• friskyscopes

For The Week Of December 29, 2008-January 4, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Let loose and have your baby show what he’s got, as in taking the reins and being in control. Although he’ll take a different approach than you, making you initially wonder about his abilities, have faith. In store is a surprise that’ll have you feeling as if you’re the smartest, hottest and most romantic couple in the world.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You have such a pleasant way about you that even when you bite off more than you can chew, others somehow find forgiveness in their heart to not even express an iota of irritation towards you. This week, when you do it again, know you’re playing the devil. Do try to say, “No,” when you can and save yourself from dealing with hell.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Being “accidentally” outted on one of your secrets by someone close to you will make you want to kill. However, going the violent route isn’t going to win you as much bliss as much as staying civil and using guilt as your weapon to slowly gut the offender and anyone else involved. After all, accidents can happen on two-way streets.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There’s no reason to have to get specific about anything in regard to matters of love, sex and relationships. You are under no obligation to have to lay down any detailed commitment, as being vague will do. After all, painting a bigger picture will do far more for inspiring another than trying to haphazardly fill in the dots.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

With the new year here, time to see if your boo is really going to put his money were is mouth is, as all those promises he made have reached payback day. If he isn’t making the moves to ensure his words, time you start enforcing your deadlines. However, don’t be cruel, be tantalizing, as it’s the tease that’ll get your ultimatums met.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your latest will inspire all sorts of sexy ideas to crawl to across your mind, making you one hot bed of smut. Thankfully, you’ll also be totally impatient and want what you want, when you want it — which is a fun change of events from your usual methodical methods. This time, the ride you’ll be giving will be so legendary; they’ll want to name a coaster after you at Six Flags.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your tastes are impeccable, at least superficially speaking. However, this week, cue into something deeper. With choices that pop up now, there’ll be more than meets the eye and while the obvious will hypnotize, fight it. Realize the more intriguing and hotter match is beneath a more unique package.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Just when you think you’re onto the right path and that life will unfold in a manner you can comprehend and accept, in comes fate to test you. Yes, in blows a blast from the past that’ll make you curious. However, the story always ends the same — badly. To get a full recap, confer to your friends and have them intervene. They’ve seen it all and don’t want to see it again.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Remember, you‘re the sign of patience, so don’t rush it with a new prospect. Clear your mind of what you think you should be showing off about yourself and relax. Let him do the show-and-tell. You’re in prime position to sit back and enjoy the show, as pushing it to go faster and not taking time to develop a friendship first will result in awkward sex.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ll hear many promises made by your boo and all of which will sound too fantastical to even consider. However, surprises will come from strange circumstances, so strap on your suspension of disbelief and go with it. It’ll be the sexiest thing to put on this week, even if only for 15 minutes.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your eyes will be bigger than your vagina, as hotness overload happens and they’ll be too many scrumptious bodies floating near your life, making you want to eat them all up. Luckily, your negotiating skills will be sharp and you’ll have a nice way you can finagle keys numbers into your pocket. However, what happens from there might be more talk than action.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be getting some headway when it comes to discussing logistical issues with your baby and dealing with those day-to-day tasks that cause petty arguments and somehow build up resentments. This is your week for the breakthroughs and getting it all back to mushy-mushy land, where everything he does will feel golden once again.

Coming This Week: Kiki T’s 2009 Astrological Guide!

Oh yeah, baby, Kiki T has outdone herself. This week, she’ll be breaking down the year ahead for every sign in the zodiac, cluing you in to what’s coming up in terms of love, madness, and obsession. AND she’s even giving you the best dates for love, luck, charisma, and, of course, sex, in 2009. I have already cheated and skimmed mine and let me tell you — given what I already know about my year ahead, Kiki is as accurate (and funny and witty) as ever. So keep checking back this week and tell all your friends! Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 22-28, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As long as you’re in party mode, nothing will go wrong. This is your time to let loose and free yourself. If this means getting wasted and fessing up to your crush or spilling the beans to your baby on your nasty fantasies, go for it. The outcome will be better than expected. Taking chances will bring you just rewards, so play the game and win those prizes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With the new moon and sun happening in your family sector, this will give you the best luck when it comes to dealing with the crazy relatives. If this includes bringing your baby home to meet the parents or vice versa, it’ll go swimmingly as the whole idea of being one cozy little clan will happen better than you possibly could imagine.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If your holidays entail a short trip, then color yourself happy as good times will come your way in the form of new and interesting types crossing your path, offering lots of worthwhile conversation and charming flirtations. While they might be more of the fleeting variety, they’ll be enough to be a nice warm Yule log roasting in your open fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t underestimate the power of wealth. If your sweetie isn’t spending the cash literally or metaphorically on you this holiday, take it as a bad sign. Sure, there is a recession going on, but if your present underwhelms, it’s a direct translation of his feelings. After all, thought, care and sentimentality are free and priceless.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

