• friskyscopes

For The Week Of August 11-17, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Stop the boredom. If you’re committed, hit it from new angles and with newer tricks. If you’re single, scour new turf and try new types. The world is your playground, get as pervy as you want. Accept the demented things that get you off, as you’re lucky to even know what they are. Don’t let fettered curiosity kill your cat.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Flirting from the sidelines is only going to get you so far. You know that the time to make a move is now or never, even your instincts are getting tired of trying to signal your move. Time is wasting and although you hate being the one to make the first move, it’s time to learn a thing or two more about yourself — like, that when it comes down to it, you’re one forceful bitch.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio has three icons, the only sign to have such a distinction. You’re the scorpion, the eagle and the phoenix. This gives you the power to rise from the ashes, fly above or kill upon distress. Depending on how evolved you are, one of these three personalities will pop out this week as domestic duress hits you were it hurts. Let’s hope it’s the one that won’t require bail.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Idealism is your blessing as it is your curse. If you stop to listen to yourself talk about your latest love affair, you’ll see that all does not line your current story to a happily ever after ending. Sure, miracles can happen, but the odds of one happening to you and this guy are a gazillion to one. If that sounds good to you, then know your idealism is in fact a curse.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money is your sex, so lay yourself on the line and get on top of your priorities. Pay off debt, reorganize investments — do anything proactive with your finances. Otherwise, paying attention to your love life will only make you crazy, as no one will be offering anything solid to rely on and if anything is going to comfort a gal like you, it’s solid facts and figures.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The power is in your hands to get your relationship moving to sexier shores, if you just say and show him what you want. Sure, your honey is as cute as a button, but when it comes to reading you, he’s not the brightest bulb in the box. Instead of wasting time, throw him a bone. The good news is he’ll be a fast learner.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Hearing news about your ex is always cause to run out and buy yourself something ridiculous. However, this time around instead of comforting yourself, you’ll be celebrating — celebrating being free from that a-hole and not stuck sharing his wretched life, playing mommy. You know it, feeling sorry for them is the best revenge.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Not all friendships can last forever. You learn what you can, be appreciative and if the time comes, leave in peace. Of course, that’s what any normal person would attempt to do — but you’re not normal. For you, this means turning up your heat to the umpteenth degree and going full throttle into warrior mode. (Lucky are the men that come onto your path.)

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Torturing your crush isn’t cute or effective. Sure, he’s retardedly messed up a thing or two, but hope is still out there. However, playing too hard isn’t going to give him inspiration to want to jump back in the game. Time to call a new play and get your ass back onto the scene, shaking it sweetly, as luring him with honey, not vinegar, will score you the winning point.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Between your cute sly smile, your charismatic style and effortless way with words, you’re capable of getting away with murder. Trouble is, when you meet your match, you have to rework your shtick. Luckily, you’re fast on your feet, especially when the motivation is getting on your back.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop living with drama and paranoia. End your bout of hypochondria and mark the 16th as your day to confront your own fears and get tested for all STDS and whatever else you’ve been freaking out about. One less drama in your life won’t just mean more peace of mind, but a smart way to feel like a virgin all over again.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Tables are turning and your relationship will start to enter the dark side — AKA, not-all-about-you and this won’t bode well with you at all. It’ll mean making major decisions and a few adjustments. Luckily, time is on your side, so as long as you can defend your behaviors and throw in some remorse, those all-about-me days don’t have to die just yet.

For The Week Of Aug. 4-10, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The thing you don’t want to buy for yourself this week is Plan B (the morning-after pill) or a date with your gyno. Keep this in mind, as you’ll be more accident-prone, which can cause all sorts of dramatic consequences with a big price to pay. To avoid the trauma, ride the horniness out when possible no matter how enticing the prospects.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

There’s no miracle drug that’s going to cure the irritating habits of your man, and chances are this week his behavior will only aggravate you more. If this isn’t the norm, then this would be the ideal time for you to take a trip away from him to let the mood pass and gain perspective. If this is the norm, then time to send him on a trip for good.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

