• friskyscopes

For The Week Of March 9-15, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Embrace your independence, because as of right now, that will be the only thing that will lead you back to sanity. If you spend too much time listening to your honey go on and on about whatever he thinks is right, you will eventually start questioning yourself — and darling, no need for that. You’re right, he’s wrong. Give it time, you’ll get to say, “I told you so.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If it sounds like guilt, feels like guilt, know it as guilt. Don’t feel bad for decisions you have to make for you, because this is your life and you’re entitled to feel as happy as you want to. For anyone that doesn’t see it that way, know they have no place in their life, no matter how deep your history goes with them or how good you want to view them.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is finally heading to new heights of fun, bringing back your optimist — hallelujah! Go ahead, make up fantasies and get lost in. Dream up all fantastical scenarios to go head over heels on. While they might not happen, the inspiration alone is worth ODing on because through it, other great accomplishments will come through and no matter what, will land you on your feet.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Keeping your composure will be your biggest task this week, as someone who thinks himself as an authority figure will spout off information that’s not his to share, putting you in an uncomfortable position. Sure, we all put our foot in our mouths, but if there’s no remorse, that is when you know that person as a jerk and to make necessary steps to avoid further incrimination.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let loose and have a little more fun than usual. This means putting that nagging disciplined voice of yours on mute and taking on a more devil may care attitude, as it’ll be the times you feel trouble coming on that’ll put you in the most prime place to get that little somethin’-somethin’ that’ll give you your groove back.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to sharing, you might be its poster child, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Face it, being generous can be a thankless job, especially if you are dealing with spoiled patrons that don’t seem to get that your kindness is not a right, but a privilege. Of course, being a martyr without anyone asking isn’t required either; so think twice before opening yourself up too much.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

They’ll be no holding you back when it comes to airing out your opinions. Seems somewhere along this week, you’re going to snap and let all the venom ooze out of you until you get your point of contention in its place. While this might burn a bridge, feel relief that you’ve crossed it enough times to never have to go back anyway.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Any paranoids you have in regard to health issues, deal with them now. Otherwise, your paranoia this week will be heighten to a new level of dysfunction, putting you in a ringy state of mind that won’t only make you a bitch to everyone around you and a self sabotaging maniac to yourself. Yes save yourself by dealing with obvious priorities.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good news is on the way. Chances are a friend will have something interesting for you, which is a direct win for you or can inadvertently set you onto a path that will lead you to something you’ve been wishing for. Whichever the case, this will mean having to listen closely and even in-between the lines if you must. However, once you hear what you need, it’ll be obvious.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde will be flip-flopping all over themselves, trying to get in face time with everyone you know, making you one crazy mixed bag of nuts. Of course, chances are you have an odd variety of people around you, making it easy to pick out the freaks that get off on this kind of thing. After all, why waste this level of insanity on just yourself?

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When it comes to basic communications with others, you’re going to have to take the high route — perhaps so high, that you might have to walk over them to get to a new plateau. To say the least, they’ll be several occasions where someone you thought had a chance will start talking out of their ass and if you don’t take it as a sign, you will only have yourself to blame.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will be many things that’ll irritate you beyond belief this week, but this isn’t the time to express anger back. Best to just see these misgivings for what they are and quietly mark them down as points against these wrongdoers. When the time is right and with the proper strategy, you will be able to unload, move ahead of these twits and get back to where you belong — on top.

For The Week Of March 1-7, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you and you’re feeling like you’re being lead into the wrong direction, pay attention. Your intuition will be on and if you trust it, it’ll save you from a pending disaster. Stop thinking you have to make any more excuses to get by, because there is no more time to waste.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Forget trying to get on the same page as your partner. Emotional unrest is going to be a part of the week, as the past will come back to haunt. Feel free to take that jaunt down memory lane, if you are indeed the one to get that calling, as this is the time to exorcise those demons once and for all. If it is him, just sit back and let things happen as they will, things will fall back into place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A monkey wrench is going to be thrown into your routine, causing all sorts of delays and tipping off a few bizarre psychological hang-ups and even uncovering a few you didn’t know. To say the least, it’s a week of startling revelations of discovering you aren’t as brazen as you come across and that your tender side speaks way louder to the one that matters.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Just as you go cruising along, living on the crest of this wave of happiness, down comes reality and washes it all away. Not to say what’s left behind is bad, just tougher to deal with than what you’ve acclimated yourself too. Yes, the honeymoon is over and now it’s time to start dealing with the important stuff — your ego.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

