Dear 38-Year-Old Anonymous Man,
You must be dying of embarrassment right now after receiving a five-page, formal letter of reprimand from your employer accusing you of “uncontrollable flatulence” that is creating an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment for coworkers. OUCH.
Apparently, you told your supervisor that you suffered from “some medical conditions,” but he or she isn’t buying it. Your manager stated that “nothing that you have submitted has indicated that you would have uncontrollable flatulence. It is my belief that you can control this condition.” Keep reading »
There’s breaking news like Anderson Cooper coming out or ObamaCare being upheld by the Supreme Court, and then there’s breaking news that is way less important, but equally as impactful. For example, the revelation that there is a solution for the excessively gassy individuals of this great nation. Flat-D disposable fart deodorizers are the product that people with digestive disorders have been dreaming of. There is no cure for gas, but this product is a simple solution which will allow everyone to fart with confidence. Just place the pad inside your underwear and let your gaseous emissions activate the carbon in the Flat-D pad, which absorbs and masks fart odor. For additional flatulence support at work, you can purchase Flat-D chair pad. I know some people whose lives will be changed by the Flat-D, although I’m not mentioning any names. [Laughing Squid]
Poor Nancy Grace is having a tough go of it on “Dancing With The Stars.” First her nipple slipped out of her dress and now she’s being accused of letting one rip after waltzing to “Moon River.” Naturally, she’s not owning up to her gassy gaffe. She claims she was framed and is launching an investigation to see whose butt was really talking. Yeah, she also denied that nip slip, but we all saw her aureola. Just own it, Nancy! Nothing to be ashamed of. [ONTD]
Keep clicking for more farting female celebrities.Keep clicking for more farting female celebrities.
OK, so we’ve all had the burning sensation in our stomachs and bowels when you know you’ve got to let a big fart go, and it’s definitely going to be smelly. But instead of doing a butt-clenched duck walk to the nearest restroom–trying to will the fart back to the safe territory of your upper stomach (I can’t be the only one who tries to do this), or actually busting out a lighter to burn off the methane after you’ve let one rip –maybe try Subtle Butt: Disposable Gas Neutralizers. These ingenious carbon pads filter odors from flatulence, but the side of the pad that touches the skin is treated with an antimicrobial. These Subtle Butt fart filters are a good idea, but only if you know ahead of time that you’re going to consume gassy foods. I can’t see anyone sticking one of these into their pants or underwear on a daily basis just in case. Also, what about a fart that’s as loud as it is smelly? I guess a strategic cough could hide the sound. But all this still begs the question, would you use a fart neutralizing pad? [Solutions That Stick] Keep reading »
Oh Four Loko, you worthy alco-pop opponent. We had some good times, but those days are over — and now a company in Virginia is turning recalled cans of the super-caffeinated, super-alcoholic beverage into ethanol. MXI Environmental Services distills the alcohol from the drinks and then sells it to be blended into gasoline (isn’t it troubling that we’re drinking stuff that also goes in gas tanks?). The plant expects a couple hundred trucks–carrying several thousands of cans of the beverage–to start rolling in soon. [NY Post] Keep reading »