With your life moving in the fast lane, so will your standards. While those cute boys with a heart of gold and unfulfilled potential would have been able to get into your golden arches before, no longer will they seem so appealing — as you’ll learn this week. Sure, take one more ride for old times sake, but by the end, you see the thrill just isn’t what it used to be.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Lusting for someone at work starts messing with your mind. Thankfully, it’s summer and the office is running at a snail’s pace. This means, if you want to place your bets and source out the goods, this is your best time. However, be cautious about jumping in too fast. Strategy is key to getting your groove on without getting your ass fired.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you try to control every detail in your life, the boredom will eventually kill you. Break this habit by easing the death grip you have on your life right now. Trust you’ve put out more than enough efforts to go into cruise control and have life unravel at its own pace, surprising you sweetly with fated rewards that have a tastiness you couldn’t even imagine, until it happens.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Convention isn’t your style, nor will it ever be. This week, your pervy meter turns up a few notches and you’ll have all sorts of weird fixes. Don’t try to judge yourself or even try to sort it out. Best to take on the whims as they come and discover this new dimension to who you are. It’s sure to make you one popular bitch.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Co-dependence is inevitable in most relationships and this week, it’ll be your way of life. Yes, they’ll be something special about your honey that’ll make you mad for him. You’ll want to eat, sleep and dream about him 24-7. Thankfully, he’ll feel the same and together, you’ll make all your friends want to puke. So, for this week, be kind, keep it behind closed doors.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

People around you will be moving slower, making decisions slower and reacting slower. You on the other hand will be moving faster and feeling far more impatient than usual. To say the least, it’ll feel as you’ve landed on an alien planet with no sense of compassion. That’s right, they’ll be nothing very sexy about this week at all. Nonetheless, a week of good hair days is fated.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Don’t be your worst enemy. Chances to hook up or get the relationship you want is most likely right under your nose. However, being too hung up on your preconceived notions has put you in the stubborn place of checking your list rather than being in the moment. Your assignment of the week: surprise that special someone with spontaneous sex at least twice.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

When you think of love, it’s all about conversations until sunrise, raucous sex, being part of a cute couple that dresses well, etc. A relationship to you is like a cupcake, a tiny morsel of sweetness that fills your soul with bliss — and so it should be. Just don’t forget, that special someone also needs to know how to nurture you while looking hot, otherwise, no deal.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

A crossroads is coming, where you’ll find yourself juggling between two sides of your personalities with two different prospects. Although both options together suit your needs completely, you’ll need to make a choice and you’ll need to do it sooner than later or the universe will and it won’t be as forgiving.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

They’ll be no accounting for your tastes this week, as you curb your appetite for destruction and find your thrills on the cleaner, safer and more traditional side of the street. Of course, this will shock no one more than you, but the slowed pace will be a welcome change and as they say, variety is the spice of life.

For The Week Of July 28- Aug. 3, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Make those drastic decisions quick, before the universe decides for you — because once fate has to intervene, it’s judgment/punishment is going to be way more harsh than even you can dream up on your worst PMS day. So, unless you really crave drama and despair, bite the bullet and do what you must. A clean break will be your best reward.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Something fantastical is coming and it could be anything you’ve been secret hoping for. The deal though is that this superb wish will come to you by way of a friend or a group association. By midweek you should start seeing results. However, don’t expect things to happen in a linear fashion. Surprises are surprises for a reason.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