When it comes to changing anything up in your home life, don’t. Making impetuous decisions won’t be in your favor. Best to consider options and make sure when you are acting out of determination, not desperation. If you must do anything, move important tasks onto other territory, as it’s fine to do other things, like taking a vacation or a spa day.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Any last minute info you hear, ignore it. While news may shake you up, most of the time it’ll be a false alarm. Panic is just part of this phase, but with no real outcome. Think of it as the universe testing your preparations for emergencies, as thinking fast on your feet is skill you’re going to have to hone to be able to get you off of them in the near future.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Slowly, sluggishness will creep into your brain, but don’t let it kill your motivation on long-term goals. While there’ll be some second-guessing going on, approach it as reworking, rather than demolishing. As you should know you are an extreme lady, but not everything is always so black and white, so this week, consider those grays.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

With love, you can’t always know immediately if you’ve made the right choice. This week though, payback starts to come around and gives you peace of mind you haven’t had in ages. Lucky are you to see the one you once would of pledged your heart unconditionally to turn out to be such a loser — karmic satisfaction 100% guaranteed.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life happens in cycles and if you’ve been feeling as if you are on a never-ending treadmill of tedium and angst, things are finally going to switch — however, into reverse, so hold on tight. This means the universe is going to open up Pandora’s Box in some way and throw a little craziness into the mix, which can make you appreciate the finer points of boredom.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Love or another meaningless fling is your perfect escape, as aggravation with friends will be the culprit of your duress. They’ll irritate to the point of wanting to erase all your contact info and start anew. While you’ll have reason to feel this way, it doesn’t mean you’re perfect either. There is always a cause to every effect and to think your best on this matter, it’ll require a little sweat.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You may want to rethink your sense of entitlement, because what you think you deserve isn’t even the prize that is up for grabs. A dose of humility will do wonders for you over the next several weeks, as you start seeing the path you are heading on isn’t the one you thought it might be — not to say it’s bad, just different.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Despite all the efforts you’ve put into helping another live a happier and more productive life; gratitude will be a rare commodity. While you can’t teach class to everyone, you can sympathize that they’ll never be as perfect as you and then rethink the extent of what you are giving. To be where you truly want to be, it means directing things on a two-way street.

For The Week Of February 22-28, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Clicking with that special someone will make you feel as if you’re on top of the world. Having gone through many trials and too many tribulations, why be shy to express your feelings? Go ahead; indulge in all the silly things that being in love means, drawing hearts, special ring tones — because if ever there were a time to gush, it’s now.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your management skills go under the wire again, as your honey once again hits a rocky patch. While you can’t be everywhere at once, being fast on your feet and honing your organizational skills is required. Sure, detouring chaos at a moment’s notice sucks, but perhaps this when you should start paying attention to these repetitious cycles and the cause and effect.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Finally, romance comes back into your life in a big way, reminding you once again why you are the sign of sex. Although it’ll feel like a glass of water after a long walk in the desert, pace yourself; more options are set to come — and although you might have made your pick already, there will be nothing wrong or hotter than letting your decision stew.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Stop putting off that phone call you know you should of made ages ago. This is your last time to redeem yourself to a wronged lover and it’s in your best interest not to let this chance go to waste. You’ll find distance has made the heart grow fonder and in this case, it’ll be in your favor as this is the time to wipe your marred karmic slate clean.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’ve always been realistic about your finances, perhaps a little too much so. This week, loosen up the slack and see that opening up those purse strings can now buy you a few adventures and opportunities that are priceless. If you’re attached, this means a mountain retreat weekend f*ck-fest; if single, this means a beach resort weekend f*ckfest.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Not everyone is out to get you and the sooner you realize that being angry isn’t the only way to get attention or feel edgy, the closer you’ll be to a place where unsettling drama isn’t the commodity and good times are. Seriously, the only thing that’s going down on you with these theatrics is your stock.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A breath of fresh air is coming, as you’ll be seeing your way out of a sticky situation that you thinking you had no power. Seems now, there is nothing to lose when it comes down to being as bad as you want. So whip out the leather, put on your most dramatic f’ck me heels and lay down the law, because no one will be getting off quite the same anymore.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your compassion will be rearing its little head, making you act in ways that’ll surprise someone close to you. While it might not be turning over a new leaf completely, it’ll at least shake up preconceived notions he had about you. Seems he’ll be able to understand that sweet soft spot of yours a little easier and wanting to touch it just a little bit more too.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

