Tag Archives: funny girl sex guide

Funny Girl Sex Guide: How Not To Neglect The Titties

Funny Girl Sex Guide: How Not To Neglect The Titties
Why Yes, I Am Cupping My Own Breast

Breasts, boobs, tits, tatas, jugs, melons, knockers, rack — there are about as many nicknames as there are ways to show your appreciation for our golden globes. In the immortal words of Simple Minds: “Don’t you forget about me…” Seriously, fellas, you can go down on me for hours, but if you don’t touch my boobs, I won’t be satisfied. Unfortunately, every gal has got a story to tell about some boob hound who did her knockers wrong. So, let’s sit down for a little titty straight talk.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: 7 Things Men Say To Impress Women (That Really Don’t Work)

I Seriously Don't Care That You Went To Yale, Bro

When it comes to dating, we all do silly things to impress the object of our affection. Women may spritz and slather a variety of chemical substances on their bodies, feign an interest in or knowledge of some subject, perhaps having to do with a ball, or make a big show of nailing that particularly tight parallel parking spot. I’ve been known to go on and on about that one time I did really, really well in fantasy football. But women are not alone in our somewhat misguided attempts to impress the opposite sex. Men are just as likely — if not more so, as there’s possibly more pressure on men to impress — of saying some kind of ridiculous things to win over a date. Here are a few that really don’t work.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back to talking about penises and vaginas next week. For more Funny Girl Sex Guide, follow us on YouTube!

Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try (Part 2!)

Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try (Part 2!)
What? I'm Demonstrating!

Last week on Funny Girl Sex Guide, I discussed four different dick-sucking techniques you maybe haven’t heard of, but should consider giving a shot. And there’s more where that came from! In Part 2, I discuss (and occasionally demonstrate) five more ways to orally please a penis, including the Hot-N-Cold Blowjob, The Hummer and The Jackhammer. Warning: Unless you work at The Frisky, this is probably a bit NSFW.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try (Part 1!)

Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try (Part 1!)
Double Fist If He's Got Way More Than A Handful
Blowjob Please?
Ways Guys Ask For Blowjobs (Without Actually Asking)
Here are some ways guys ask for blowjobs without really asking. Read More »

Remember how last week I said that I suck dick like it’s the last Talenti Salted Caramel Ice Cream Bar on Earth? It’s true. I just hate to live up to some ridiculous male fantasy of the woman who loves giving blowjobs …  humble hair toss but I am who I am. But while I genuinely enjoy giving head, I never assume that one technique pleases all. Oh yes, as Paul Simon might have put it, there are (approximately) 50 ways to please a penis — but here are just a few blow job techniques you may or may not have heard of (and should consider giving a shot)…

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: What Women Want In Bed But Might Be Afraid To Ask For

Funny Girl Sex Guide: What Women Want In Bed But Might Be Afraid To Ask For
Tip: Show Some Goddamn Enthusiasm, Please!

These days, I may be the queen of TMI, but I wasn’t always so comfortable talking about sex, let alone asking for what I wanted in bed. In the last few years, I’ve been a lot more openminded and in the process learned which kinky activities get me off — but asking for them? Sometimes I still get tongue-tied. And I know I’m not alone. Lots of guys have told me they’d like for their female partners to give them a little more direction in bed, while I know some women who have confessed to being shy about giving it. So, how can guys encourage their female partners to be vocal about their desires in a way that’s not pressuring? Let’s start with a few basic, often wanted but not always requested, sexytime activities…

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FGSG: Signs He'll Suck
Funny Girl Sex Guide: Some Signs He'll Suck In The Sack
Doesn't pay attention to what you say? He'll treat your clit the same. Read More »
FGSG: Underrated Sex
Funny Girl Sex Guide: 5 Underrated Sex Acts Worth Giving Another Shot
Give it up for FINGERING!!! Read More »
FGSG: Stolen From Porn
Funny Girl Sex Guide: Dudes, I Know You Stole That Move From Porn
Dudes, I am on to you! Read More »

Funny Girl Sex Guide: 5 Underrated Sex Acts Worth Giving Another Shot

Funny Girl Sex Guide: 5 Underrated Sex Acts Worth Giving Another Shot
Yes, Fingering!
FGSG: Fuck Buddies!
Six rules for successful fuck buddy relationship... Read More »

I’m a pretty open-minded chick and the last few months have involved quite a bit of open-legged-ness as well. This sort of slutty period in my life has been both fun and educational, not to mention reintroduced me to some sex acts that I’d never really given a fair shake before. In no particular order, here are five seriously underrated things to do in the sack that I suggest giving another shot.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: Some Signs He’ll Suck In The Sack

Funny Girl Sex Guide: Some Signs He'll Suck In The Sack
"Have you met Mr. Whiskey Dick? He's no fun."

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could ascertain whether someone will suck in the sack before, you know, having sex with them? That’s where I come in! Hindsight is 20/20, which means I can look back on some of the bad sex I’ve had and recognize that there were glaring warning signs well before the clothes came off. These are not hard and fast rules, of course, but more often than not, these seven things are glaring red flags that the dude you’re considering humping is going to be a total dud.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: 7 Types Of Dirty Talkers

Funny Girl Sex Guide: 7 Types Of Dirty Talkers
Oh God: "Daddy Like! Daddy Like! Mama Like?"

I love dirty talk. I LOVE IT. All of it, even bad dirty talk because bad dirty talk, while awkward in the moment, is funny as hell later. And good dirty talk — whatever you consider that to mean — can make a world of difference when it comes to getting down. Discovering if and how a new partner talks dirty is probably one of my favorite things about hooking up. Sometimes, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before — your standard ‘Ooh baby, you like that?’ — but there have been a number of dirty talking types who have been particularly memorable. In this episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I’ll introduce you to just some of the dirty talkin’ types you might encounter during your sexual adventures. Time to talk dirty, you sexy motherfuckers.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: Lessons Learned From One-Night Stands

Funny Girl Sex Guide: One-Night Stand Lessons
Finders Keepers Losers Weepers!
FGSG: Bad Sex-tiquette
Funny Girl Sex Guide: Sex Etiquette
Jesus Christ, have some damn sex manners! Read More »

I’m sure this will come as a shock, but I’ve been around the block a few times. I’ve had a handful of serious relationships, a few regular fuck buddies over the years, and, well, enough one-night stands that I could probably write petition for a grant and write a sex study based on my personal experiences. Instead, I’ll share my findings directly with you! In this episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I’m breaking down just some of the things I’ve learned from having one-night stands.

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Funny Girl Sex Guide: Bad Sex Etiquette

Funny Girl Sex Guide: Sex Etiquette
Would You Want A Finger Shoved Up Your Butt Without Warning?

Perfectly good sex can be ruined by really bad manners. There is an unwritten code of sex conduct, follow it, and your partner will likely be a repeat customer, break it, and you may screw the likelihood of boning again. In this episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I’ll review just a few examples of bad manners in the bedroom that could get you kicked to the curb.

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FGSG: Sex Compliments!
Funny Girl Sex Guide: The Importance Of Sex Compliments
For the love of god, COMPLIMENT HER VAGINA. Read More »
The Cum Rag Hierarchy
Infographic: The Cum Rag Hierarchy
Put down the generic toilet paper and bring me a warm, wet washcloth. Read More »
FGSG: Fuck Buddies!
Six rules for successful fuck buddy relationship... Read More »
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