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The Bad Girlfriend Gets Caught Stealing

Maybe you’ve never admitted it out loud, but we all have the capacity to be cruel. The Bad Girlfriend has the capacity and then some. She’s a friend of ours who we love for being trustworthy and smart, funny and exceedingly loyal…to her girlfriends, that is. But boyfriends? That’s another story. We pity the fools who end up on her arm — give it a few months, a year, even three, and suddenly they won’t know what hit ‘em. We don’t expect you to love her, but we do expect that you may, begrudgingly, see a bit of yourself in her bad deeds.

You know that song by No Doubt, “Ex-Girlfriend”? The chorus goes, “Kind of always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend”? When I hear that song, I change the words to this: “Kind of always knew I’d end up a bad girlfriend,” because no matter what, I inevitably do. I don’t mean to be sleazy. I don’t set out thinking, “I’m going to cheat, lie, and steal from this sucker,” each time I enter a new relationship, but I do. For some reason, I am totally cruel to dudes. Still, after each fresh new breakup, I feel that I’ve learned a valuable lesson from the experience. And that counts for something, right? Keep reading »

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