As you know, relationships are never perfect and as much as you’d like to think you’ve behaved properly throughout your affairs, there are always two sides to every story. With a reunion seeming inevitable, do look both ways before crossing that line. However, know that when you do, come out with both arms fighting.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

With your love life seeming a bit dubious these days, best to put your energy somewhere else. So, if you’ve been dabbling with the idea of being your own boss or some sort of big career move, go for it. The stars are aligned for you, lighting a new path, one in which you won’t have to keep looking over your shoulder. Enter this new direction and magic will follow.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Relish in your freedom, because if you don’t see that you control your fate, you might find yourself guilted into actions that are sub par in the happiness and self-satisfaction category. Sure, help if someone deserves it, but to just dole it out thinking you owe it to anyone — hell no! Being a good person doesn’t mean being obedient.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week, a situation will appear that’ll put your intelligence, savvy and charisma to the test. How you handle this situation will prove to be a major factor in your future. Don’t feel ashamed to ask questions or move slowly. In fact, the more deliberate your pace, the more exciting the build up and in this case, a little mystery will go a long way.

For The Week Of February 16-22, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

This is your time to love and be loved. So, whatever issues has your head in a tizzy, let it go. Let bygones be bygones and realize that in the whole scheme of things, there is major love between you and your boo and you both are on the same page with all that truly matters. No, not all will be easy sailing, but for now, enjoy that someone does has your back.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Details matter. So don’t let your logic be glossed over by a pretty picture and ignore the substance that is lurking or lacking underneath. You aren’t and never have to be as desperate to think you can’t have it all. However, if you keep trying to lie to yourself and deny what you truly want, then inevitably, you’ll be fulfilling your own worst self-fulfilling prophecy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Make a wish now. Chances of something beautiful happening is in your stars, but you’re going to have to know what you want to recognize it. Seems in the past, you’ve made demands and as soon as you get it, you drop it. This time around, the universe is pleading with you to think in the long-term and really be ready to take that next major progressive step.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Although you like fluttering about on the wings of whatever wind is blowing your way, you’re going to have to set your roots down for a little while and source out the scene. Seems your honey is feeling rather neglected and it’s now your time to shower him with some love. If you don’t have one, then take this as your cue to get feng shui on yourself and rethink your home base.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Expressing your feelings in new ways is your best bet to improve your current status. If you’re single, this is your time consider trying speed dating or online options. If you’re hooked up, time to get down to business with your baby to discuss the future and make some solid plans — with deadlines; whichever the situation, think of this week as the first week of the rest of your life.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Be happy with the material things in your life, as they are the mark of your successes. Let them be a reminder to what you’ve accomplished in your life solo. Then, if need be, be ready to compare to the prospects coming to your life this week—will they be the type to add to your kingdom or leeches that’ll only ruin paradise? Be smart; see the obvious for what it is.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The post-traumatic stress of V-day will be wearing thin and you’ll be able to gather yourself to a more productive state of mind. You now know what to do and how to do it. Although the demons in your head keep trying to hold you back, think of it as the last hoop to jump through until you hit the promise land. Success is just steps away.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your intuition will hit a whole new level of accuracy, that’ll make you think you should open your own psychic hotline. However, don’t disregard the weird information that comes in, just because it doesn’t add up. Sometimes it takes time to see the entire picture. So, no you aren’t going crazy, but yes, you’re going to have to be a little patient to piece it all together succinctly.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

If you’ve been considering having a gang bang, this is your luckiest time to jump in. Yes, if you want your love life to get a boost of excitement, you’re going to have to get more people involved. However, even something as small as asking friends to set you up on blind dates will do too. It’s realizing you aren’t alone, as sometimes it does take a village or at least, doing one.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

