Friskyscopes | Page 24

For The Week Of January 12-18, 2009

Kiki TJanuary 12, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Trust there isn’t anything you can say to your honey that he doesn’t know himself. Although you would like to emphasis certain flaws in his character a little more intensely, so he really gets it, hold back the fire. Be willing to be the bigger person and be his supporting cast. Time to do those little tasks that’ll help him along instead, AKA the silent partner.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Cocky behavior might be the thing that sparks your interest with a certain someone, but when that act goes on longer than necessary with no intermission, it’ll have you running for an exit. Forget trying to curb this wild one under your control, as it won’t be worth it. To say he’s an unaware narcissist would be an understatement.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your psychic powers will be on red alert and there won’t be anything you don’t know. Don’t fight the urge to test out your powers by asking questions and seeing what your mind conjures up. However, know you’re playing with fire, as all that you will learn might not be as sunny as you’d hope.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t bother trying to make any decisions. In fact, if you want to keep yourself happy, do the opposite of whatever you plan to do. Seems the grass will be greener on the other side this week and the more you can take a trip on over there, the more satisfying the results. Seems this week waking up on the wrong side of town will have its rewards.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A stubborn someone will be ruining your bliss, making you feel like your stuck in a barrel of glue. Yes, it’ll make you feel less than sexy and wonder why this certain someone can’t get it together to see clearly. Take this as a sign of worse days to come and use it as an opportunity to understand not all is so pretty beyond the surface.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Watch what you say as tempers will flair easily this week, causing whatever you’ve been building in your love life to crumble. To avoid wrecking a good thing, play the mysterious card to concentrate on smoothing out dilemmas in other areas of your life. Not only will this save you from hassles in general, it’ll keep getting you laid.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re the sign of the imagination, so instead of letting nostalgia get the better of you, pick up those paintbrushes, guitar or put on those dancing shoes and work it. There are many more things to do in life than wallow and despite the heavy feeling that will be swarming into your mind, know you also have the power to fight it. You have the choice, be a victim or a volunteer.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Birds of a feather flock together, so don’t be too surprised when a friend starts spouting off her mouth in the most unapologetic way about you and your honey. Sure, you can chalk it off as jealousy or you can use it as a springboard for some self-awareness. Not to say you have to air out your dirty laundry, as some quite time in your journal can be just the trick to work it out.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Nothing you’ve been striving for is going to happen this week, as it all goes into standstill mode with the mercury in retrograde action that begins on the 12th. Yes, the world just won’t hand over rewards easily and in fact it might even snatch a few away. With this little info in your hands, feel free to take those personal days from work and go full out into slug mode.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your emotions will be on fire, blowing everything you hear and feel out of proportion. Of course, this will give you the fire to lay on some of the most intense and drama-laden monologues you’ve given in a long while, so to make the most of it. Put on your most outrageous looks, get under a spotlight and let it out. Your bravado alone will win you applause.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you find yourself hooking up with someone from your past that was once no good, chances are there might be a small rip in the universe that somehow makes it work now. Not to say it’s forever, but for right now, the lust will be able to hold you steady and give you some of the best confidence boosting sex you’ve had in ages.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sudden changes in your relationship are going to have you scrambling for your sanity. Not only are agreements going to hit the rocks, but your overall morale with your current state of affairs will go down the tubes too. Seem those cracks you saw ages ago have started to work their damage, as for patching them up? Instead, it might be time for a complete renovation.

For The Week Of January 5-11, 2009

Kiki TJanuary 5, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Friendship dramas will make you shut yourself off from the world, but don’t lock the door on everyone. There’ll be one person that’ll make being behind closed doors worth your while, as that nesting mode sensation will kick in for both parties, giving you a glimmer into what tomorrow could bring.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Finally, some passionate romance comes back into your life and makes you feel like a girl again. Having to play the nursemaid, best friend, drinking buddy and all those other sexless roles have brought you to the breaking point, but payback time arrives just in time. Now, time to savor the luxuries of work well done.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Think glamorously and realize the world is your oyster. When it comes to your imagination, dreams and future lays, practice locally, but break out the magic globally. Yes, give yourself something to look forward to and sign yourself up for a foreign adventure. You’ll find that changing up your scene will be just the thing to jog your libido and confidence back into form.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Surprises are in store when intense talks break out with you and your baby. Intimacy will be shooting up a few more flights and taking you on a whirlwind tour of his psyche closer than ever imagined. While the breakthrough in communication will be just what it takes to bring you both onto the same page, it’ll also be what the missing piece that’ll make your sex life explosive.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money luck is coming and it’ll help you and your baby allay some of your woes. As sudden opportunities appear, it’ll mark a new phase for your relationship. Of course, nothing comes too easily, as they’ll definitely be friction in how you both want to handle the situation. Thankfully, the tension will be just the aphrodisiac to make sex just a little bit more exciting.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