This is your time to hop on top of any pressing matters that have been stressing you out and ride that sucker into your control. This will give you the biggest feeling of satisfaction you’ve had in a long time, as enthusiasm to be in the moment will return and that feeling of joie de vivre sparkles in your once again. Reward yourself with new f*** me shoes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Holiday madness will force you to want to retreat and go into soul-searching mode by the end of the week. Seems the barbaric ways of the people around you will be inducing you into a subtle coma that’ll have you needing private time to recoup for the second round of cheer. Avoid the guilt, as you’ve put in your penance. Yes, you’ve earned your freedom of hermitdom.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s going to be all about the love you give others, which might wind up being a little thankless early on, but chances are a surprise is coming for you that’ll prove that all your nurturing and nagging has paid off as someone close to you will be giving you something you’ve always wished and dreamt of.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your fame is on the rise, but don’t let it go to your head. Not to say you don’t deserve all the accolades for a job well done, but not if this means taking on a snotty attitude because that won’t fly well with your honey who will be more than willing to take the role of authority and spank you back into your place. Of course, with such a firm hand, it’ll be a punishment that’ll please.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Expect one of those legendary holidays that deepen you and your boo’s bond, elevating your relationship to a more spiritual level that’ll have you feeling like you’ve been slipped a ruffie. Cast your apprehension aside, as all the doubts and questions you have in your mind will magically get their answers as the rest of the year unravels.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Lucky devil, your house of sex is lighting up big time. It seems a new man is about to come into your life to shake your feathers in a way you’ve never quite had before, bringing out a more intimate side to you that has you feeling more intense. You know it, this mystery man will be a chock full of surprises, ones that can even make you blush.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your relationship’s commitment factor will be your major focus, as big decisions are coming down to the wire. Yes, this is going to be one of those make or break moments that’ll have you feeling the pressure. Luckily, the chances are it’ll be sweet and perfect, so make sure you have the full on hair and make-up happening because these moments will be Kodak moments.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All your vices will be wearing thin, making you feel exacerbated by the old ways and ready for a change. Call it your own X-mas Carol moment, but something will jog your mind, throwing you into a future tense mode and forcing change. Yes, sudden break-ups and breakdowns are expected, but at the end, you’ll be victorious.

For The Week Of December 15-21, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re under no obligation to do anything you don’t want to. After all, why fight the selfish, lazy, and irritable mood that’s how you honestly feel? Bah humbug all the way, but you’re not the only one feeling the slump. When it comes to connecting over misery, you’ll find complaining is an effective and joyous method of foreplay.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Bitching will get you heard, and the louder the better. No more sitting on the sidelines, trying to play perfect in your partnership, as that isn’t going to make you happy at the end of the day. This isn’t to say your honey isn’t out to please, but when you don’t say a thing, how will he ever know what to do? He may be cute, but smart? Not always.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll finally hear words you want to hear, but where that’ll lead won’t be what you’d assume. It seems a new can of worms will open, leading you down another dramatic path that has more questions than answers. At least the power to decide your fate is back in your hands, and that’s as good as you can ask for at this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The bottom line on your current prospect is if you’re not feeling the love by this week, call it quits, as you’ll never get to that level of intimacy you crave. Yes, your optimist is getting the better of you, and to think your latest deeper than he is would only be wasting your imagination. Better to spend your time in bed catching up on sleep.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If your baby can’t get with your current program, then it’s time to listen to those voices in your head and reconsider past compromises you’ve made as a favor to him. Time to see the bigger picture and realize you’ve been getting the shorter end of the stick. Llike any red-blooded lady, if you’re going to be stuck with any side of the a stick, you need it big. Don’t settle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to friends, it makes life a lot easier when they’re enablers. This week, when life brings a new batch of weirdos to court you, feel free to call in the peanut gallery to get their assessments. Chances are they’ll find just the right way to paint a fun and enticing picture. After all, if your love life can’t be rewarding, it should at least be entertaining.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