As your star rises, your honey’s might be at a stand still and that will mean passive aggressive spats of jealousy coming over the horizon to make you see a whole new side to him that will be a big turn off. Of course, nobody is perfect, but damn it, don’t you deserve something closer to it? Yes, and for that, be on guard to see how Mr. Once Perfect behaves over the next few weeks.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop thinking worst-case scenarios. If you keep going on that path, it’ll only mean self-sabotaging behavior and thinking you don’t deserve any better — and who has time for that? Be willing to put your suspension of disbelief to work and realize the world is a beautiful place that wants to give you everything you want, with no strings attached.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Forget the proper protocol when it comes to anything regarding sex, because when it comes down to it, the kind you’re going to want this week will be the kind that is worth putting all shame aside for. Yes, the passion, naughtiness and chemistry with whoever is on your radar is going to hit a new level of destiny and although it might not be forever, the memory alone is worth it.

For The Week Of February 9-15, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

We all need to fall off the wagon sometimes, because no one is perfect and because it feels good. Yes, this week will bring the downfall of something that will irritate, but it won’t kill you. So, move it along fast with going all out decadent this week to clean it out of your system. After enough purging, you’ll have earned your stripes to get back on the pony.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Friendships can emerge in funny places, as you’ll see what sprouts out from underneath you this week, giving you reason to pause and wonder where you are. Sure, this might be confusing to you, but whatever the case, know the outcome is pleasant and you should take this as your lesson that the world hasn’t completely gone to hell yet.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

There’s a fine line in balancing your private life and your career, and as the responsibilities get more intense, it’ll make life more hectic than it’s been in a while. The demands will come in from everywhere, with an ability to blindside you into total bitchdom. Whatever. Take this as a hint of where your true priorities lie and proceed accordingly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Not all that you see is what is happening. This week, a major spiritual turn of events is on the agenda and could have you rethinking your plans in life. Thankfully, the switch up will be for the better and bring in that much needed inspiration that’ll give you a push towards a better life, one in which you finally feel as if your connecting to something or someone of a higher level.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

It’s hard to tell what happens in that scheming little mind of yours and this week, it’ll be the most intense. However, if you want to seize the power and get extra insight on that certain someone you’ve been dangling close to your heart, then make that move to turn up the heat. Intimacy in on the menu and it’ll be up to you to place that order.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your relationship woes will be getting intense as the negotiations continue and have you fuming out your ears. However, this is all necessary to start shaping the life and love you want, all be it with or without the current state of affairs. Realize at the end of the day, the only thing you should know is compromising your own happiness is not an option.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you always have to give into their needs, as if they are more important than you. Sure, be nice and offer help when asked, but don’t give yourself over like you are some slave, because when it comes down to it, you’re only asking to be traveling on a one way street with behaviors like that.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Just when you think you found someone that rocks your world, you discover another side to him that has you feeling as if you might have had a temporary loss of judgment and needing to find the exit door fast. Whatever. Screw the guilt and run while you still have a chance of being written off as nuts. After all, you have the rep of fleeting love affair master to uphold.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Screw bureaucracy and any sort of rules that hold you back. You know you don’t have to follow the pack and the only reason you do is because you’re lazy. You owe it to yourself and humanity to share your precious ideas, so shake up your foundations and lay your ideals on harder surfaces. Time to live out louder.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You might have a bigger mouth than most, but being louder doesn’t automatically make you right. This time around, be a sweetie and ask before sharing too many of your opinions, as some things are just better left unsaid. Yes, your best bet to turn it out with that special someone is to assume the role of supporting cast, rather than the star.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

A breakthrough with money issues with your baby is coming and it’ll put you both on a whole new playing field, as you will be able to open up to a new level of trust you didn’t think could happen. Seems there is more to your relationship that just sex and codependence, as you’ll find your logic works just as succinctly.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

An offer is coming that’ll be hard to resist, but unfortunately it’ll mean sacrificing something else in your life that you cherish. As this decision puts you firmly on the fence, don’t be hasty in making decisions, as making the wrong choice will breed much bitterness. While there isn’t an easy solution, there is one that can work if you give it time to emerge.