On January 6th, Jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system and the planet of luck will enter into Aquarius for an entire year. This is something that only happens ever 12 years — equaling a turbo boost of karmic power and privilege and it’s all for you. This means getting your act together, aiming your targets for what you want in life and taking the helm as HBIC.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ll be so over the same dumb, but cute, freaks that turning into a hermit will seem seriously appealing. While that’s a bit too extreme, taking a little time out isn’t. Consider this the perfect lead into your most positive soul searching mission, as sorting out the information you have to put the pieces together and form your bigger picture will be clearest now.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your friends are on your side. If they have any suggestion on whom to hook you up with, go for it. Even if it’s obviously not true love forever, it’ll put you in the right mindset to draw in more. If anything, think of them as practice balls, and with enough, you’ll eventually get the hang of when to call it a game faster or recognize a good match.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to heated discussions between you and your boo, you’re going to have to take the high route. Accept that a standstill may be the best outcome, let bygones be bygones and move on. While silent grudges will take time to wear off, at the least, appreciate you have a man with some backbone. Otherwise, love with a balless twit would bore you to tears.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Shooting off your mouth has brought you tons of trouble in the past. However, this week starts a new day for you. Yes, finally, the universe will be on your side, as the more absurd and uncensored your talk; the more it’ll be music to some cute little quirky turkey’s ears. Yes, loud trash talking is your call of the wild, use it wisely.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Nobody is going to mess with you this week, as you’ll be in your cool and confident mode. Get ready to take on a big decision about your relationship and steer your life to be where you want, with or without your current partner. This is your take-no-prisoner moment. Be willing to be open to his ideas, but not in lieu of your agenda.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Something inside you will snap and you’ll see that you’re being way too compassionate in your relationship, causing you to a sudden bout of tough love and a touch of cruelty. Call it passive aggressive payback or strategy, either or, it’ll work and you’ll find that what you’ll get is sweet victory.

For The Week Of December 29, 2008-January 4, 2009

Kiki TDecember 29, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Let loose and have your baby show what he’s got, as in taking the reins and being in control. Although he’ll take a different approach than you, making you initially wonder about his abilities, have faith. In store is a surprise that’ll have you feeling as if you’re the smartest, hottest and most romantic couple in the world.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You have such a pleasant way about you that even when you bite off more than you can chew, others somehow find forgiveness in their heart to not even express an iota of irritation towards you. This week, when you do it again, know you’re playing the devil. Do try to say, “No,” when you can and save yourself from dealing with hell.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Being “accidentally” outted on one of your secrets by someone close to you will make you want to kill. However, going the violent route isn’t going to win you as much bliss as much as staying civil and using guilt as your weapon to slowly gut the offender and anyone else involved. After all, accidents can happen on two-way streets.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There’s no reason to have to get specific about anything in regard to matters of love, sex and relationships. You are under no obligation to have to lay down any detailed commitment, as being vague will do. After all, painting a bigger picture will do far more for inspiring another than trying to haphazardly fill in the dots.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

With the new year here, time to see if your boo is really going to put his money were is mouth is, as all those promises he made have reached payback day. If he isn’t making the moves to ensure his words, time you start enforcing your deadlines. However, don’t be cruel, be tantalizing, as it’s the tease that’ll get your ultimatums met.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your latest will inspire all sorts of sexy ideas to crawl to across your mind, making you one hot bed of smut. Thankfully, you’ll also be totally impatient and want what you want, when you want it — which is a fun change of events from your usual methodical methods. This time, the ride you’ll be giving will be so legendary; they’ll want to name a coaster after you at Six Flags.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your tastes are impeccable, at least superficially speaking. However, this week, cue into something deeper. With choices that pop up now, there’ll be more than meets the eye and while the obvious will hypnotize, fight it. Realize the more intriguing and hotter match is beneath a more unique package.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Just when you think you’re onto the right path and that life will unfold in a manner you can comprehend and accept, in comes fate to test you. Yes, in blows a blast from the past that’ll make you curious. However, the story always ends the same — badly. To get a full recap, confer to your friends and have them intervene. They’ve seen it all and don’t want to see it again.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Remember, you‘re the sign of patience, so don’t rush it with a new prospect. Clear your mind of what you think you should be showing off about yourself and relax. Let him do the show-and-tell. You’re in prime position to sit back and enjoy the show, as pushing it to go faster and not taking time to develop a friendship first will result in awkward sex.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ll hear many promises made by your boo and all of which will sound too fantastical to even consider. However, surprises will come from strange circumstances, so strap on your suspension of disbelief and go with it. It’ll be the sexiest thing to put on this week, even if only for 15 minutes.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your eyes will be bigger than your vagina, as hotness overload happens and they’ll be too many scrumptious bodies floating near your life, making you want to eat them all up. Luckily, your negotiating skills will be sharp and you’ll have a nice way you can finagle keys numbers into your pocket. However, what happens from there might be more talk than action.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be getting some headway when it comes to discussing logistical issues with your baby and dealing with those day-to-day tasks that cause petty arguments and somehow build up resentments. This is your week for the breakthroughs and getting it all back to mushy-mushy land, where everything he does will feel golden once again.