New loves are not your old ones. Sure, the past matters in building your future, but when you short-circuit and hold someone new accountable for past sins of a prior relationship, that’s called head-tripping. Resolve your issues before getting in too deep with another. The emotional luggage you’re carrying is a cross too heavy to bear for you and any other trying to get near.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your idealism will be percolating with all sorts of grand visions of your holidays, which can be a source of great inspiration or damnation, depending on the expectations you place on those around you. However, chances improve if you use your expansive imagination, as it seems those around you won’t be on par with your agenda.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Midweek, there’ll be a blip of something that could be remotely romantic in your life, but otherwise this isn’t the perfect moment for love. Surprisingly enough, you won’t care, as you’ll be far too consumed with work and trying to get all those errands done on time to be free enough to enjoy getting properly sloshed and sexed during the holidays.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Secrets are going to pour out, and skeletons in closets that you didn’t think you had will blindside you. Thankfully, this will come just in time to show you that your latest catch isn’t as dull as you had assumed and actually has some edge. Now, with gossip and drama back at your disposable, you’ll be feeling in your element once again.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Finally, you’ll feel as if the universe has some sympathy for you, as that contentious side of your honey will subside and be willing to call a truce long enough to discuss compromise. However, just because he’s talking the right words, until he backs it up with action, don’t sigh that breath of relief quite yet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People can badger you all they want and you can ignore them — but when your boo starts throwing his two cents in on the way you should be living, that’s when you have to break out the diva speeches and tell him to stop projecting his crap onto you. While there might be some truth in his accusations, there are other, less rude ways to nag, without killing your holiday buzz.

For The Week Of December 8-14, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Not everyone is as together as you, but you can’t penalize another for it. This week, there may be hope if you’re willing to take control and show him the way. Frustrating and aggravating, for sure. Rewarding and touching, surprisingly so. Seems something about his neediness will be endearing and something about your bossiness will be extra saucy.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll have to tune out a lot when it comes to getting the romantic week you deserve. As it’ll go, there’ll be many opinions spewed and many demands made that won’t bode well with your state of mind. However, the visuals will be to your liking and as long as you approach the matters as objects d’art having its nuances they’ll be no pain.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Negotiations with you and sweetie are going to get tough in many ways. Besides seeing another side to that someone you didn’t think could exist, it’ll also bring out a feeling inside of you that you hate. All in all, an emotionally stressful time that’ll have you needing to spend a lot of money on useless things.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your freakiness is about to turn up a few notches as they’ll be a friendly someone that’s been close to you this whole time that’ll unleash his and inspire you to spill all your secrets as if you were the fountains of Trevi — and like that historical spot, if you throw your two cents in, you’ll get what you ask for.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Nobody is perfect and although you know it, you somehow can’t seem to accept it. So, instead of trying to fight yourself and convince yourself that the impossible can happen with this person, remove yourself from the situation where you have these expectations and vindicate yourself. Out of sight is soon out of mind.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Listening to your human sex toy bitch all day blows, especially when he doesn’t pay attention to all your worries and woes. If you’re going to get any satisfaction this week, it’ll be through more private and personal affairs. Tune out the world and focus back on you. If this means plugging in a more loyal friend, at least it’s guaranteed to satisfy without talking back.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Burn the sage and clear the negative vibes from your home. The energy has gone straight up sour. Refresh the mood to revitalize your inner vixen. Although this might sound ridiculous now, do it and in a few days you’ll see your pad return to being party central with your body as the altar in which many will want to worship. After all, what do you have to lose?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Not everyone can be your honey and not everyone can be just a friend. If it were that easy, there would be far less books on the shelves in stores today. So, instead of frustratingly trying to make sense of a star-crossed situation, accept you can’t put a circle in a square and do what you must. Only you can draw this boundary and the chalk is in your hands.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your misguided generosities have burned you before, but you never seem to learn. This time around, you have too much to lay on the line for just any pretty face that you think you can save. Pull the purse strings shut now and put your love where it’ll matter, as in anywhere, but with him. If he’s worth it, let him sort it out and then try to win you back.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ve exhausted explaining your point of view. If that special someone isn’t seeing it, you might have to question his intelligence and weigh out how important the issue at hand truly is versus how dear that oblivious person is to you. However, if you give them the chance to express to you without words what they do understand, you might just find a compromise.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your wild side will be out needing to be satiated. Unfortunately, your logic will be tugging at you, trying to censor your behavior and leaving you one big ole confused mess. Luckily, you’re in the right place at the right time to take cues from your boo, as listening will be bring you the sweetest nectar.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Battles with your baby that you never thought would end are going to. Call it a miracle or a hard won truce, but your peace of mind will get restored. Love it and don’t question it. In fact, best to move ahead quickly to erase the trauma from your minds. If possible, go for a spontaneous weekend love-fest. From there, all things will be possible again.