How you start this week won’t be the way you end it. The stars are aligning to put the spotlight on you and give you the power to have whoever you desire eating out the palm of you hand. Chances are though, this kind of authority won’t have you thinking with your libido, but with your ambition — but not to worry, cash and sex always seems to go hand in hand in your life.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you want satisfaction in your love life, you’re going to have to take the high route…and although denying yourself of the instant gratification will feel like 1 million hammered nails into your brain, trust holding out for the perfect scenario will feel 1000xs more orgasmically explosive. Until then, make patience your tease.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Clear out the old, as a new crop of booty call digits arrives. While they’ll all have something special to offer, the best ones will probably be from foreign lands, offering colorful accents to your life. Just don’t over think these situations though, as these encounters will unravel in time to reveal their surprises. In the meantime, lie back and let the love glide in.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The time to seal the deal is now. Whatever the state of your current relationship, expect it to jump to the next level fast and for your paranoias to end. If you’re single, chances to meet someone you can connect with more than physically can happen out of the blue. Of course, as a gal that does like to be three steps ahead of herself, the only catch is figuring out how to keep the steady pace.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Extreme romance, creativity, fantasy and absolute consuming passion is the only way you love — and as you’ve seen, it’s only gotten you so far. Not to say you can’t have all those things, but when you think in such extremes, you often miss the boat when it comes down to the more practical aspects of a relationship. This week, expect to learn your lesson.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your self-esteem gets put under the microscope as your love life takes a severe shift, bringing a hook-up that isn’t exactly your style, but fits you perfectly nonetheless. What to do when your vanity is at odds with your libido? Own up to whatever floats your boat or hide it in the closet? Only you can steer your way out of this cliffhanger, but trust inquiring minds will want to know.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Discussions about shacking up with your boo will be looming in your mind. Be brave, be the one to break it out and get the ball rolling. At the least, you’ll get the deal about where you’re heading. If you aren’t hooked up with anyone, then time to start thinking about relocating, as it’s time to start using feng shui to get your ass laid.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Good gossip is your drug and will make you do the craziest things. So, when big news finds its way to you this week, love it — as it’ll put you in the hot seat to do with the info as you will. Perhaps it’ll be finding your ex has gone impotent or that your newest love is actually royalty. Whichever the story, wield it like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When it comes to love, thing may be twisted and confusing, but thankfully an onslaught of mad cash is headed your way and will be key to clearing your mind of all headaches. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness was never you. If you play your cards right, as in sort out your distress on a vacation, far away from the problem, upon returning, all will be right with your world.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A day in your life should read as follows: people bowing at your feet, praising your beauty, fawning over your genius and raving about your elegant tastes and sophisticated style. As of the 1st, when the solar eclipse in Leo occurs, that should be the baseline of your normal day. If this doesn’t happen, recheck your birth certificate.

For The Week Of July 21-27, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re a lady that’s always ready for anything. However, fate has other ideas for you this week and the first thing to go will be your judgment. Throw caution and your panties to the wind, as being naughty is the only way you’ll know how to respond to new places and faces. Love it as your mind and body gets reeled around situations never quite imagined before.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

When it comes to friends, you don’t mind blending in the crowd, being the supporting member or the one that’s, “all for one and one for all.” Well, no more. The spotlight is calling your name and it’s time to trump those bitches with one up on them that’ll make them all putrid with envy and idolizing the ground you walk on. Sweet sensation no more, valiant vixen all the way.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Who you are and who the world thinks you are do not match up. In your mind, sensitivity and uncertainly loom way more than apparent on the outside — and it should stay that way. This week, you’ll be in a prime position to start negotiating a better deal in life and love. Use that poker face of yours to get what you want. People will be too scared to say, “No.”

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Reality is not a place you thrive in and thankfully; you won’t have to spend much time in there for the next few weeks. As of the 23rd, life will be rolling at a much faster pace with many more exciting chances to fly farther off the ends of the earth and live the impossible. The best news of it all, you’ll finally have a competent co-pilot that’ll know what buttons to push.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your house of sex, death, mystery and transformation is lighting up and turning up the drama to the umpteenth degree, heightening your senses to astronomical levels of love, lust and power. To say the least, you’ll be getting your kink on and releasing all the tension that’s been making you clumsy. Yes, all your upcoming tawdry antics will be realigning your chi.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

No matter what stress come up in your life, it won’t matter. You’ll be able to stick needles in your eyeballs and not feel a thing, as the divine power of love will be taking you and your baby through a magical journey to never before adventures that’ll have you both knowing that if it’s you and him against the world, all things are possible.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Once the honeymoon ends, the pounds start rolling on. You’ve seen it happen before and you should be damned to let it happen again — to you and your boo. Comfort is great, but not if it’s making you complacent. Let vanity drive your egos and athletic competition fuel your libidos by jumpstarting fitness routines as part of your couple’s shtick. Harder bodies, hotter sex.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Love, it can make you crazy. You know you like your life to have order — however; don’t start skimping on the excitement to get it. Sure, your current lover man might not be able to fill the boots you do, in terms of militant authority and command, but he can make you laugh and for that, it makes him worth his weight in gold. Seriously, lighten up!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Hopefully you live alone and don’t have to deal with an overbearing ego out to get too possessive or bossy on your ass. If you do happen to find yourself in that predicament, know the only way you can combat that power and get the peace back in your life is to turn up the chaos and have him realizing the level you are operating now is compromising.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Beware of what you fess up to this week. Your words have power and to the wrong ears, you can be promising way more than you want to deliver. Save yourself the efforts of having to join a witness protection program and don’t talk a bigger game than you want to play. Psychos are abound and their target is you.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Dating like a label whore isn’t going to make you happy or feel any cooler. Sure, superficial hotness is a novelty you can’t help but indulge in when the opportunity arrives, but you know that empty calorie romance blows. So, keep this in mind when a hot, but vapid stud enters into the scene. Sure, do him, but don’t convince yourself you can love him.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All that saving for a rainy day comes to an end today, when you just say, “F’ it,” and throw the self-discipline out the door. Whatever you’ve been holding yourself back on, thinking it’s good for you, just isn’t. Extravagance, flamboyance and absolute drama are your thing and without it, you aren’t really being you. Don’t deny your destiny!

