They could have had it all! But instead of rolling in the deep, Adele’s ex-boyfriend (this goofball) is releasing an album of his own called Dan 21 featuring sure-to-be-chart-topping hits like “Someone Like Me” and “You’re Welcome.” Sigh. It has just occurred to me that I could have monetized my breakup with Ex-Mr. Jessica much, much better. [Mirth Mag]
If any of your Facebook friends are tweens — or adults with the emotional maturity of tweens — then you’ve surely noticed some drama going down in wall posts or status updates. A group called the Navy Seals of Comedy noticed, too, and thought the intensity of Facebook exchanges would translate well to a live reenactment. They turned a verbatim conversation between a few 7th graders into a script for a one-act play and the results are indeed dramatic. Also? Totally hilarious. [Buzzfeed]
Sure, you could dress your pooch up in a fluffy pink coat or a sweater, but the folks at Vice went to a much more sinister place: goggie S&M gear. Enter the chains, whips and leather — these pups are ready for a biker fight. Or a Depeche Mode concert, whatever your pleasure. [Vice]
The new season of “Portlandia” is just as funny as the first — if not more. In season one, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein noted that Portland is just a little bit stuck in the 1990s. But this season, the pair make fun of Portland’s obsession with locavore and artisanal culture, which is exactly like life in the 1890s. “Remember when belts didn’t exist yet? Everyone wore suspenders,” says Fred. “People used to carve their own ice cubes?” And now, thanks to Portland, they’re carving their own ice cubes again. [Eater]
Our new favorite “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” contestant is Joann Chen, from Brooklyn. She’s pretty good at answering questions, but she’s even better at adding in strange and bewildering side commentary. For instance, a question about the use of “styptic pencils” elicited the following comment from Joann: “I wore pants today for a reason. I’m pretty sloppy in the shower.” Watch the clip to get the full story. Great Marley’s ghost! [Buzzfeed]
I don’t really see it, but I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been told I look like Barbra Streisand. I typically attribute this to people who have never seen a Jewish woman in real life or something, but apparently this also happens in the cat world. Where are you, darling Barbra-a-like feline? We should probably make a record together. [Neatorama]
This little bullfrog is rather skilled at the iPhone game Anteater. Watch as he gets a bit overexcited at the prospect of squashing flies — with dire (hilarious) consequences for his owner. [YouTube]
Though I am a short person, I walk mercilessly fast. I cannot deal with slow walkers, and especially teams of slow walkers that insist on spreading themselves out across the entire lane of the sidewalk. Thankfully, this Japanese guy figured out a genius way to get slow walkers to move out of the way. In Japan, anyway. If I tried this in New York I’d probably get punched in the face. [YouTube]
Wherever your Chinese restaurant may be, please know that the Chinese Restaurant Association of America (if that in fact exists) supports your consumptions of Chinese food on Christmas. [Happy Place]
O.B. tampons feels really bad about that whole tampon shortage thing you had to go through a few months back, so they’ve whipped up an apology just for you. Nah, girl, I mean, just for YOU. Call it their Ruben Studdard “Sorry For (2004)” — girl, do not underestimate this jam — but O.B. has made a really special sorry for y’all, featuring a Coldplay-ian guy wearing (yes, really) white pants singing a song specially made to order. Do it. I dare you. [O.B. Tampons]
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