For The Week Of December 1-7, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

No matter how much logic you use to figure out your boo’s next move, you won’t be successful. He’s going to be unpredictable, shaking up your household and causing major upheavals to your domestic routines. The good news is that your relationship can use a breath of fresh air and this bout of extremes will do more than its fair share to revive the passion.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If your love life has been in a slump, the universe’s suggestion is as follows: put away your preconceived notions, hop on the Internet and strike up an international flirtation just to get your blood pumping. It’ll be far enough to keep you from getting hooked, but accessible enough to get your ready to hit the locale scene more confidently and charismatically.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Talk is boring, no matter how seductive the words, because at this stage of your game, if all you have are promises and no actions, you’re as good as nowhere. This week, stop listening and start demanding. If you’re not getting your needs met, end the charades. The good news, if you stand up for yourself, a just payback for your wasted time will arrive promptly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’ll be feeling inspired and loving life; exuding energy with every step and being you’re in your prime. The bizarre twist to it all? Your attractions will veer right and you’ll find your satisfactions with safer tastes. Hey, whatever gets you off. At the least, this malleable bottom will be the perfect compliment to you being the revved-up-top, so bon appetite!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You know what turns you on, so fess up and own it. Rather than thinking yourself a pervert and hiding your dirty little secret, wear it like a badge of honor. Be proud you at least know that much about yourself, as most people won’t even get that far. Plus, if you say it with pride, you’ll find that right ear to hear it loud and strong, proving that the laws of attraction are on your side.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

It’s sexy to have a secret love affair, but not if you’re having it out of the shame and judgment you feel others will give. No matter, the cat is coming out of the bag this week, as snooping friends catch onto your game and expose your double life. However, unlike what you suspect, the support you’ll get will have you barreling out of the closet with pride

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Listening to your friends is the only way you can get yourself out of the mess you’ve dug up with a current flirtation gone wrong. Seems there’s a dangerous web you’ve woven and it’ll take more than just a few apologies to get you out. Instead, corral the team to create a major strategy with precision execution. Yes, sometimes it takes village to keep your love life on track.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Keep your eye on the prize, as in holding tight to your ideals and zipping your integrity in your pants. You know your instincts don’t lie and going against your agenda isn’t doing you any favors. Besides, if there’s one thing you hate, it’s knowing that another has won something over on you — and in this case, is he even worth it? Don’t let horny curiosity be your downfall.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Being screwed-over by sweet-talking cuties with only sex on the brain has taken its toll. Now, with the tables are turned, it’s you that possesses all the power. However, deciding where to let your karma flow isn’t as easy as you thought, as it’ll contort your mind and twist your body into shapes and places you never thought possible. Seems having a soul isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

As long as you keep your standards low and your patience in check, they’ll be no reason your love life can’t go into cruise control and have you feeling as if you’re on a sunny all-inclusive vacation in paradise. So what if you have to ignore a few details and play up your imagination a little? Just be happy you’ve landed someone to look the part.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Relationships aren’t easy. If it were, would there be as many songs about it or books on how to get a clue? Keep this in mind as your brain hits a crazy place that has your jealousies raging out of control and your paranoia getting the better of you. What does this all mean? You’re in deep. How to set yourself free of this madness? Fess up and admit those three magic words.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be in that perfect romantic mindset to set the stage for all things beautiful in your love life, worshiping your honey and having the same awestruck emotions flooding back. However, because life is a bitch, things are never that easy. As much as you want the story to unfold flawlessly, realize the one glitch that has this from moving ahead? The workaholic in you.