For The Week Of July 14-20, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Just because they’re your friends, doesn’t mean they can’t talk out of their asses. Take their opinions with a pinch of salt, but if possible, change up your normal social scene. Hanging with new faces in new places will be way more adventurous, putting you right in line with sexily seedy encounters and clandestine affairs.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You know you work better in cruise control than in 5th gear. So, as your impatience grows with a bourgeoning relationship, realize that setting up the friendship groundwork is your best play right now. After all, do you really know what you want? No, it’s your ego that’s driving you to this brink of insanity. Slow down your eager beaver, when it’s right, you’ll get some.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You may not see it right now, but slowly you’re becoming the master of the universe. The power you’ve been craving is slowly saddling up next to you and soon you’ll be able to call the shots in your life the way you like. Although this might be more about your career than love, one will feed off the other and like the laws of attraction will dictate, perfection will be yours.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’re all about high ideals. If you can’t have hope, then why even bother? This will mean cleaning out your closets, cell, and computer of that pesky someone that has been weighing you down. Once you rid yourself of the emotional baggage, you’ll see your optimism soar back to working levels and that getting a grip back on yourself is just a trash bag away.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Conversations with your boo will overwhelm you this week, as tables get turned and priorities get rearranged. Although this phase will be more talk than action, know that it’ll be the motivation behind these conversations that mean the most. Let’s just say you have this one wrapped around your pretty lil finger.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

What you see, might not be what you get. While you’ve been putting your efforts in one direction, another road will pop out in front of you and throw you options that’ll have you feeling like the hottest snatch on earth. Know it, love it, and own it, as the selection will be delish and guaranteed to make your head do more than just spin.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Just talking a big game will be more than enough to keep you in the game. With work responsibilities piling up, you’ll hardly have enough time for you. So, while that someone special will be chomping at the bit to get more of you, muster up your best sense of diplomacy and give just a little. If anything, playing the mysterious tease will win you bigger power down the line.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

A slow and sluggish mood will be hitting your brain and you should totally let it ride until the weekend — because by then, spontaneous invites arrive and exciting opportunities to show off your flair will be apparent. Expect to be the life of the party and turn it out everywhere you go, boosting your ego beyond normal proportions and loading up your pocket with numbers.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

This week, your cosmic message is sent to you from The Smiths, “Shyness is nice and
shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to…So, if there’s something you’d like to try, if there’s something you’d like to try, ask me I won’t say no, how could I?”
Don’t be your own worst enemy; make the move if you want it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stop looping your mind around mysteries of another that you don’t really want to figure out. Instead, take a proactive stance, start transmitting your enigmatic self into the ether and set the pace for the world to revolve around you. What does this mean? Throw a house party this weekend and see what fate brings to your doorstep.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you truly mean what you say, then put your money where your mouth is. Whatever the sitch with your man of the hour, you’re going to have to step it up. It’s time to take the trip together or meet the family. Yes, it’s do or die time and whichever that next step, invest into it and make it the moment perfect. The dividends returned will be worth your while.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A little combative energy never hurt anyone. In fact, it could add a new spice to your love life that’ll make things in the boudoir just that more interesting. With the ball in your court, be creative with how to steer your extra aggression this week, as the planetary alignment inevitably will make you feel 1000xs more headstrong, impatient and uncontrollably passionate.

