“Vegemite is a dark brown Australian food paste made from leftover brewers’ yeast extract with various vegetable and spice additives,” begins the Wikipedia page for noxious spreadable Vegemite. If you haven’t had the pleasure, Vegemite tastes extremely salty, is the color of dark poop, and has the consistency of slightly melted peanut butter. You can spread Vegemite on toast or crackers, or even put in a sandwich if there is literally nothing else in your cupboards that you could put in a sandwich, including multivitamins. So naturally, giving Vegemite to young children without much of a personal filter is highly entertaining. [Laughing Squid]
Happy Almost-Labor Day Weekend! It’s going to be a hot one, so eating ice cream is going to be an activity for a lot of people this weekend. Hopefully none of them have the grave misfortune of eating their ice cream 1) underneath a shitting bird and 2) with a loved one who is willing to sit back and laugh while they ingest its fecal droppings along with their scoop of vanilla. Because that’s what happened to this woman. I hope she smashed that cone in the camera guy’s face. [Gawker]
It’s happened to us all. You take the time to make yourself an amazing sandwich, carefully wrap it and tote it to work, place it in the office refrigerator, and count down the hours until lunchtime, when you can finally enjoy the fruits of your labor — only to discover some bastard of a person has snatched your sandwich for themselves. But this sandwich thief took his prank way, way, way too far. Click through for the entire hilarious note war over a missing turkey and swiss sandwich. [Pleated Jeans]
Little does Meghan Waterman know, she’s about to become an Internet sensation. The reason being is twofold: 1) Her Ice Bucket Challenge video to raise money for ALS is downright hilarious, and 2) because she literally has no inhibitions or self-awareness thanks to the drugs she’s on following the removal of her wisdom teeth.
Bleeding mouth and all, Meghan completed the challenge (and we use the term “completed” loosely) in the hilarious video above. And for even more LOLs, after the jump, check out the drugged-up teen’s tweets from the time of her surgery all the way through her horrified realization that she’s now an Internet star. Keep reading »
Each fall, TV networks try to hook us with exciting new pilots that relate to viewers on a personal and cultural level. But given how few shows actually stay on air from from year to year, it can be tricky for the suits to give the people what they want. And that’s where our pitches come in … Keep reading »
According to a new company named ManServants, what women really want is “a man who treats you like a queen.” And what queens want, apparently, are personal butlers/handymen/fake boyfriends. (But not, to be clear, strippers or gigolos.) The San Francisco company will hire “ManServant” who meets your exact specifications — any hair color, any dress code — who will answer to any name you call him. He’ll address all his female clients as “my lady” and respond to any request with “as you wish.” The ManServant will serve you drinks, fix your flats, chauffer you around, and even speak in an accent if you so desire.
And all it takes is cold hard cash! I already have attractive friends. What I don’t have is a minion who does chores. Let’s pool our savings, shall we? Some task ideas for the ManServant I will definitely spend my hard-earned money on: Keep reading »