God, I am still SO ON TO YOU, George Clooney. While I’m sure the Cloons is totally, madly in love with fiancee Amal Alamuddin (why wouldn’t he be? She’s gorgeous, smart and accomplished, by all accounts) I’ve thought for awhile that his sudden embrace of long-term monogamy and the institute of matrimony (which he has long declared a disinterest in) has an ulterior motive — political power. I predicted a few months ago, shortly after Clooney and Alamuddin announced their engagement, that Clooney would at some point in the not-so-distant future declare his intent to run for public office, and that being married is part of his get elected strategy. And I stand by that! The American public prefers to vote for people who at least posture to have “traditional” values, like a stable family life, and George Clooney who parties with D-list actresses on his houseboat on Lake Como is less electable than George Clooney, devoted husband of a smarty-pants London lawyer. I’m not saying Clooney and Alamuddin aren’t a legit couple, I’m just suggesting Clooney is performing his love in a different way than he has before for a reason. I mean, dudebro has never been one to talk about his relationships or significant others, yet earlier this week, while on stage accepting a humanitarian award, Clooney gushed about his bride-to-be, declaring his love and being all “I can’t wait to be your husband” etc. etc. It’s totally sweet, don’t get me wrong, but mark my words, the Clooney Campaign has begun. [Dlisted]
Welp, another one of our dream celebrity boyfriends is off the market, but I gotta say, I’m stoked to see “one of us” — i.e. a commoner! — has snagged him! Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the dreamy actor/director behind one of my fave movies of the last few years, “Don Jon,” is dating Tasha McCauley, a cofounder of a Silicon Valley robotics company. Um, hi, smarty pants. The two were photographed being all chummy and adorable in LA this week (you can see the photos here), the first time they’ve been spotted together since JGL confessed that he had a secret girlfriend back in September 2013. “‘I have a girlfriend but I tend not to really like to talk about it in public,” he told Howard Stern. “The girl that I’m with, she really doesn’t want to be a part of it and you can imagine not wanting to have that kind of scrutiny.” Oops, sorry. Well, for what it’s worth, I think McCauley sounds rad. She speaks English, Arabic, and Spanish, and addition to founding Fellow Robots, a telepresence technology company (whatever the fuck that means), McCauley also founded the 10^9+ Foundation, which encourages students to develop technology that will positively affect the world’s population. Get it, girl. [Daily Mail UK]
I enjoy love stories like this because one of my goals in life — in addition to publishing a book, going to space, and having a baby or two — is to bed a celebrity. Preferably one whose name rhymes with Bryan Tosling. It’s a long shot, but what keeps my hope and fantasy fires stoked are the many male celebs who’ve dated or settled down with a woman who’s significantly less famous than them — or a complete commoner, like yours truly. Besides JGL, here are some other non-famous women who’ve managed to nab a star…
What’s more cynical than suggesting George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin because he either knocked her up or is trying to do preemptive damage control on an incoming gay scandal? My new theory that Clooney is giving up his dedication to the bachelor life to marry the accomplished lawyer — someone “on his level,” finally! — because he’s going to announce a run for political office. HEAR ME OUT.
Rumors that Clooney has his eye on Washington have swirled for awhile now and the actor is certainly one of the more politically vocal celebs in Hollywood. His views on social and economic issues aren’t particularly radical or outside the status quo and he’s been rewarded with a certain level of insider status, serving as one of the United Nations Messengers of Peace since 2008. As an Oscar-winning actor and accomplished director, he’s pretty much peaked in his chosen career. Perhaps it’s time for a second? Keep reading »