For The Week Of July 7-13, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Friends will be your raft to the promise land of good times and lots of booty. No matter how busy work gets or how unmotivated you feel, life is happening all round you and your friends are there to remind you of that fact. Even if you get pulled away kicking and screaming, trust by the end of the week, those screams will be stimulated by pleasure, not pain.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your sweetie is no mind reader. If you want him to get a clue on the crap he’s slacking off on — in terms of his own life, not just your relationship, then you will have to take the Mom stance and give it to him straight. For optimum results, plan your attack for the 10th, as you’ll magically find the words that inspire rather than just nag.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop taking the passive role when it comes to matters of the heart. You know the power inside of you and the drive you have when the chips are down — consider this one of those times when you’ll need to climb from the ashes and claim your prize. Otherwise, you’ll only come across like a victim, and in your eyes, can there be anything worse?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’re the sign of morality and honesty. If someone is not able to be truthful, you take it as a sign of a weak character. You know you would never take on a friend that would behave shadily, so stop making excuses for a hot someone that looks the part, but can’t act it. If you were after something more superficial, then fine, but admit it, you never operate that trivially.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Romance will take your brain over and slip you into a one-track mind that has you thinking for two instead of just one. Don’t try to fight this loving feeling, as most people would kill to be in your situation — cozy enough with someone worthy of your gushy thoughts. Sure, you might be out of your element, but as you’ll soon find out, this one will also fit you like a glove.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Time to make decisions, pros and con lists and all round judging of your life. Whether you’re single or attached, habits need switching and there’s no time to waste. Stop blaming the world for your past decisions and realize nothing is permanent. If you try to rationalize your unsatisfactory outlook anymore, you’ll only be digging deeper into dismalness.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Opinions from your family only make you want to do the opposite, making this one of those weeks when you’ll say too much to the one your with, which can cause some minor upheavals as those confessed feelings are driven more by rebellion than honesty. Sure, you can try to fight fate, but sometimes it’s easier to get out of trouble by messing up than standing up.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

It’s one thing to be curious, it’s another thing to ask questions to instigate gossip and rumors. Sure, life is a bit dull right now, but starting trouble is not the way to rock your world. Rather, to put yourself to good use, start planning a redo of your place and bring out your nesting instinct. It in turn will reveal your softer side and attract energy back that’s more sweet than sour.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Keep discussions light when it comes to anything dealing with love. If you try to force something deeper before it’s time, it’ll only kill the steady stride you are on now. This is the time to flirt, share comedic, yet endearing, jabs and things that are all about fun. If you don’t spend your week laughing, rethink your crush.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You know it’s wrong to create tests for prospects to pass, but in your chaotic life, you need some structure. Sure, it’s like a trap, and with your rules, typically no one could ever win. However, this week, there’s one way someone can take home the prize — a little bribery. Yes, amazing what a little green can do, especially in light of your record for dating so many broke ass losers.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Unless you’re with a psycho, no person is going to be upfront about every little detail of their past. No matter how healthy your relationship, there are always going to be secrets. So, while your paranoia starts to get you hot under the collar, redirect it towards something more productive — like other oral fixations. Besides, would you want to reveal all your skeletons?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week, your critical meter will be raging at abnormal proportions and the cat claws will be out. Your patience will be worn thin, but oddly enough this berating routine of yours will build into a bizarre foreplay act that’ll have someone eating out of the palm of your hand soon enough. However, think of this encounter more like an appetizer, rather than the entrée.

For The Week Of June 30-July 6, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

