During all the years I studied Italian, I never learned much of the important stuff I needed in Italy, like “Only with a condom on!” and “Get your hand out of my purse, you fucking pickpocket scum.” Too bad comedian Veronika Poli wasn’t around. Here are all of the hand gestures you need to know to tell someone to fuck off or shut up, or draw more attention your boobs. The only other thing you need to know is to bring your own condoms and just shake it in their face. [Laughing Squid]
To All Interested Applicants:
Please review the detailed job description before applying. Given that I am too busy with my career, extracurricular activities (like playing Candy Crush and occasionally going to SoulCycle) and an active social life (hanging out with my dog Lucca and tweeting at celebrities) to devote the time required to have a shot at successful online dating, I definitely don’t have the energy to sift through online dating assistant applicants who are not qualified for the job. Please do not apply unless you are willing and able to perform all of the job duties. Keep reading »
Sarah Silverman went on “Totally Biased With W. Kamau Bell” on Thursday to hash out … well, a lot of stuff.
First, there were Bell’s problems: eight years ago when Silverman’s comedy/documentary “Jesus Is Magic” came out, Bell wrote an impassioned blog post (on MySpace, which is what we did back then) about how he thought some of her jokes were racist. Now when you Google his name, that post comes up rather highly. But Sarah Silverman had no hard feelings, I guess, because she wanted to work with Bell a couple years ago. All should be well and good, right? Well, no. Silverman recently appeared at the Comedy Central roast of James Franco, where she cracked a bunch of gay jokes. One of the “Totally Biased” comedians responded to her with some (frankly dumb) jokes about how old she looks. Forty-two is practically dead. So W. Kamau Bell played that dumb clip for her while Silverman was his guest on the show and what resulted was a really refreshing conversation about sexism. Keep reading »
I guess back in the ’80s some baby genius manufactured a phone reflective of the hit Boy George song “Karma Chameleon.” As evidenced by the video, it’s a phone shaped like a chameleon that sings to you every time someone calls. I want it, I want it, I want it! [YouTube]
You’d think that it’d be pretty obvious: clipping your nails in a public place, especially a crowded subway car, is a bad idea. Not just a bad idea, but also a very unhygienic one. And yet! People still feel totally comfortable doing things they should probably only ever do in the privacy of their own homes, under the veil of anonymity on public transportation. Some fed-up soul put up this subway etiquette poster reminding commuters that, no, clipping your rotting toenails is not appropriate public transportation behavior. As the sign notes, “it’s crazy that this even has to be mentioned,” and yet, unfortunately, it really does. [Twitter]
Is it my birthday? No seriously, is it my birthday? How else can you explain someone creating such a perfect masterpiece of all the things I’m interested in? The only thing that’s missing from this extremely comprehensive video of the cast of “Breaking Bad” doing R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” is maybe a basket of kittens eating a pizza. If you don’t want to see Jesse Pinkman utter “bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce,” I don’t want to know you. [YouTube]
For the most part, I’m super excited when one of my friends gets engaged. Good for them, finding the person of their dreams and shit. But what if your friend gets engaged to someone terrible? How are you supposed to respond to that? Because telling her how you really feel — “Do you really want to make the biggest mistake of your life?!” — is out of the question, and staring at her outstretched, blinged-out hand in horror would be, you know, rude, comedienne Sasheer Zamata has some suggestions for how to respond, without lying, when your pal tells you she’s marrying some douchebag. Step 7, “Gestures and Sounds,” will probably be my go-to. [The Hairpin]
I watched the inspirational and well-soundtracked speech you gave to the incoming class of engineering students at Georgia Tech, and I was inspired! No, I’ll never build an “Iron Man” suit, and I’ll likely never attend the Georgia Tech engineering program, because, well, math. But your speech was so powerful — especially the part where you said “If you wanna play theme music during your convocation speech like a badass, you can do that! I … am … doing … that!” – that I now feel prepared to take on a new challenge: making you my boyfriend so hard. Keep reading »
Prince is finally on Twitter, you guys, and it’s just about as wonderful as you might expect. The Purple One actually has a sense of humor about himself, or so it would seem based on the new album artwork he just posted via the social media site. Prince, or someone in his entourage made a “Breakfast Can Wait” album cover, inspired by a
1994 2004 ”Chapelle Show” sketch. In it, Charlie Murphy recalls a wild night spent at Prince’s mansion, where they played “shirts vs. blouses” basketball and ate pancakes.
Of course, this is not (probably?) actually the new Prince album cover, but it is an actual new song: Keep reading »