Recently, Ami and I were talking and she asked if I could help her get her funny back. If you read this site, you know that Ami is usually a very funny person, so her question came as a bit of a shock.
“You lost your funny?” I said. “When? How? Where?”
“Well, I came back from Paris, and then my boyfriend and I broke up, and then it was my birthday and the holidays, and then I started doing a lot of hot yoga … there’s this guy who’s always in my class and he smells really bad, and once his shorts came down–”
“That’s funny!” I interrupted.
“No,” Ami said, “because I saw he had completely shaved his pubic region. And then it wasn’t funny anymore, just gross. Now I’m not funny. I think I have anhedonia.” Keep reading »
It takes a lot of time — like hours and hours — to watch movies. So on last night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Jimmy Kimmel decided to do us all a solid and create a film that encapsulated, well, every movie ever. “Movie: The Movie: 2V” is actually the sequel to last year’s equally bombastic “Movie: The Movie,” and it features about as many stars. In it, you’ll witness Matt Damon in a motion capture suit, John Krasinski as a radioactive shrimp and Salma Hayek, playing a woman who falls in love with … Salma Hayek. What can save all of these characters from the plague of sexy vampires and zombies that are wandering the Earth? And is there anything more powerful than Channing Tatum’s crotch? Watch the clip and find out. [YouTube]
You might have a lot of loves in a lifetime, but you never forget your first … stock image boyfriend. A stock image boyfriend, tasked with illustrating a variety of concepts including “I love canned foods,” or “I don’t understand your modern technology because I’m a caveman,” or “banana gun,” can be a wonderful companion. Sure, eventually you might outgrow him, or feel that you’re just not connecting over your shared love of corn, and you’ll have to move on. But that doesn’t mean we can’t look back fondly on our time together…
Snoop Dogg Snoop Lion Snoop is a pretty confident guy, and he has every reason to be. He’s super rich, super talented, super handsome, and famous as hell. Like, so famous. The famousest. There are a lot of things I like about Snoop, but I think what I like the most is that he’s got the mind to decide, “You know what, I’m gonna rock some French tips today,” and he does it. He just goes ahead and does it. Hey, Snoop: call me. [Instagram]
I have a bizarre limerence for Scott Disick, the vaguely threatening, Patrick Bateman-esque father of Kourtney Kardashian‘s children. Maybe it’s because I’m from New England, but Disick’s combination of slick, preppy rich-boy style, unapologetic dogmatism, and self-reverential charm is exactly what I look for in someone to both lust after and loathe. What I didn’t realize, however, is that I’ve actually been crushing on Scott for ten years. Say whaaaaat. Keep reading »
I like to think of myself as a very refined person with very refined tastes. Sure, I watch reruns of “Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami” on the treadmill, and you may find the errant Rihanna hit on my iPod. I also enjoy a Mike’s Hard Lemonade from time to time, and have a hard time cutting an apple. But besides all that stuff, I am an intellectual, a sophisticate, an epicurean, and a scholar. Yep. All of those. Which is exactly why I am so disgustingly ashamed by how much I enjoy the comedic stylings (if you could call it that) of Andy Milonakis, the former star of MTV’s “The Andy Milonakis Show,” who is instantly recognizable due in part to a growth-hormone condition that renders him forever 12. Aside from being one third of hip-hop group ¡Three Loco! alongside RiFF RaFF and Dirt Nasty, Milonakis is the host of a new web series, a cooking show called “Makeshift Gourmet.” The first installment chronicles Andy as he puts a high-end spin on Hamburger Helper using “elevated ingredients,” and better still, the weirdness of it all is punctuated by the appearance of a giggly, sunglasses-clad David Arquette, who eats raw Wagyu beef before participating in a “beef slap.” God love ya, Andy. And David, too. [Huffington Post]
Okay, so maybe over the holiday weekend I got waylaid by a “Law & Order: SVU” marathon. The plot of this particular episode is sort of beside the point, but I’ll tell you anyway — it’s a ripped-from-the-headlines story abut a bunch of girls who make a pregnancy pact and a crazy mother (played by Debi Lazar, holllllller) who taunts one of the girls into suicide by pretending to be her baby-daddy, a graffiti artist and hip hop dude named Dizzer. Annnnnnyway the important things to know are that Dizzer works at a faux record store called Skribble Skratch and wears his hat precariously placed atop his head. Ice-T is not amused.
Guys, I know I push “Parks and Rec” on you all the time, but it’s really because I feel like it’s one of the few awesomely quirky weirdo shows out there. Plus, Ron Swanson’s mustache! Plus, Amy Poehler’s character Leslie Knope is actually rather headstrong and confident and a good role model. So many popular female characters are deeply and annoyingly insecure or fall into familiar tropes (the bitch, the harpy, the manic pixie), but Leslie is just Leslie: kind of nerdy, but super smart and accomplished and winsome. And, oh, here’ s a funny “Downton Abbey”/”Parks and Rec” parody, involving quotes from “P&R” paired with Downton’s dramatic images. [Downton Pawnee]
Every time I visit my friend Marlee and her six-year-old daughter Olivia, Olivia ends up commandeering Marlee’s smartphone so we can play Fruit Ninja. Well now, Scott, Brendo and their friends have created a live action version of Fruit Ninja, complete with massacred fruits and veggies. [YouTube]
All due respect and praise to the genius that came up with the salsa hat prototype, seen here. Think about how many versions of this edible tortilla hat were created and then failed, spilling delicious salsa all over the wearer. And a salsa hat is a great hat to get the party started — you’ll need to eat all the salsa in the hat bowl before it breaks, of course. [Cheezburger]