It’s that time to take the lead and gather all your friends and his friends into one place and get that happy family vibe circulating. If you can create peace among the crowd, consider it one step closer to having the life you should be living with your honey. Yes, it’ll be nerve-wracking and yes, it won’t necessarily be cake, but if he’s the right one, all will fall into place.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Motivation will be sinking to dismal levels, but your imagination will still be cranking out the kinkiness. What does this all mean? Expect your loud mouth bottom to be working it as full capacity, making the others work to get some. Yes, wielding fear will be your best sex toy and in fact, you might use it so well that in time you can integrate it into your relationship dynamics.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Lie all you want too, but you have a bigger picture that’s filled with so much sap you could almost drown yourself in it. Don’t deny yourself this fantasy, because the more you keep it to yourself, the less chance you have of making it real and the bigger the odds of being miserable. Sure, opening up is painful, but as you’ve learned, only the first time hurts a little.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It’s not like you’re stupid, but when it comes to scorching passions you’ll say anything to yourself to make it work. It’s not like you’re weak either, but right now you’re just too horny for words. Although mystery, secrets and covert affairs can enhance arousal beyond, understand these consequences you’re playing with may not be worth the price.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Happy times are coming your way and it’s all because of love! Seems even you, Ms. Pragmatic can get that tingly feeling in the pit of her stomach and do silly things, like spend hours finding the right ring tone for your boo. Sure, your IQ points might feel like they are falling at a fast pace, but your sex kitten rating is out the roof. All in all, you’ll be getting a sweet deal.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Saying what’s fair isn’t being a bitch. When it comes to domestic responsibilities, time for equality and change. After all, being a perfect girlfriend does not mean being his thankless maid and hooker. He needs to ante up, show he’s not some slovenly lump, and start hauling ass with gratitude and action. If words don’t change him, withhold your services until he does.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Complications in love are coming. Just as your steady baby gets more driven to go the next step, in walks a sexy stranger that seemingly embodies all your fantasies. While your logic and libido shoot off in two different directions, it’ll be you that has to start facing the music and dealing with where your heart truly lies.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Oddly enough, practicality and tradition will be the things that turn you on the most. Don’t worry; this probably won’t be a permanent change, but something you need to try out just to see how it feels. Sure, flying off to the ends of the earth for just one kiss is usually your style, but what you crave and what will feel the best now is just someone sweet to cuddle with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your temper will shorten by the 2nd, unleashing all your uncensored opinions. Luckily for you though, karma will be on your side. As you’re typically easy going, this bout of verbal diarrhea won’t only feel good for you, but will be just what inspires someone near you to get their crap together. Expect undying gratitude to come your way, and inciting a few crushes your way too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Despite how much you love to talk, it’s those moments of silence that’ll make you the most enamored with your baby. You know it; being a slug together will be your most romantic encounter this week. Go ahead and explore your comfort levels. If you’re new to each other and not anxiously analyzing the situation, know you’ve found a keeper.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

A more spontaneous you will be out and ready to party like it’s 2999. Let your impetuous tastes lead you were they may, even despite the fact that your mind will be reeling from the pace. Sure, you’ll have lots of paranoias to deal with as you live it up, but as long as you can justify your time by being happy, does anything else really matter?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Consequences that cause guilt aren’t your specialty. Thankfully, you’re a smart cookie and with enough self-analysis you’ll be able to think up the proper excuses that rationalize all your naughty behaviors. Think of it as fate letting you steer karma where you may. After all, you’re strong enough to do anything you set your mind to.

For The Week Of June 23-29, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Trust your friends when they tell you the truth about your love life. Seems they’ll be no holding back those strong opinions, so keep an open mind. Chances are someone will say just the right magical words that’ll have you seeing your current state of affairs in whole new light — and bringing on drastic changes that’ll have your whole world rejoicing.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Those pesky daddy issues are going to come back to haunt you, but as long as you recognize it, you’ll be A-Ok. You know it; life can be a real bitch when you’re strolling along feeling together and fine, then someone you meet brings out the darkest sides to you that trip you up and make you have to work on yourself. Thankfully, the efforts will up your stock.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Don’t forget you have standards. No matter how horny you get or how bored you feel, waiting it out for what you want is worth its while. Think of this as the universe testing you and seeing how far you’ve come from your recent trials and tribulations — seeing how much you’ve truly learned. If you’ve smartened up, you’ll know nothing, but perfection, could satisfy you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

