We don’t have much in common except for the fact that our sexuality isn’t the type that’s found in the all-American vision of two kids and a white picket fence.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about why the “gay community” doesn’t seem to be able to get anything accomplished. We seem to be spinning our wheels in the mud, not moving forward. Once in a while, we seem to sink a little deeper. We don’t have gay marriage; we have Proposition 8, domestic partnerships and civil unions. We don’t have acceptance; we have an overly-sexualized reputation filled with stereotypes that all gay men talk with a lisp and are great dressers while every lesbian drives a pickup truck and hates men. We aren’t met with open arms. We’re met with furtive glances, cat calls and the occasional rude comment, at best.
Keep reading »
Last weekend, my girlfriend and I went to a pub full of guys shooting pool and drinking beer. We were there to see her friend, Mike, a DJ. He’s got a weekly gig at this place and, as he doesn’t seem to get too many of them, it’s pretty important that he keep it. I thought we were being pretty well-behaved. I’m not really big on PDA in places like that because, frankly, I feel out of place anyway and I don’t want to draw attention to myself.
But as the night progressed my girlfriend and I started to get tipsy. We didn’t do anything over the top but I know for a fact that I reached for her a couple times, danced with her and probably even kissed her. This is pretty standard stuff for a heterosexual couple, but I noticed that we were being gawked and glared at. I leaned over and asked my girlfriend’s guy friend if he’d noticed. He gave a fervent nod. Uh-oh. Keep reading »
A few weeks ago, my girlfriend’s father told her the family is taking a vacation to Maryland this summer. Her immediate response was, “I’m not going.” Desperate to get his very un-family-oriented daughter to participate, he quickly added, “Your girlfriend can come.”
She mentioned this to me on the phone later and, naturally, I was very enthusiastic. The two of us talked about how nice it would be to lie on the beach together, especially at night. We discussed swimming in the ocean and sleeping in every day for a week. By the end of our phone conversation, the two of us had talked so much about the trip, it felt like the trip had already happened.
But things changed when my girlfriend excitedly told her mother that I’d likely be going, too. Keep reading »
A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were in a pizza place and a group of big, drunk guys wearing sports jerseys and smelling of beer walked in. We were just leaving and as my girlfriend stood up, I looked at her and thought, “Wow, I’m so lucky to be dating her.” I couldn’t resist leaning over and pecking her on the cheek. Before you freak out, I didn’t suck on her neck or stick my tongue down her throat. I said peck. On the cheek.
But the boisterous jocks went silent and one of them whispered, “lesbians.” My girlfriend and I smiled and I rolled my eyes. Seriously, how could anyone be so juvenile? But as we were walking out the door one of the guys yelled something like, “Hey, do you girls like DILDOS!?!?” and the whole group just cracked up. Swearing, I turned back, determined to give those jerks a piece of my mind. But my girlfriend grabbed my hand and pulled me across the street.
“I was surprised you kissed me in front of them,” she said once I was done cursing. “I mean, you knew that would happen.” Keep reading »
Spring may have sprung last week, but here in New York City, things are still not heating up as much as I’d like. I don’t know about you but I’m dreaming of sun, sandy beaches and balmy breezes. In order to satiate my thirst for travel, I started doing some vacay research and I was surprised to learn that many popular destinations are totally unfriendly to LGBT peeps. So I decided to round up a list of places I’m going to avoid for my own safety, and places you should steer clear of just to make a point. Keep reading »