For The Week Of February 2-8, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You can’t be everything to everybody and even if you could, would you really want to? No. People are ungrateful and you’d be wasting your time. For now, this is the slogan and this is the reason why you need to put those efforts back into yourself. Work up a sweat at the gym, as it’ll be the best and only place you’ll see results

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If you want to get what you want, you’re going to have to get pushy—but not in the obvious way. This means moving ahead of your competition or who ever is bugging the hell out of you, to put them in their place. Yes, this week will launch a bit of a soap opera theme to your life, but whatever, at least you’ll know you’re the star.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Sunlight deficiency is a bitch, especially when it comes to a nocturnal creature like you. Although you’ll be feeling less motivated to get out and about, this will be your time to make a concerted effort to start switching up your routines and trying out new habits, as being a vegetable right now is the biggest curse you can place on yourself.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your mind will be racing along at twice the speed and this will mean coming up with many hair-brained schemes. Whatever bizarre ideas you dream of, explore it. You’ll be way ahead of yourself and with this energy; it’ll put you in prime position to magnetize a few odd, but worthy, options.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Time to bust out the new man on your friends. Enough of trying to sort out the picture alone — what fun is that? You need a few trusted opinions to seal the deal. Chances are if you take the plunge now, things will fall into place easier — as in scheduling one big meet and greet, rather than sporadic one-on-ones that’ll only breed a chain of preconceived notions.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to all matters of power and love, this is when you’re going to be able to take the reins and call the shots as you see them. However, be clear about stating your case, as in not wasting time barking up the wrong tree because once you start setting the demands, it won’t take too long to see who is with you or who isn’t.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When you love, there is no holding you back. You give all of yourself and want to get the same indulged feeling back. This week, go all out on taking it in, because the love will be there for you. In fact, the more you get lost in it, the higher your creativity will soar and the more you will feel in your element. The catch, this source might need to stay secret for now.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

If you want anything done this week, you’re going to have to get into the trenches and work it yourself. Sure, friends are there to help, kind of, but they’ll be more focused on their own agenda than being able to do exactly as you say — so don’t rely too much on their advice or favors. This week, seize and conquer on your own.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your patience runs thin and there’ll be no more making excuses for having your kindness exploited. Time to stop it dead in its tracks, come to grips that you are not at your best and rectify the situation. This will mean some big changes, but really, making a decision is the hardest step to make. From there, hire movers to do the rest.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A feeling of wanderlust is going to hit and removing yourself from your current environment in any way will do wonders for raising your chances at a spiritual catharsis that can set your world straight. If no such opportunity arises, then it’ll be up to you to make it happen. If this means finding yourself a foreign sex partner for the week, that’ll also do.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Take a deep breath and take one day at a time. Seems you will be your own worst enemy this week, as your ability to create paranoias and think up insane scenarios will be at peak levels. The odd thing about it though, it will give you a lot more energy to run from your demons, which can turn out just right if you happen to be darting off in the right direction.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Watch out for a tumultuous turn in your love affairs, as your honey will be feeling way more agitated and you’ll seem to rub each other in all the wrong ways. However, a little tension won’t kill anything, but if you take the high route and use it for good, it can be just the way to reignite the sparks back into the boudoir to put you back in sync, at least sexually speaking.

For The Week Of January 26-February 1, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Time to take a giant step back from your life and look at the whole picture, rather than muddle your mind into the details and ignore the priorities that should matter. Something is amiss and you know it. This is your time to break in better habits, draw new boundaries and see that immediate improvements are possible if you just say it’s so.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The kinkiness coming into your love life is going to make you so hot, it’ll feel as if your having a religious experience. Whatever the challenge, don’t say no—no matter how initially intimidated you are. To say the least, there are some banging good times for you this week and as long as you keep an open mind, fate won’t fail you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