For The Week Of November 24-30, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Don’t be scared of innovation. When it comes to getting more out of old situation, it’ll mean taking bigger risks and shaking up your foundations to try something far fetched — and the more progressive the ideas, the more they’ll work. Yes, long as you remain passionate and show how much you want it, fate will find its way to grant you your wish.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

On the agenda: making decisions on where to set your anchor. Although you may love whom you’re with, thinking for the long-term will be pressing on your mind and it’ll mean projecting yourself into your ideal future, uncovering what your real happily ever after is and accepting the picture you find, no matter what. From there, actions will be obvious and possibly painful.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Intimacy isn’t your strong quality. Either you avoid it like the plague or you are so hardcore about it, you squeeze those close to you to a pulp. While you always mean well, it’s not working. To get back on track, time to change your song and dance. Time to redefine what being well-adjusted is without thinking it’s going to bore you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Erase, “No,” from your vocabulary, as doing what you want, when you want and however you want will be your path to a living nirvana. It’s a time to take no prisons, as in letting your mouth run and having your body follow, as when you’ll be at your rawest is when you’ll be at your sexiest and most effective. Yes, time to see if others can rise to the challenge.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Guilt is a dirty word and the more you judge yourself for a past wrong doing, the more defeated you get and the sad thing is, at the end of the day, it’s only you who is punishing yourself as harshly as you are. There’s no scoreboard, but until you really embrace that fact, help yourself along in the healing process by embracing the teaches of Peaches, “F*** The Pain Away.”

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your love life is running all over the place and not in a good way. As if goes, your objectivity is shot and there isn’t a quick fix you can implement alone — which means time to call in your most clever friends to cook up a scheme to get you back on the fast track with your honey, as it goes with you, Miss. Sign of Friendship, it sometimes does take a village.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You career will be moving up a few notches and into a faster lane. This will mean you have to step up to the plate and make your love life a priority just the same. You have a tendency to flip to the extremes, but this time around you have way too much on the line to just wing it. This time around, organization is mandatory.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The structure of your life is starting to come undone and you should let it. All the rules you put on yourself have done nothing, but backed up you into a wall. Face it, the view sucks and you aren’t as happy as you thought. While you have proven you have a great ability to complete task, you haven’t proven how to sustain happiness — put that back on top of your agenda now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Behind close doors, you love it dirty. However, there’s no need to have to keep everything under a tight lid, as the more you express your frisky side, the more the laws of attraction will work for you. Forget the shame, forget the guilt, forget the pristine image you want to project, etc. From here on out, call it as you want it or be stuck with the crumbs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re either committed to love or on your way to being committed because of love. There are no other options for you now as the extremes are hitting you hard and making you think all sorts of crazy things about yourself, life and the male species. To find out which side of fate you want to experience, be willing to dig deep into your inner soul to find the answers.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Thanks to a major shift in your partnership house (big bad Pluto the karma planet moving in for the next 16 years), expect your closest relationships to go through a complete transformation starting now. What it means? Being quicker to cut the bullsh*t ties that have only kept you busy and rising to a higher standard for those you love. All round, improvements all the way.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

As long as you can articulate yourself, you’ll be clear of any love catastrophes. Seems your words will be the sweetest music to someone out there, seducing him to do as you wish. However, know there will be a payback time and that how you set up the foundation now will set the price for later. In other words, be kind.

