Ivana Trump famously said, “Don’t get mad, get everything.” Jennifer from Greensboro, North Carolina, says whip out the charge card and buy yourself a humiliating billboard reading:
“Michael – GPS tracker – $250, Nikon camera with zoom lens – $1600, Catching my LYING HUSBAND and buying this billboard with our investment account – Priceless. Tell Jessica you’re moving in! – Jennifer.”
I hope Jessica is ready for this important step in their relationship. [AdWeek]
It is better to be single than badly accompanied: that is a truism of relationships that I’ve often reminded myself when the time came for a difficult breakup conversation. As we all know, time and distance can have blurring effects. You forget about the times he yelled at you in public or the snotty tone of voice he used when he talked down to you. You remember the cuddles and the kisses as if they were all you did, every time, even when you know this is not the whole story.
On Valentine’s Day — the day that is supposed to be about celebrating love and romance — it seems fitting to remember the guys who we are happy aren’t in our lives:
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Wow, what a crazy past few months. I believe I cared for myself pretty well after my big breakup, which was now almost four months ago. I surrounded myself with my family, which was easy because I moved back in with my parents. I spent a lot of QT with my girl friends. I drank and shopped and watched crappy TV shows, as you do. When I felt ready to poke my head out of my hole and venture out on dates again, I splurged on a couple pairs of sexy heels. I kept myself busy buying furniture for my new apartment, being a good sister and friend, doing my taxes — anything I could think of.
Now I’m all moved into my new place. I go on dates with a new guy, casually, once or twice a week. After months of tiny tornadeos wrecking havoc on the blessed life I had six months ago, outward appearances look like the dust has finally settled.
Inside? That’s a different story. Keep reading »
At first I was afraid, I was petrified … and then I realized I’m awesome and forgot about that loser. But if your breakup isn’t going as swiftly, get your hands on this “I Will Survive.” The Band-aid-like tin comes with a heart-shaped charm, a remedy booklet, and your very own recovery certificate. Most importantly, it also comes with affirmation cards for those dark moments when you can’t see out from the bottom of the pint of Chunky Monkey. Get this “I Will Survive” Breakup Kit and pair it with The Frisky’s very own 30-Day Breakup Guide, duh!
There’s never a perfect way to execute a breakup. But there’s certainly things men do that make it worse. (Or the way women break up with us, for those of you who are Sapphic-ly inclined.)
For instance, I had a guy break up with me after I’d just had sex with him and paid for his takeout sushi. My most recent breakup happened over the phone, he lined up a date with another girl literally the next week using a gift certificate his father had given me for Christmas, and he removed all my things from our bedroom and piled them on the kitchen table to “help” me move out. Oh, and there was the whole threatening to throw my things in the trash thing! That was fun, too. Really, a lovely breakup it was.
I know women who have gotten dumped on or just before Valentine’s Day. I know women who’ve gotten dumped over IM. I know women who have been cheated on with other women in their office. There’s clearly a lot of foul play out there when it comes to breaking up … so let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Keep reading »
After my recent breakup, 95 percent of the comments that people have made to me have been loving, supportive and wonderful.
And then there were the ones that were not. Well-meaning? Sure. But not helpful.
One person, for instance, called my Asian ex-boyfriend a “fortune cookie-roller.” Racism? Not helpful. One of my girl friends read his Facebook page and proceeded to tell me all the books and movies he likes that signify he’s a loser. Dissing the man I (still) love? Not helpful.
After the jump, 11 more things you should think twice, and then three times, about saying to a woman who has just been dumped. Keep reading »
Of all the aspects that were difficult about my recent breakup from my boyfriend of two years, the hardest was moving out of the apartment that we shared together. You can verbally say all kinds of things: we’re broken up, we’re on a break, we’re seeing other people, whatever. Those words might change from day to day. But pulling your sundresses off the closet hangers feels final. Same goes for taking your face wash out of the shower. I built a life, a relationship, with someone and then all of a sudden, it was just my things in an apartment that was now his. Keep reading »
In the weeks since my breakup, I have tried to be gentle with myself and practice self-care. I’m not always so good at self-care; normally I’m the type of person who says “should” a lot. I should watch this intellectual documentary. I should watch the news instead of a “Jersey Shore” marathon. It’s hard for me to just let loose and have fun. But I’m trying to give myself permission to do whatever it is I feel like doing that feels good! I’ve slept 10 hours a night and taken naps in the afternoon. I’ve baked chocolate chip cookies — twice. I’ve watched God-knows-how-many movies and episodes of “Skins,” season two, on Netflix Instant. I’ve squashed that little voice in my head that says, “You’re annoying them!” and called my best girl friends when I’ve needed to talk. I’ve even gone to a yoga class. I have to say that even though I don’t feel 100 percent better, I’m doing a decent job of distracting myself. But I know I’m not the only one who needs distracting: tons of Frisky commentors have told me they are going through breakups right now, too. So, in the spirit of self-care, I hereby give you permission to do any of the following things. If you’ve just gone through a breakup, it’s totally OK to … Keep reading »
For nearly two years I was with the man I thought I was going to marry, have children with and spend the rest of my life with. I loved him so all-consumingly that I worried about his death. Driving on highways or flying on airplanes, it didn’t matter; I just thought of what risks it posed to him and how terribly in pain I would feel if he were ever to be gone from my life. Even though I felt a bit silly worrying about him, I couldn’t help myself. We used to say we were half of each other. He would say to me that he couldn’t wait to grow old with me. We were intimately close and open with each other in a way I’ve never been before and in a way I know I won’t find easily again.
He broke up with me after New Year’s suddenly and without warning. Now, I marvel at how quickly it’s taken me to fall out of love with him. How very, very odd it is to look inside myself to see if there’s any little bit that still loves him after what he’s done to me. Keep reading »
In the past three days, I have been suddenly and unexpectedly broken up with by my boyfriend of almost two years and asked to move out of the apartment that we have shared for a year and a half. The past few days have been horrible and sad, but mostly filled with dread about the uncertainty of the future. It feels like a nightmare that I am going to wake up from; a few times I’ve asked myself if I lost my mind a la “Black Swan” and this reality isn’t real. This morning I stood in line at Starbucks and pulled back the pinky finger on my hand, bent it so far until it hurt. Okay, I thought, I must be awake and alive. This must actually be my life. I don’t know how it is that I have put on pants every day, brushed my teeth, written emails, written blogs posts, done my laundry, and eaten food. My heart feels so bad I can’t believe I’m not glued to my bedsheets. Maybe I’m just in so much disbelief that I am numb. Keep reading »