This is your time for a new beginning, literally or metaphorically. If you have no plans to move or make a drastic change in your foundations, think about it. The past has had its day with you and the quicker you turn the page and move ahead, the faster it’ll be that destiny plays back and starts giving you more of what you wish.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It’s not that your honey doesn’t want to give you what you want, it’s that he doesn’t know what you want. Seeing that you’re flying about your own universe at a thousand miles a minute, it can be difficult for the average guy to decipher what’s going on. This week, do plan to sit still and do plan to get in some quality bonding time, it’ll do wonders for making your sweetie smarter.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Striving for security in the normal route you usually go is no longer going to work, as its time for you to step it up and be a little more daring, a little more risqué and a little more devilish in your dealings with others, as just relying on being responsive isn’t going to get you much farther or any happier and if definitely won’t resuscitate your sex life.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If your love life has been slumping, making you’re feeling as if you should just crawl under a rock, this is going to be one of those weeks you’ll love, as something magical is set to happen, stirring up the pot to bring new life to your libido. To get yourself in order, pimp, preen and pamper yourself into perfection, as you will need to be ready for your moment in the spotlight.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re going to have to put your selfishness aside, as this is the time your boo is going to be extra needy and you’ll have to play the nursemaid. On some level it’ll frustrate you, but on another it’ll turn you on, as you’ll see a more vulnerable side that you never knew existed. So, yes, while the week starts out aggravatingly, it’ll end up quite nicely with much more power in your hands.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

It’s all about who you know, and if you call around to those contacts, you’ll find the right piece to the puzzle that’ll get you closer to the ideal place in life that you dream of. This could mean meeting someone special, having a boost in your social status or career. Wherever the connection happens, trust your life is about to get way hotter.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your reputation is going to be under fire, as secrets of yours get leaked out — but fear not, because karma will have your back and support will be coming from surprising places, turning the situation around to put you on top. Seems dirty scandalous stories will have a way of boosting your rep into delicious infamy.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

All the crap you’ve suffered through and the disturbing love affairs you’ve hid in shame will all come converging into a explosive epiphany this week. However, the way you incite this eruption could happen rather bizarrely, but whatever the case, all the pain and sorrow you’ve endured will make sense and this week will make you feel as if where you are is exactly where you should be.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You’ll be feeling extra horny this week, but don’t be a freak about it. If you want it, you can have it — but you’re going to have to put away your shyness routine and pull out those lethal doses of charm to make your point. You know it, don’t sit around waiting for miracles to happen, take the power into your own hands and then into the sweetest parts of you.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A major break through in your relationship or the way you have relationships is going to happen and it’ll put your mind in a tizzy, as you’ll see things are no longer the way they use to be and it’ll mean stepping up your game, as the level of skill you are playing against or wanting to play against is higher and no longer are those silly little tricks going to win your any favors.

For The Week Of January 19-25

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Although you’ll hear all sorts of grand ideas and feelings you’ll want to believe in, there’ll be a little voice telling you to hold back. Something about the picture won’t add up, but you won’t be able to put your finger on it. Sure, this might just be paranoia, but whatever the case, best to be safe than sorry. If he means it, let time prove it.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Hoorah for love and all the wonders it has brought into your life. While your family might not have the same opinions as you about your honey, they’re just going to have to suck it up. You’ve never been one to have to share your philosophies with them, but this time around, due to all their menacing, you’re going to have to put your foot down and tell them to shut up.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your ability to talk convincing smack is one of your more admirable qualities. However, this week, it could haunt you. Beware of what you say, who you say it to and where you say it. The spies are out and you never know who is going to be where at what time. Yes, to say the least, it that time of the year when those astrological aspects are out to get you if you don’t play it smart.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If a short trip is in your near future, then consider yourself on the right path to happiness. If you don’t have one, then start getting the ball in motion or hop on a plane for a spontaneous getaway. Being a stranger in a strange land will bring out your sexiest and most charismatic side that’ll have you so on, the locals will never be the same.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You might think you’re capable of making major decisions now, but don’t. Feeling strongly about anything now might feel like a revelation, but the problem is that you don’t have all your information yet. Time will pass and reveal all that you need to know. Until then, enjoy a hedonistic approach by avoiding having to choose anything, but momentary pleasure.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Prepare your monologues early this week, because who you want is yours, if you express yourself straight up with no twist by the 22nd. Until then, do your homework, as in streamlining your point succinctly and authoritatively. Do it right and you’ll immediately find your life turn into a hazy dazy bouquet of sexy bliss in one form or another.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your creativity will get intense and inspirations enveloping. With such strong emotions flowing around in your ether, this could lead you down a slippery slope of sentimentality that tempts you to contact someone you think will care to hear about your sensational ideas and plans. However, best to write it in a letter, then burn. If they really were worth it, they wouldn’t be in the past.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Although you love your friends and rely on their opinions, advice and support, this isn’t the time to open your mouth about just anything to them. Not to say they are out to ruin you, but more than a few won’t be able to hold a secret and where they leak it to can get messy. To avoid the disaster, best to put in those extra hours at work and keep yourself busy with ambition.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