For The Week Of November 17-23, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your drive will be tanking, as your energies get scattered. Instead of panicking and thinking the worst, take this as a sign to cool down and recollect yourself. If anything, this is a perfect opportunity to rekindle the magic with your baby and realize there is more to your life than just fighting for the finer things, but appreciating them too.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You mind will be wandering far from your body; to get things to match up again, take a spontaneous trip. Even if time won’t allow anything major, just doing a sleep over at a friends will do the trick as anything that removes you from your day to day life will do wonders in putting you back in the right frame of mind to f**k and frolic the way you love it once again.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’ll be all out anarchy at Scorpio central this week. Your mind will run about with ambitious thoughts, your body consumed with more practical pursuits and then there’ll be your spirit. Seems your inner soul will be feeling a bit restless and a bout of wild curiosities will tempt you into all sorts of interesting turmoil. Yes, you know it, the bitch is back!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It’s your way or the highway and if your honeyman can’t get with that program, then he better reconsider who he is getting himself in deeper with. This isn’t your time to compromise and there’s no reason you should be. If anyone thinks they can interfere, well, that person has no idea who you really are and won’t ever. Accept that now and forever have your peace.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A trip down memory lane can happen any moment, forcing you to have to rectify your past and deal with ongoing issues that are driving a big ole wedge into your love life. Although using this as your cushion to avoid anyone getting close to you has been a fun game of cat and mouse so far, things won’t be as cute going forward. Cease and desist those blocks now!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Exploring new faces and different places will make for a big surge in your popularity, as long as you know how to spread your love around and work it, because sitting in one place too long won’t bode well for you, as going in too deep with anyone will cause friction and disinterest. You know it, it’s all about the superficialness this week, so live it, love it and OD on it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your motivation will be on the rise, but if you waste this energy towards your romance, rather than your career, you’ll be missing the boat of major opportunities to get to a new level in your life that can have you meeting a higher standard of men that will understand your dreams better and know how to support you. In other words, fight your instant gratification instinct!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your appetite for adventure will increase to a heightened level of excitement and make you horny for foreign meat. Break free of your confines and do all you can to get what you must, as tasting the pleasure of something out of your norm will be what satisfies you the most. If this means booking yourself a trip to a far away land, consider it foreplay for the best ride of your life.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You are under no obligation to have to tell whom ever you are sleeping with all you secrets, unless they are of the STD variety. Otherwise, having some mystery should be an enticement to keep the passion alive. However, playing this both ways is going to be necessary to make it work, as in accepting he’s got a few skeletons in his closet too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Get off the fence and say, “Yes!” Whatever opportunities are coming your way in terms of partnership will only bring about luck. Sure, you have some issues with commitment, as in claustrophobia, but nothing ever has to be forever. Instead of trying to paint a big ugly picture, see it as pieces of a puzzle you want to sort out.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Changing up your routines will do wonders for your overall morale, as just thinking about a better life isn’t going to happen — that just isn’t how the laws of attraction work. To win it, you have to be in it. So, this means putting your feet in the water and not being afraid to get a little dirty. Besides, deep down what you truly do desire is a little filth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your libido will have a mind of its own and if you try stopping it from its path of destruction, you will only have yourself to blame, as it seems it will have an invincible power to see, aim, and conquer. So, just sit back, look pretty and follow those impulses, as it’ll give you all that you want and didn’t know you thought was so delectable.

For The Week Of November 10-16, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Trust the words you’ll hear from that someone without going deep into analysis, trying to break down everything to the barest meaning and therefore deconstructing anything of substance. In other words, don’t be your worst enemy. The love you hear is the love you are getting, end of discussion.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your boo is going to turn into a big baby this week and depending on how much you really care, it’ll mean a week of playing nursemaid. However, chances are, no matter how you feel, you’ll do the right thing anyway. Just pay attention to your feelings at the end of the week though, because if a flood of resentment comes your way, realize it’s there for a real reason.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

In case you didn’t know, you’re the sign of mystery, which will make more than perfect sense as your attractions do a 180 and take you down a slippery slope into a land with inhabitants you’ve never experienced before are found to be mesmerizing intriguing. You know it, get your latex bodysuit on and get ready to step into a sci-fi adventure that logic can’t explain.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

As much as your idealism is a part of you, it’s not going to do much for the overall picture of the life you truly want to lead if you just live to fantasize. To say it nicely, finding a guy with no prospects is what it is. No matter how much potential you believe he has, if he is not acting on it actively, don’t wish for the best. This week, realize a guy with some cash isn’t the devil.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

All the cards will be in your hand as of the 13th, when Venus enters Capricorn and bestows you a feeling of increased charm, elegance and beauty. Cosmically, you’ll have an extra special twinkle in your eye that’ll give you superhero strength to seduce who you wish and play any situation to your liking. Just remember, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Typically it’s you wielding the power of guilt, getting others to do as you wish backhandedly. Now, the tables will turn and it’ll be up to you to have to decipher what is real and what is just flat out manipulation. While the person twisting the screws might mean well, unless they learn to play properly, consider all angles before moving ahead.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Fast, hot and scintillating love can ignite, but don’t go crazy and plan too far ahead. While you’ll go beyond the normal reaches of your comfort zone, once you get there you’ll find that staying there isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not to say you’ll get burned, more like the other way around. As it goes, your temperamental side can strike just as quickly.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Love can mean more than just getting you off, as in turning up your power couple status and hitting the town. This week, two heads are better than one and can result in cold hard cash. If no events are on the agenda, then take the initiative and create the opportunities, as in a dinner party or an outing of some sort. If all goes well, expect your first pay out in the bedroom.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

