If you use Twitter, you know that in the lower right-hand corner of your page, there is always a list of the top 10 “trending topics” that tells you what everyone is tweeting about. Sometimes everyone’s got “paranormal activity” or Taylor Swift on the brain, but oftentimes, people sound off on random topic ideas. Fun, right?

Well, things “a real wife ...” should do has become a trending topic on Twitter and just wait until you read the hardy-har-har list of things people have come up with! I know some people are being silly and joking, but it’s got to be some statement on gender roles if literally hundreds of people are suggesting “a real wife” should keep her man happy with food and sex. Or maybe these clowns are just confusing a real wife with “A Real Housewife”? After the jump, the most barf-tastic, as well as funniest, favorites.

According to researchers, bloggers, and bitter, unemployed men, our recession has a gender-specific twist. They argue that the recession is in fact a “he-cession,” since four out of every five people who have lost their jobs during the past two years have been men. The shift in unemployment is due primarily to job losses in manufacturing and auto industries; men make up the majority of these work fields.

I was raised by a working, single mother. She went to Stanford, majored in economics, became a public school teacher, wrote a book, and now works as a journalist. She didn’t give up her job when she had my sister or me, and she certainly didn’t give it up after she and my father divorced. I consider her the ultimate feminist—she’s worked her butt off, made a living on her own, and raised two perfect daughters (just kidding). She’s my hero. But if she had quit her job when I was born, retiring at age 31, would she still be my #1 role model? It’s hard to say.

So, one of the gossip items making the rounds today is that Jake Gyllenhaal has to live by all sorts of CUH-RAZY rules now that he is living with Reese Witherspoon and her kids. Stuff like not putting his feet on the coffee table and being openly communicative all the time. The jist of the story is that Reese is, like, a mega-dominant partner and Jake’s got to be submissive—and that he likes it that way. But it got me thinking about the dudes on my IM and whether they play the role of dominant or submissive in their relationships—in and out of the bedroom. Their responses and a tangent about gender roles, after the jump…

Women are emotionally-vacant pigs and men are emotionally-unstable psychos.

Wait. That’s not right.

But it is in so many ways. Welcome to the new millennium, boys and girls, where gender equality means “let’s adopt the worst of each other’s stereotypes.” It’s a madcap race to the bottom rung of the sexual identity ladder. Wheee!