When it comes to matters of love or lust, it won’t be easy. Messages will be lost in translation and moody points of view will have you caught in ridiculous power struggles that’ll make you wonder, “What am I doing here?” Yes, this might the time to pack up your bags for a solo getaway or at least away from the oxytocin fountain that’s blinding you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your baby better kiss your ass all week because it’ll be your luck that rubs off on him, giving you both a boost of happiness not seen in weeks. Yes, expect a deluge of unexpected gifts, opportunities and/or general fun to come your way for you and a plus one. It’ll be through these debaucheries that you’ll have a revelation: seeing how fab of team you truly make.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A burst of creative energy, happiness and love hits suddenly, putting you in prime form to attract all sorts of characters. Go ahead, sample them all, as each will offer something special to enjoy. However, this festive vibe also increases fertility — so, unless you want to be called,
“Mom,” stock up on the rubbers.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your libido gets worked, as this week will have you feeling like a kid in the candy shop with everyone sweet talking you and making you feel gushy emotions easily. However, you’ve been around the block before and you know you’re a sucker for love. So, although you’ll have some interesting interactions, be sure to read the fine print.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Who you’re doing is your business and no matter if others think he’s a jerk or not shouldn’t kill your buzz if you’re having fun. For whomever this person or persons trying to rain on your parade, understand their motives do come from a good place, but also from a bitter place too. So, when they go on their tirades, have compassion — they’re just super horny and totally jealous.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’ll have no time for yourself until the end of the week. In the meantime, expect everyone to come whining to you about his or her problems, thinking only you will have a magical solution to lift them from their funk. No, it won’t be sexy and will kill your need to be social. Thankfully you’ll have your toys to keep you company and thank god they never talk back.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Finally, you’ll get to say, “I told you so,” to those losers who didn’t trust you knew what you were talking about. Well, payback is here and the vindication will feel better than ten orgasms on a slow day. Those who thought you were only talking out of your ass will now be duly impressed and working to get into it instead. Too bad for them, suck-ups turn you off.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you don’t act selfishly this week, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself. With the sun entering Cancer, this is your time to make outrageous demands and have the extra energy to enforce them. The only drawback is your idealism won’t be so stellar. Luckily, this throe of power will help you fight that feeling, making you feel like the loud mouth top you should be.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Patience and fine-tuning are necessary to save your ego from crumbling apart. Seems you’ll be operating on a way more sensitive level than usual, making you take every comment uttered and action committed personally. While some of this will be your psychic power tuning in, most of it will be your paranoia. Be smart; know how to distinguish between the two.

For The Week Of June 16-22, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

A power struggle between you and your honey is coming, most likely in regard to your families and/or home situation. Whichever the situation, someone needs to be the bigger person and ante up for the first round of negotiations. Obviously, if he were any kind of gentleman, it should be him, says you, tradition and yes, even the universe.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

There is a lot of satisfaction found in gloating, so when the answers to questions you have been wondering come in and all prove you are indeed the brightest bulb on the block, go ahead and obscenely love your victory. Besides the fact that you earned every second of the spotlight, the added confidence will put you in line for some hot rewards.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

No one ever can predict what you’re thinking behind your spying eyes or where you’re heading off to next. Yes, mystery is your M.O. and that’s what you thrive on, have built your image on and gets you laid the most. Well, times up on this ole trick, at least for now, as switching up your act for a more in your face routine is what’ll keep the onlookers mesmerized.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This will be one of those weeks that’ll be incredibly amazing with your boo or it’ll suck hard. If things have been going one way, expect the trajectory to stay the same, but move a lot faster. Whichever, you will hit a plateau this week that has you planning ahead for the future in a major way.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t bother resisting who ever it is that you’ve been hanging out with, because his reason to charm is genuine. Besides, why so be hard on yourself? This person only means to bring good into your life and if you want to mess that up, it’ll be up to you. Of course, with the promise of legendary sex and sweet affection, only an absolute tool would refuse.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

There are times in your life you just won’t be able to control what flies out of your mouth, much like this week. The good news is that the universe is on your side and even though you might initially feel some embarrassment over your confession, things will work out in your favor and what you reveal will be just what needs to be said to get you what you desire.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Dealing with power hungry ho’s will tire you out and make you want to kill — and inadvertently, when this side of you comes out, it’ll be the biggest turn on for the one closest to you. You know it; this is your time to show you aren’t going to take crap from anyone. Unfortunately, you might not see results desired, but at the least, you will feel a hell of a lot better from the release.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Free your nastiest fantasies to your honey. The dirtier you get, the more liberating you’ll feel. After all, this is your time to show him who you really are — a depraved sex maniac that’ll go to any lengths to seek out a new thrill and taste a new flavor. Of course, after revealing your mysteries, realize it’s his turn then to show you if he truly is man enough for you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Some serious conversations are going to go down with you and another, but it won’t be someone too close to you, but more like an acquaintance. Whether this person is someone you want in your pants or not will be more apparent as the days go on and you learn what he is all about. However, realize it’s about the emotion behind the words rather than just what he is saying.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your light-hearted and jovial attitude is your selling point. However, when you find yourself falling, you seem to switch into acting detached rather than wildly in love. This will cause a problem. This week, there’s a full moon in your partnership house, which means time to cut out this bad habit. Even if it’s not your size, do try to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Everybody loves instant gratification, but now is when you’ll be obsessed with it. Expect someone or something to catch your eye so hard that it’ll make you insane with drive and hope to possess it. Push all you want, but realize that you’re playing with forces beyond your control — which means, put it out there, but draw the line at being creepy.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A maturity test comes your way when an ex pops back into the scene and old feelings return. However, your current situation will have you keeping it in your pants, but your curiosity will have you crawling up the walls. Sure, love the drama he brings, but settle for the friendship — at least for now.

