A-list Hollywood actors do cheesy ads abroad for mega-bucks, hoping no one in America will see them. Too late, George! In this spot for Nespresso espresso, Clooney, who plays an espresso drinker, hangs out with John Malkovich, who plays God, natch. The surreal spot was directed by Robert Rodriguez, who directed “Spy Kids” and “Sin City.” It’s kind of weird to see Michael Clayton hawking espresso, but I’ll take my George however I can get him. [ANIMAL]

There are few things men complain about when ogling George Clooney‘s Italian girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, in a photo spread on Maxim.com. But what would life be without complainers? Several people posted comments saying Elisabetta, or Eli, as she is sometimes called, ruined the beautiful landscape of her body with tattoos. One commenter put it this way: “Tattoos can turn the most beautiful woman from ‘classy’ to ‘trashy.’” So what do you think on the subject? Would Elisabetta, and women in general, be prettier without the tattoos? Let us know in the comments.

“I’ve had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships. I’ve been in some relationships where I’ve felt terribly alone. Just because you’re with someone it doesn’t mean you’re incredibly happy and complete.”

—George Clooney talks relationships with the Daily Mirror. Sorry, you’ll have to get in line to complete him behind me.

I love being a woman, but there are plenty of things I envy about the opposite sex, too. The whole standing up when they pee thing is pretty convenient (as are their short lines for public bathrooms!), but what’s especially nice for guys is how well they age. Let’s face it, appearance-wise, women tend to peak pretty early in their adulthood, but a lot of men really get better with age. They look distinguished, not haggard. Take George Clooney, for example. The guy’s nearing 50 and he’s never looked better, which is why I was pretty surprised to hear he allegedly had blepharoplasty surgery to remove the bags under his eyes. I thought he looked sexy with a little puffiness — like he spent the whole night drinking Scotch on the rocks and doing it with his younger girlfriend and couldn’t be bothered to get any sleep. Take a look at the photographic evidence and tell me what you think. Better with bags or without? Personally, I’d like to spread him on my dinner roll either way. [via Daily Mail]

Last week we confessed our earliest celebrity crushes, and a few of the desperate ways in which we tried to get their attention. But George Clooney’s #1 fan takes the cake. In the video above, George is taking questions at a press conference at the Venice International Film Festival, where he’s promoting “The Men Who Stare At Goats.” Skip ahead to about 1:25 to hear (and briefly see) a male Clooney fan strip off his shirt and declare his love for the actor. Clooney handles the outburst with his usual debonair class. DListed]

George Clooney usually has a thing for cocktail waitresses (like his ex, Sarah Larson), but his new girlfriend is someone he can actually discuss his “craft” with. Clooney met Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis when he was in Rome and he immediately began wooing her, taking her on romantic jaunts to his villa on Lake Como. So far, we think Canalis is rad. According to The Sun, Canalis once portrayed a nun who bared her breasts in the film “Virgin Territory.” Lest you think she is a one-trick pony, she also had a role in “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo,” and currently hosts the Italian version of MTV’s “Total Request Live.” Will this Italian beauty be the one to nab Clooney’s fickle heart? [The Sun]

George Clooney took his new arm candy—Italian model/actress Elisabetta Canalis—for a spin on his hog. Like a motorcycle ride, when it comes to George Clooney, you gotta hold on tight, honey. [7/29/09]

I guess it’s no surprise that some people are a little twisted. But ever since Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson died within a span of 72 hours, fake celebrity death stories have started cluttering up the internet. Sites like Twitter and FakeAWish.com, even CNN’s iReport, have created major drama for publicists and sent them scrambling to set the record straight that their clients are very much alive.

Heya, Georgie, we hear congrats is in order—you’re shacking up with your newest girlfriend! Dude, you’re living the dream, you so are. Actually, hold up. Is she a cocktail waitress? And is this the waitress that you met in Vegas? Or the one that you met in South Beach? You certainly have a type, we’ll give you that. Those red-headed, Barbie-measurement, Ph.D-types out there don’t stand a chance. But really, was that you I saw rocking the slurred facial expressions after another night out? And was that you, surrounded by chicks less than half your age?

• Did the producers of “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here” torture Heidi Pratt to the point that she developed a gastric ulcer? Or are the producers in on the latest Speidi plot for attention? [Perez Hilton]—I’m inclined to go with the latter because ratings are most important and this show would tank without Heidi and her handler.
• George Clooney has reportedly asked waitress girlfriend Lucy Wolvert to move in with him. [Dlisted]
• All of the Gosselin kids have returned home to be with their father after vacationing. Kate Gosselin was nowhere to be seen. [Us Magazine]

Legendary rock n’ roll producer Phil Spector was just sentenced to 19 years in jail for murder. Although the prison guards took away his infamous afro wig, he was allowed to bring his iPod and a computer with him. So now, the inmate is a blogger…just like me. Dang, these internets are egalitarian! But what’s Phil got to blog about: prison slop, pooping in public, what really happens when you drop the soap? Actually, he’s been going on and on about his budding bromance with Wilson, a pet cockroach who likes to play chess. Uh, gross.

But in the Celebiverse, you don’t have to be behind bars to have a weird friggin’ pet. From a Blackberry stealing chimpanzee to a flock of flamingos, here are our favorite eccentric celebs and their even crazier animals.

In her autobiography, Cloris Leachman brags about bumping uglies with Gene Hackman.

“As we moved into the main course, it was as if a cosmic wind enveloped us. Some giant space magnet was pulling us together. We didn’t finish the meal. We went upstairs, flew into bed and made love. It was epic… I remember well the feisty lad he was.”

Whoa, down girl! Sometimes celebs just don’t know how to keep their big mouths shut! But Cloris isn’t the only star who’s screwed someone strange. Hollywood has a whole history of odd hookups.  Here are some of the most shocking… [via Huffington Post]

George Clooney has always been a bit of a ladies man. The self-proclaimed eternal bachelor—who has vowed to never, ever, ever marry—has dated a slew of Hollywood starlets and pretty, young unknowns. Renee Zellweger, Lisa Snowdon, Krista Allen, and, most recently, Sarah Larson, have all spent quality time with the actor, but none of them have actually stuck. But could all that be changing now that Clooney has apparently been flirting outside of Hollywood? Rumor has it, Clooney is dating Fatima Bhutto, 26, the Afghan born poet and writer, who is also the niece of slain Pakastani politician Benazir Bhutto, who was assassinated last year. So what do we know about the accomplished Miss Bhutto? More, after the jump…

AskMen.com revealed its list of the Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2009 today. Readers were asked to vote not just on sex appeal and beauty, but also on humor, ambition and intelligence. Kate Winslet is ranked 99. Beyonce is No. 50. And Eva Mendes is numero uno. We’ve decided to build our own list of desirable men based on readers’ votes. So let your voice be heard! Each day we’ll give you a few guys under specific categories and then compile a Top Ten (oh hell, we may compile a Top 20) based on your votes…so, which of these ridiculously well-known mega hotties do you find the most desirable? [Photos: Splash News]