The haters will be out, but as long as you can keep your lady like decorum about you, you will be the one that comes out smelling like a rose while those bitches go down. After all, no one looks sexy being an evil, “See you next Tuesday” liar that’s getting no play and your dismissiveness of them will only emphasize that point.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Not that you are one for all that hokey pokey new agey stuff, but this week, you’ll be having one of those spiritual revelations that’ll make you think of your life in a whole other realm. A personal shift is going to occur and this will send you in a whole new direction, one where power, sex and wisdom will be coming at you in droves.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you can’t beat them, join them. When it comes to arguments with your boo and trying to sort out a compromise, your energy won’t have the stamina to go anymore rounds and you’ll start to see that giving in might not the be the worst. Feel free to test the waters on his way of doing things, besides, the out clause is always in effect.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love will be in the air, as you and your current state of affairs seem to start straightening up and heading into a direction that seems agreeable and exciting for all. However, don’t get too far ahead of yourself and start mapping out the details, as that’ll cause turbulence. For now, for maximum pleasure, enjoy being in the moment.

For The Week Of January 12-18, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Trust there isn’t anything you can say to your honey that he doesn’t know himself. Although you would like to emphasis certain flaws in his character a little more intensely, so he really gets it, hold back the fire. Be willing to be the bigger person and be his supporting cast. Time to do those little tasks that’ll help him along instead, AKA the silent partner.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Cocky behavior might be the thing that sparks your interest with a certain someone, but when that act goes on longer than necessary with no intermission, it’ll have you running for an exit. Forget trying to curb this wild one under your control, as it won’t be worth it. To say he’s an unaware narcissist would be an understatement.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your psychic powers will be on red alert and there won’t be anything you don’t know. Don’t fight the urge to test out your powers by asking questions and seeing what your mind conjures up. However, know you’re playing with fire, as all that you will learn might not be as sunny as you’d hope.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t bother trying to make any decisions. In fact, if you want to keep yourself happy, do the opposite of whatever you plan to do. Seems the grass will be greener on the other side this week and the more you can take a trip on over there, the more satisfying the results. Seems this week waking up on the wrong side of town will have its rewards.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A stubborn someone will be ruining your bliss, making you feel like your stuck in a barrel of glue. Yes, it’ll make you feel less than sexy and wonder why this certain someone can’t get it together to see clearly. Take this as a sign of worse days to come and use it as an opportunity to understand not all is so pretty beyond the surface.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Watch what you say as tempers will flair easily this week, causing whatever you’ve been building in your love life to crumble. To avoid wrecking a good thing, play the mysterious card to concentrate on smoothing out dilemmas in other areas of your life. Not only will this save you from hassles in general, it’ll keep getting you laid.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re the sign of the imagination, so instead of letting nostalgia get the better of you, pick up those paintbrushes, guitar or put on those dancing shoes and work it. There are many more things to do in life than wallow and despite the heavy feeling that will be swarming into your mind, know you also have the power to fight it. You have the choice, be a victim or a volunteer.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Birds of a feather flock together, so don’t be too surprised when a friend starts spouting off her mouth in the most unapologetic way about you and your honey. Sure, you can chalk it off as jealousy or you can use it as a springboard for some self-awareness. Not to say you have to air out your dirty laundry, as some quite time in your journal can be just the trick to work it out.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Nothing you’ve been striving for is going to happen this week, as it all goes into standstill mode with the mercury in retrograde action that begins on the 12th. Yes, the world just won’t hand over rewards easily and in fact it might even snatch a few away. With this little info in your hands, feel free to take those personal days from work and go full out into slug mode.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your emotions will be on fire, blowing everything you hear and feel out of proportion. Of course, this will give you the fire to lay on some of the most intense and drama-laden monologues you’ve given in a long while, so to make the most of it. Put on your most outrageous looks, get under a spotlight and let it out. Your bravado alone will win you applause.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you find yourself hooking up with someone from your past that was once no good, chances are there might be a small rip in the universe that somehow makes it work now. Not to say it’s forever, but for right now, the lust will be able to hold you steady and give you some of the best confidence boosting sex you’ve had in ages.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sudden changes in your relationship are going to have you scrambling for your sanity. Not only are agreements going to hit the rocks, but your overall morale with your current state of affairs will go down the tubes too. Seem those cracks you saw ages ago have started to work their damage, as for patching them up? Instead, it might be time for a complete renovation.

