When I’m really upset there is only one person I want to talk with: my mom.
“Mom?” I said, my voice wobbling. “Ashley got into med school.”
“That’s great!” Mom exclaimed. Like me, my mother has known Ashley since we met in kindergarten.
“Yes … but … she got in med school in Israel. She’s moving to Israel in July.”
“Good for her!” My mother didn’t understand what I was trying to tell her.
“Well, yes, it’s good she got into med school, but Mom, she is moving to ISRAEL in less than two months. Friggin’ Israel. Another one of my best friends is moving away. I should just move across the Atlantic Ocean at this point.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Maybe you’ll make some new friends?” Keep reading »
Women who demand respect often get exactly that. And why shouldn’t they? We not only deserve it, we should expect it. But there’s a tipping point when a woman’s demands jump the shark from self-respecting to totally high maintenance, or, as I like to call it, highmay. There are the obvious one-name offenders: Madonna and her overnight full body saran wrapping, Cher and her multiple costume changes. And then there are women who demand maintenance in ways that are less obvious, but just as lethal. She is “the worst kind,” as Harry so clearly explained to Sally. “You’re high maintenance but you think you’re low.” So girls and guys, I’m going to be like your cool older sister who bought your sorry 15-year-old ass beer from the Quickmart and offer you a few tips on how to preemptively spot a high-maintenance girlfriend. Because those dudes I described yesterday have company.
Gals, you can write your seemingly benign behaviors off as girly or cute, or you can see them for what they are—blinking red lights indicating you’re about to take the onramp to the highmay highway.
Guys, ignore the warning signs at your peril—unless, of course, you’re a glutton for punishment; then ending up with a woman who’s just like your highmay mother is probably inevitable.
What would I do without my girls?! Probably nothing. For reals, my BFFs don’t just make things possible, they make everything fun! And while I probs haven’t stomped around saying “boys drool!” since I was about six, here’s a list that totally validates the whole grammar school “girls rule” theory, now that we’re all grown up. Keep reading »
Girlfriends are getting a lot of flack these days. Despite the popularity of “Sex and the City,” “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” and “Lipstick Jungle” (well, maybe that one wasn’t so popular), female friendship is under attack. In the past few years it has become trendy to poo-poo girlfriends and hang with a posse of guys. Considering the legacy of girlfriendship in history and literature, I am surprised to find contemporary women viewing them with such disdain. I grew up reading about the bonds between sisters in “Little Women” and “Pride and Prejudice” and the unbreakable ties of friendship in “The Babysitters Club.” During grade school the notion of even being polite to a guy was incomprehensible; boys did have cooties, after all. As I grew, so did the possibility that a guy might make a decent friend. I think it must have been some time during high school, but suddenly every girl was touting that she didn’t hang out with girls, she preferred to have guy friends instead. Keep reading »
I have been truly lucky in my life in terms of the quality of female friendships I have experienced. As much as I love being in a romantic relationship with a man, the love in a girl friendship is somehow much sweeter. I tenderly look back at the hours on the phone every night giggling and gossiping over a shared secret. I remember long summer evenings at summer camp on the screened-in porch playing jacks. I can’t look at a piece of chocolate and not think back to the nights of gorging on Reese’s Pieces and watching all six hours of the BBC’s “Pride and Prejudice”… on VHS. Due to many circumstances, best girl friends have wandered in and out of my life for years. I moved, they moved, the event which brought us together ended — there are a myriad of reasons why a girl friendship can die a natural death. It is always a sad event, but when distance or time is the major culprit, these girl friendships often dissolve as innocently and seamlessly as they began. Keep reading »
Recently, a reader asked “Dear Prudence” how to “unfriend” a friend:
How do you “unfriend” someone, not on Facebook, but in real life? This is a person who is also friendly with someone I know well, so it is not unlikely that we might all get together through our mutual friend. However, it might seem odd to the mutual friend that I no longer wish to associate with this person. I see both of them at work and we often eat lunch together. How should I handle this? My main reason for unfriending this person is a serious lack of boundaries on their part (constant evangelizing me to her religion, constant “invitations” which are hard to say no to, bad manners, etc.).
Once, I had a flaky friend. Whenever I’d call her or make plans with her, she’d have one of three excuses: she was too tired, she was sick with a headache or a stomach ache, or she would have to call me back, which almost never happened. I got the hint. Either she didn’t value our friendship or thought her time was more important than mine, and I decided she and I didn’t really need to be friends. While it’s hard to end a friendship, a bad one can be as destructive as an abusive relationship. Here’s the best way to “unfriend” a friend if you find yourself in a similar situation. Keep reading »