• girl on girl

Girl On Girl: How To Avoid Difficult Topics At Thanksgiving And Stuff Your Face In Peace

Nikki DowlingNovember 25, 2010 //

I spend most of Thanksgiving milling around an overheated room holding a glass of wine and making conversation with aunts, great aunts, second cousins, third cousins, fourth cousins twice removed and the great uncle of the neighbor down the street. At this year’s turkey-chomping fiesta, only about one in 10 of the people in the room will be unaware that I’m gay.

Normally, I’m totally down to talk about my sexuality (read: overshare). But I’ve been working 50-hour weeks, freelancing in the evenings and trying to use whatever spare time I have to keep myself in shape. In other words, I really, really need a vacation. And during that vacation, I do not want to broach difficult topics—such as why I’m gay or who I’m seeing. I want to scarf down gravy-smothered turkey, eat mashed potatoes, drink red wine and go to bed early. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: 8 Reasons I Love Being A Lesbian

Nikki DowlingNovember 11, 2010 //

I know that too often I write about homophobia, harassment and my own experiences with catcalling jerkfaces. But the truth is, I love being a lesbian and I wouldn’t change my sexuality for anything. If you don’t believe me—or even if you do—check out my list of reasons why being into chicks rocks. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: “Thintervention” Is Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Nikki DowlingOctober 28, 2010 //

I don’t usually watch TV because I get less than 15 channels and half of them are in Spanish. But lately my girlfriend and I have been watching “Thintervention” on demand at her apartment. In case you don’t know, “Thintervention” is about a group of overweight people being whipped into shape by Jackie Warner, a badass, super-fit trainer who made her debut into pop culture with “Work Out,” another show which I watched religiously.

Yes, I have a crush on Jackie. She is a lesbian and a fairly butch one at that. Her arms are extremely muscular and she has a stomach that I would do practically anything for. She gets in people’s faces, barks orders and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: I Remembered That Some People Still Hate Us

Nikki DowlingOctober 14, 2010 //

This month, the world went crazy. I don’t know if you noticed it where you live, but in my corner of the world—New York City—gay bashing and hate crime violence seemed to skyrocket. A few weeks ago, I was working at my newspaper job in the Bronx when we got a call about a body floating in the Harlem River. I didn’t know it then, but that body was a Rutgers University student who leaped to his death off the George Washington bridge after his classmate broadcast his gay hookup on the internet. Then, two men were arrested for attacking a gay man in the bathroom of the Stonewall Inn, one of my favorite gay bars and the birthplace of the gay rights movement. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: Is Being Out In The Workplace A Bad Idea?

Nikki DowlingSeptember 30, 2010 //

Since I work out in a boxing gym and am one of the only girls there, I always try to keep my head down, work hard and not engage too much with the guys, some of whom have serious boundary problems. So, a few weeks ago, when one of the trainers said, “So, what’s your boyfriend’s name?” I quickly responded, “I don’t have a boyfriend.” Unfortunately, this guy was persistent and asked, “Why not?”

After a few moments, filled with “well … um” and “uhh…,” I decided to tell him, even though it meant we were going to have to talk for a bit longer than I wanted to. “I’m gay,” I said. “I have a girlfriend.” Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: Can Someone Tell GLAAD 50 Cent Isn’t Worth It?

Nikki DowlingSeptember 16, 2010 //

Someone needs to tell the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) that 50 Cent isn’t worth the time it takes to call out his bigotry. And he certainly doesn’t deserve the effort required to launch a full-fledged campaign against him.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, 50 Cent took to Twitter last week and, in an angry tirade against Perez Hilton, dissed the entire LGBT crowd. He wrote: “Perez Hilton called me douchebag so I had my homie shoot up a gay wedding. wasnt his but still made me feel better. ” After this Tweet about women, he was already heading to the top of my list of “People I’d Like To Meet … And Knock Out,” and after this one, he took the #1 slot. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: What I’ve Learned About Dating Women

Nikki DowlingSeptember 2, 2010 //

My girlfriend and I recently celebrated our one-year anniversary by, well, not doing anything. We acknowledged that we’ve been together for a while, discussed our first date a bit and moved on. But just because we didn’t bust out chocolate mousse and champagne and light-scented candles doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking a lot about this past year and what I’ve learned from it. Since this is my first long-term lesbian relationship, I’ve noticed similarities and differences between gay and straight couples that people who have been dating women for a while might not realize exist. So, in honor of my one-year anniversary, I’ve decided to take a look back at the past year and share a few things I’ve learned — as well as what those bumps in the road taught me about myself, my girlfriend and lesbians in general. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: Lesbians, Stop With The Exclusivity Already!

Nikki DowlingAugust 19, 2010 //

I haven’t been out that long. And I haven’t been with, or even dated, that many women. These are facts I’m not ashamed to admit, and I don’t think they diminish the intensity of experiences and relationships I have had with women. Sure, it would be hard for me to do a long treatise on my struggles with being gay or write a handbook on dating and sleeping with women. I recognize the limitations of my lesbianism and I’m not trying to overstep or ignore them. But that hasn’t stopped the haters. Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: An Open Letter To Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Nikki DowlingAugust 5, 2010 //
girl on girl

Dear Elisabeth Hasselbeck,

I have to say, you truly enlightened me last week when you opened your trap on “The View” and said that women who turn gay later in life do so because they can’t get a man. You said, “I’ll tell you what’s happening. Older men are going for younger women and leaving the women with no one.” Keep reading »

Girl On Girl: Is Being Gay A Choice?

Nikki DowlingJuly 22, 2010 //

There is one central question underlying every debate about homosexuality going on in our country today: Is being gay a choice or is it innate? Is there a gay gene? Was I born a lesbian? These are things I think about all the time, but have shielded away from addressing. Why? Because my take on it is not the norm. Most people who fight for gay rights cling to the it’s-not-a-choice argument. For them, people are gay from day numero uno, regardless of whether they embrace it at age 7 or 70. If you argue with someone who believes this, they’ll say, “Why would anyone choose to be gay?” It’s a compelling argument because gays and lesbians do not have equal rights and are looked at as second class citizens in many areas of the world, including, at times, right here in the United States.

But, somehow, I’m not convinced. Keep reading »

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