I’d never been one of those girls who’d dreamt about her perfect wedding. The virgin-white dress, the exorbitant costs, the fuss over a big, shiny rock—none of it ever appealed to me. I wanted to find a lifelong partner, and a family sounded nice, too, but honestly? I never cared much about that piece of paper. So why did I just marry my boyfriend after pondering it for a mere two hours? One (evidently all-too-common) reason: health insurance.

The Daily Mail is reporting today that black, a color traditionally saved for funerals and looking street chic, is the new color choice for wedding dresses among modern brides. While I don’t doubt that many women are bucking tradition and going with darker colors, I have a hard time believing that black, despite how slimming and elegant it is, is now the “shade of choice,” as the paper insinuates. Then again, they did quote an “expert” from a wedding website that gets all of 2,000 visitors a month (for perspective, The Frisky gets about that many visitors every 25 minutes), so maybe there’s some validity to the claim. The trend is in response to the recession (of course!) and brides’ desire to buy a dress they can wear more than once. I don’t buy it for a second, do you? Would you buy a black gown for that reason? Would you really wear your dress again after your wedding? Doesn’t that kind of make it seem less special? [via Daily Mail]

So I am officially engaged. And I’ll tell you the #1 thing I’m feeling right now:

Nauseous.

I think it’s just because the past six months have been one big blur, and we’ve made some of the biggest decisions we’ve made in our entire lives.

Well, it finally happened. I’ve waited 30 years for this big moment. I remember being 6 years old and sitting in my room, writing fake wedding invitations for my big day. I even remember staging fake weddings when my parents would go out. I’d record ceremony scenes from my favorite movies on my yellow Sony boom box so I could exchange the “proper vows” with my fake husband. I’d put on my whitest clothes, tie my hair up, and put on my mom’s red lipstick. I’m also pretty sure on the nights of my fake weddings I would welcome my baby doll into my new family. Things moved pretty quickly back then. Thankfully, there’s no real baby doll today.

So … how did it happen?

A wacky new study called “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” followed 2,500 couples who are married or have lived together for at least six years and discovered there are, gasp, lots of factors that lead to the success (or failure) of a relationship besides just falling in or out of love. For example — this is going to shock you — women who want babies much more than their husbands are more likely to divorce than women who marry men who want kids just as much as they do! People whose parents divorced are more than 50 percent more likely to divorce or separate than those whose parents stayed married. And people who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to divorce than spouses who are both on their first marriages. One in five couples who have children before marriage, either from a previous relationship or their current one, will separate, compared to just one in ten couples who do not have children before getting married. Just one in ten? That figure seems to contradict the finding that a quarter of all relationships will end within six years and half within 25, but maybe I’m splitting hairs here. Age is another factor that determines the success of marriage — men who marry before 25 are twice as likely to get divorced as those who marry after turning 25, as are men who are more than nine years older than their wives. Stuff that doesn’t matter so much? A woman’s employment status, country of birth, religious background and education levels. [via Daily Mail]

Amy Adams has a movie coming out this January called "Leap Year." The idea behind it is that after her boyfriend doesn't propose to her, she decides to go to Ireland, where he's living, and propose to him on Leap Day (tradition has it that women are allowed to propose on that day). While plenty of women ask men out on dates, not as many of us do the proposing. Do you think this will ever change?

Here’s the second Frisky “Sex Diary,” in which an anonymous person shares the details of her sex life over the course of a few days. Sometimes these entries will be racy and filled with revealing romps, while other times there will be nary a naked moment in sight. Some of these diarists will be frequent contributors. Want to share a page from your sex diary? Email diary@thefrisky.com. All entries will be anonymous.

Today we have a sports widow who is not sure her libido is going to survive football season!

On “Oprah,” I watched a segment on women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She was tall, lean, blonde, 44 years old, and enjoying her singleness.

Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave, and four years support if you lose your job.

Tucks of skin trickled out from a pink, tropical bikini top. My half-naked body glared back at me from the unforgiving gleam of a fitting room mirror as I modeled a two-piece suit, gripped to the grooves of my body.

I am 30 years old and I’ve been dating my fiancé for seven years. We have one child together and I have a child from a previous relationship. He proposed last year, and we’ve recently been talking about going to the justice of the peace. He keeps saying he wants to marry me, but now he has to “get his business off the ground” and get money for a pre-nup first even though he doesn’t own any property or have large savings. Before the pre-nup talk it was “we have to wait until we get the house” (which didn’t work out). It just seems like he is constantly coming up with ways to delay marriage. I tried to discuss a date last week and he went off telling me not to pressure him.  It’s been seven years — how long am I supposed to wait? I have been with him since college, we broke up and got back together. I can’t wait any longer but I don’t want to give him an ultimatum. Something is wrong with this picture. All of this time invested warrants a marriage. What do I do?? I am so frustrated and I think I need to leave. — Frustrated Fiancée

One of the most frequently asked questions I hear since my now-husband and I got engaged earlier this year isn’t “When are you guys going to have kids?” or “Are you keeping your name?” Rather, it’s this: “So, are you going to convert?” I was raised Lutheran, you see, my husband is Jewish, and the answer is “no.” The longer answer is: “No, but we’re going to raise our children Jewish.”  And the funny — and truthful — answer is: “No, I’m not going to convert, but my sister is!”