For The Week Of January 5-11, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Friendship dramas will make you shut yourself off from the world, but don’t lock the door on everyone. There’ll be one person that’ll make being behind closed doors worth your while, as that nesting mode sensation will kick in for both parties, giving you a glimmer into what tomorrow could bring.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Finally, some passionate romance comes back into your life and makes you feel like a girl again. Having to play the nursemaid, best friend, drinking buddy and all those other sexless roles have brought you to the breaking point, but payback time arrives just in time. Now, time to savor the luxuries of work well done.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Think glamorously and realize the world is your oyster. When it comes to your imagination, dreams and future lays, practice locally, but break out the magic globally. Yes, give yourself something to look forward to and sign yourself up for a foreign adventure. You’ll find that changing up your scene will be just the thing to jog your libido and confidence back into form.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Surprises are in store when intense talks break out with you and your baby. Intimacy will be shooting up a few more flights and taking you on a whirlwind tour of his psyche closer than ever imagined. While the breakthrough in communication will be just what it takes to bring you both onto the same page, it’ll also be what the missing piece that’ll make your sex life explosive.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money luck is coming and it’ll help you and your baby allay some of your woes. As sudden opportunities appear, it’ll mark a new phase for your relationship. Of course, nothing comes too easily, as they’ll definitely be friction in how you both want to handle the situation. Thankfully, the tension will be just the aphrodisiac to make sex just a little bit more exciting.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

On January 6th, Jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system and the planet of luck will enter into Aquarius for an entire year. This is something that only happens ever 12 years — equaling a turbo boost of karmic power and privilege and it’s all for you. This means getting your act together, aiming your targets for what you want in life and taking the helm as HBIC.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ll be so over the same dumb, but cute, freaks that turning into a hermit will seem seriously appealing. While that’s a bit too extreme, taking a little time out isn’t. Consider this the perfect lead into your most positive soul searching mission, as sorting out the information you have to put the pieces together and form your bigger picture will be clearest now.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your friends are on your side. If they have any suggestion on whom to hook you up with, go for it. Even if it’s obviously not true love forever, it’ll put you in the right mindset to draw in more. If anything, think of them as practice balls, and with enough, you’ll eventually get the hang of when to call it a game faster or recognize a good match.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to heated discussions between you and your boo, you’re going to have to take the high route. Accept that a standstill may be the best outcome, let bygones be bygones and move on. While silent grudges will take time to wear off, at the least, appreciate you have a man with some backbone. Otherwise, love with a balless twit would bore you to tears.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Shooting off your mouth has brought you tons of trouble in the past. However, this week starts a new day for you. Yes, finally, the universe will be on your side, as the more absurd and uncensored your talk; the more it’ll be music to some cute little quirky turkey’s ears. Yes, loud trash talking is your call of the wild, use it wisely.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Nobody is going to mess with you this week, as you’ll be in your cool and confident mode. Get ready to take on a big decision about your relationship and steer your life to be where you want, with or without your current partner. This is your take-no-prisoner moment. Be willing to be open to his ideas, but not in lieu of your agenda.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Something inside you will snap and you’ll see that you’re being way too compassionate in your relationship, causing you to a sudden bout of tough love and a touch of cruelty. Call it passive aggressive payback or strategy, either or, it’ll work and you’ll find that what you’ll get is sweet victory.

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