For The Week Of June 9-15, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Go ahead and zone out. This won’t be one of those times that it’ll be too exciting or delicious to have to pay attention. Best to go into your own head and sort out the details of how you would like life to unfold, as better times are coming and it’s best you have a plan of action ready to go. Until then, make nice with your toys.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your charm and elegance will be in top form to woo a crush from far away. However, like a ballet, for now you need to keep the illusion going by keeping him at an arm’s length. Once you build up the mystery, things will fall into order. However, proper choreography is necessary to slip all pieces in the right place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All your wishing and hoping comes to a halt. Finally, you’ll see some major action and green lights brightening up your life, propelling you far ahead of the competition. With so much momentum, this is your perfect time to drop the baggage weighing you down. Yes, some may see this move as ruthless and cold, but whatever, those losers will never be as success as you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get in some quality time with your honey will be next to impossible. Seems no matter how you try, your schedules will repel each other. Thankfully, being the gal that you are, distance will make your heart grow fonder and your body hornier than a goat on E. By week’s end though, no matter what stands in your way, the forces of nature won’t be able to keep you apart.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Experience tells you all you need to know. Realize you have learned your lessons well enough to be an expert, so understand any repeat of the past will only make you out to be the dummy. As they say, “Fool you once, same on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” C’mon now darling, you’re way stronger and smarter than needing to be burned again.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Old loves die hard and that’s why it’s impossible to ever think you can go right into being friends with someone you’ve shared an intimacy with. Sure, you’re the sign of friendship and you have a special talent to remain aloof despite the most emotional tensions — but why torture yourself? Disappearing, even just momentarily, isn’t being weak, it’s being smart.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to talking crap about your boyfriend, only you have that right. After all, you sleep with him and listen to his whining all day, right? Right. So, when certain members of your family start bombarding you with their opinions, know your rights. Of course, if you’re too tired to defend him because of the time you spend babying him, keep your ears open.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your creative juices will be making you feel extra frisky and wild. Channel some of those kinky ideas into flirting with your baby and reviving the passion back to the days when love was so fresh and new that all other responsibilities, other than being with each other, felt inappropriate. If single, hit up prospects online. This brilliance will translate beautifully into literary genius.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to trying to express your feelings and get them understood, it’ll feel as if you’re taking two steps forward then three steps back. The frustration will leave you so distraught, you’ll think of giving up — don’t. Patience is key to getting what you want, as the answers you want to hear are heavier that you can imagine and will take time to come out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stop all that neurotic judging of yourself and really look at where you are. Your life is fine and you should be proud of the fantastic job you’ve done, getting yourself where you are — you’re a total prize. With that in mind, don’t say anymore to procure that someone into your clutches. If he has any clue or worth, he’ll know it’s his turn to sh*t or get off the pot.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Chances are you’re feeling trapped and only see a few viable options. However, this is all in your head. Seems you’re currently your own worst enemy, but only you can snap yourself out of this. Of course, hitting bottom is usually the only way for you to bounce back to the top — but make a note; you have only until the 19th to wallow. After that, you’ll have no more excuses

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love is your drug. You’ll be OD-ing on the stuff so hard; you may have trouble keeping life balanced. As for friends, it won’t be so easy to chalk it off as jealousy. While some will be a bit green with envy, most of them won’t and will see what’s happening for what it is. Sure, you’re entitled, but c’mon, how old are we already? Return their calls and don’t flake on them.

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