I’m not even engaged and I frequently have thoughts like, “I have to tone my upper arms so they look skinny in my wedding dress!” How screwed up is that?!?! A blogger who actually is engaged and “sick and tired of seeing ads for ‘wedding weight loss,’” started up a blog where brides of all sizes can contribute wedding pics. We hope it’s a relief for blushing brides-to-be needs who’re sick of all the body-hating noise from shows like “Bulging Brides.” [This Is What A Beautiful Bride Looks Like]

We all know the stories, a beautiful young woman meeting her Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after. What these storytellers fail to mention is that you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your Prince and once you do, there are no guarantees that it will end in happily ever after. In most cases, it will end without the birds singing and wrapped in the pretty bow that we remember from “Cinderella.”

Melanie Sims wrote an essay called “Dating Like a White Girl” for the November issue of Essence magazine. In the piece, she says she rewrote her “conservative Black girl dating rules” to have fun with dating and get over a man who was unfaithful. Here’s her explanation:

“Yes, I’m stereotyping White girls as footloose and free based on my first introduction to courtship (Kelly Kapowski on “Saved by the Bell”) and the White women in the cubicle next to me who don’t live in fear of some looming man shortage.”

This is just a portion of the completely epic invitation to Jill and Matt’s wedding. The whole thing is about a foot and a half long and tells the entire saga of their relationship, from meeting at work to dating long-distance for seven years to eventually landing in the same city. It’s sort of storybook, and I love the simple presentation and the use of different fonts. But one question—did they have to use custom envelopes? View the full invite here.

• Where you’ll sit at a wedding reception is kind of a toss-up dependent upon how much the couple likes you. Will you be with the bride’s hot friends or the old geezers? Here’s an honest look at how the decision is made. [Maxim]
• A Brooklyn artist named Bernard “Butch” Belair has filed a lawsuit against Bratz Dolls manufacturer MGA Entertainment and Mattel, the toy company that won the rights to the dolls, because he claims the dolls were a blatant rip-off of the cartoonish women featured in Steve Madden ads. [NYPost.com]—This recession has everyone sue-happy, but I understand his anger.
• Going Rouge, a spoof of Sarah Palin‘s memoir Going Rogue, will hit bookshelves the same day as its target. [The Guardian]—Sounds like a must-read.

And this, ladies, is why you want to marry a geek. Because he will hack your Super Mario Land game so that it proposes. [BuzzFeed]

I am 26 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. Our relationship started off with many issues—I had just ended a very serious relationship and he was getting over an unrequited love. We had a blast together the first few months because there was very little expectation of our relationship becoming more than just a summer fling. But our feelings for each other didn’t end so we gave it another shot. The first few months of trying again were pretty rough because of our insecurities, but now things are at a very good place.  We have been living together for a few months and share everything together. We’ve said the big L word, and tell each other that every day. But my boyfriend seems a bit phobic about getting engaged and married, and I’m not sure if he’s just afraid of that commitment or if it’s with me.  We have talked about having children together, but more jokingly than seriously. When I asked him if he plans on marrying me someday, his answer has always been “I want to,” but I’m not convinced. He tells me that he loves me, but not enough for that level of commitment yet. I don’t want to be in a relationship if I’m not “the one.”  Is this a bad sign that our relationship will not get there? Am I overreacting and being too impatient? — Hurt and Confused

If you call yourself a “feminist”—which basically means you believe women deserve the dignity, rights and respect afforded to men—then you can relate to how peeps come out of the woodwork to tell you you’re either being “too feminist” or “not feminist” enough. Some people think feminism should be a spartan existence where there’s no frivolity allowed, on principle: no makeup, no “Sex & The City, and definitely no getting married!

The dumbest criticism of feminists we’ve ever seen happened when some people freaked out over the engagement of Jessica Valenti, co-founder of Feministing (and one-time Frisky blog!) to her boyfriend, Andrew Golis, deputy publisher of the politics blog, Talking Points Memo. Gettin’ hitched, apparently, is “antithetical” to feminism.

Blogger Tracie Egan from Jezebel is getting married, and she’s made some pretty awesome, inexpensive wedding invitations. Check out “Craft Cheese” to find out how to DIY your wedding invites for not a lot of money and create something that looks chic, not “crafty.” I love the stark black and green silhouette image of their faces, which Egan designed herself on her computer, as well as the decorative framing illustration that echoes her husband-to-be’s last name. In a cool flourish, she printed real stamps that bear the wedding logo. All told, the project took her 20 hours, an experience she describes as “therapeutic.” [One D at a Time]