All will be right in your world if you hook up with someone vastly different than you this week, as in a different culture, religious background or country, etc… If you’re already with someone, turn out your more adventurous side with new places to do it and new toys to bring in. As it goes, right now it’s all about shaking up your system that’ll get your rocks off more intensely.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your libido is going to be in charge and they’ll be no stopping her from wanting to do the things she is going to want to do. Sure, you might see the danger in where you will go, but curiosity will over ride all and at the end of the day, it’s just another fascinating tale to tell that may or may not end as predictably as you think.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter what chaos at work is flying at you or what your crazy family is trying to get you to do, you be able to tune it all out to find peace of mind. The magical key to your paradise of cool and calm? The hot piece of meat lying in your bed willing to do as you wish without question. Thank your lucky stars for the deluge of endorphins that’ll numb any disaster away.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Showing your devotion through humility is the loudest message of love you can give. Although you’re not a lady to bow down to menial labor, such acts of affection will mean the most to that special someone in dire need of signs of your loyalty. Take his car to the wash or do his laundry. It’s those little tasks that’d be all you need to do to have him wanting to “eat in” all week long.

For The Week Of November 3-9, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You never know who is going to pop into town this week, so prepare by doing a light sweep through your home and get it ready for anything, as your bed will be the place of many possibilities. If this seems like an absurdity, then be open to the fact that it might be you that will be the one laying her head down somewhere unexpected.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If you think of your relationship like a business, in terms of money, life together will be much easier to tackle. This will probably include doing a complete financial overhaul in how you both treat your cash and possibly each other, but unless you level the playing field, someone will be bitterly holding onto the shorter end of there stick and that person is most likely you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Thank your lucky stars as Mercury enters Scorpio on the 5th, putting your brain in the fast lane to move forward unflinchingly. Yes, they’ll be no more second-guessing, as you happily go into a mental cruise control and see the obvious more comfortably and succinctly than ever. You know it; your Scorpio sex-bombness is back in full action!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your idealism and creativity will be reaching new levels, but don’t use your power for over estimating a hot guy with a dull mind, as accepting what you see is what you get will be your biggest challenge this week. However, being that you are the original fun time gal, as long as it feels good, why think too deeply about anything? Inspiration comes in all forms.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Beware of at least one friend shooting off unsavory comments about your current state of affairs. While it’s obvious that she or he is jealous and trying to pick a fight, don’t fall into the trap by rebutting. Resist being an outlet for their sexual frustrations, but don’t be a bitch either and rub it back into their face (too hard).

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

All those idiosyncrasies about your honey that you’ve convinced yourself are endearing qualities will start to unnerve you again. Chances are it’ll make you wonder why you’re in your current relationship and if your man isn’t actually holding you back. Resist running into the fire, instead put in longer hours at work to get space and reconfigure your priorities.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Actions and words from your crush du jour will finally sync up, giving you the green light to go off the deep end in love. While this means making big plans, do understand that it’ll require you to take the reins and be the dominant one. If this bodes well for you, welcome to your fantasy. If not, know it’ll get old fast — so, get all the good sex in while you can still stomach him.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your relationship paranoias and jealousies will make you act in all sorts of erratic ways, as you’ll want to probe your suspicions while trying to ignore them at the same time. To say the least, it’ll be a bit of a messy time for you as you mentally plunge into the depths of your soul to sort out your deepest feelings and your true sense of confidence.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

As long as you look like you’re paying attention, that’s half the battle, as it’ll be your boo’s turn to start harping on his issues about you. Sure, some of his comments may have some truth to it, but nobody is perfect and at the end of the day, he’s just looking to express himself. To make amends and win the war, once done with his diatribe, blow him and all will be fine.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your biggest pet peeve is a dim wit, and as your sweetie starts to show signs of slowing down, expect your drought to begin. However, realize that it’s not that he is suddenly becoming dumb, but rather more secretive. Should you be suspicious? Perhaps. If you care, put on your investigative hat and dig for answers. At the least, it’ll be good gossip material.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Forget trying to get too deep and too intimate with that special someone too quickly. Obviously you have a mental connection, but trying to force it to go faster than necessary will only screw up the natural pace and although you are too horny for words, make playful communication your foreplay and it will trigger an explosive and eventual turn of events.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you can stay focused on feeling gorgeous and brilliant, you’ll be invincible. However, be warned they’ll be many sleazy comments thrown at you, trying to knock you down, as the haters will be out and trying to claim your pride as the prize. You better believe it, time for your absolute hottest outfits as your armor and strut it like it’s going out of style.

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