Coming This Week: Kiki T’s 2009 Astrological Guide!

Amelia McDonell-ParryDecember 28, 2008 //

Oh yeah, baby, Kiki T has outdone herself. This week, she’ll be breaking down the year ahead for every sign in the zodiac, cluing you in to what’s coming up in terms of love, madness, and obsession. AND she’s even giving you the best dates for love, luck, charisma, and, of course, sex, in 2009. I have already cheated and skimmed mine and let me tell you — given what I already know about my year ahead, Kiki is as accurate (and funny and witty) as ever. So keep checking back this week and tell all your friends! Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 22-28, 2008

Kiki TDecember 22, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As long as you’re in party mode, nothing will go wrong. This is your time to let loose and free yourself. If this means getting wasted and fessing up to your crush or spilling the beans to your baby on your nasty fantasies, go for it. The outcome will be better than expected. Taking chances will bring you just rewards, so play the game and win those prizes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With the new moon and sun happening in your family sector, this will give you the best luck when it comes to dealing with the crazy relatives. If this includes bringing your baby home to meet the parents or vice versa, it’ll go swimmingly as the whole idea of being one cozy little clan will happen better than you possibly could imagine.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If your holidays entail a short trip, then color yourself happy as good times will come your way in the form of new and interesting types crossing your path, offering lots of worthwhile conversation and charming flirtations. While they might be more of the fleeting variety, they’ll be enough to be a nice warm Yule log roasting in your open fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t underestimate the power of wealth. If your sweetie isn’t spending the cash literally or metaphorically on you this holiday, take it as a bad sign. Sure, there is a recession going on, but if your present underwhelms, it’s a direct translation of his feelings. After all, thought, care and sentimentality are free and priceless.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

This is your time to hop on top of any pressing matters that have been stressing you out and ride that sucker into your control. This will give you the biggest feeling of satisfaction you’ve had in a long time, as enthusiasm to be in the moment will return and that feeling of joie de vivre sparkles in your once again. Reward yourself with new f*** me shoes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Holiday madness will force you to want to retreat and go into soul-searching mode by the end of the week. Seems the barbaric ways of the people around you will be inducing you into a subtle coma that’ll have you needing private time to recoup for the second round of cheer. Avoid the guilt, as you’ve put in your penance. Yes, you’ve earned your freedom of hermitdom.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s going to be all about the love you give others, which might wind up being a little thankless early on, but chances are a surprise is coming for you that’ll prove that all your nurturing and nagging has paid off as someone close to you will be giving you something you’ve always wished and dreamt of.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your fame is on the rise, but don’t let it go to your head. Not to say you don’t deserve all the accolades for a job well done, but not if this means taking on a snotty attitude because that won’t fly well with your honey who will be more than willing to take the role of authority and spank you back into your place. Of course, with such a firm hand, it’ll be a punishment that’ll please.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Expect one of those legendary holidays that deepen you and your boo’s bond, elevating your relationship to a more spiritual level that’ll have you feeling like you’ve been slipped a ruffie. Cast your apprehension aside, as all the doubts and questions you have in your mind will magically get their answers as the rest of the year unravels.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Lucky devil, your house of sex is lighting up big time. It seems a new man is about to come into your life to shake your feathers in a way you’ve never quite had before, bringing out a more intimate side to you that has you feeling more intense. You know it, this mystery man will be a chock full of surprises, ones that can even make you blush.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your relationship’s commitment factor will be your major focus, as big decisions are coming down to the wire. Yes, this is going to be one of those make or break moments that’ll have you feeling the pressure. Luckily, the chances are it’ll be sweet and perfect, so make sure you have the full on hair and make-up happening because these moments will be Kodak moments.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All your vices will be wearing thin, making you feel exacerbated by the old ways and ready for a change. Call it your own X-mas Carol moment, but something will jog your mind, throwing you into a future tense mode and forcing change. Yes, sudden break-ups and breakdowns are expected, but at the end, you’ll be victorious.

For The Week Of December 15-21, 2008

Kiki TDecember 15, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re under no obligation to do anything you don’t want to. After all, why fight the selfish, lazy, and irritable mood that’s how you honestly feel? Bah humbug all the way, but you’re not the only one feeling the slump. When it comes to connecting over misery, you’ll find complaining is an effective and joyous method of foreplay.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Bitching will get you heard, and the louder the better. No more sitting on the sidelines, trying to play perfect in your partnership, as that isn’t going to make you happy at the end of the day. This isn’t to say your honey isn’t out to please, but when you don’t say a thing, how will he ever know what to do? He may be cute, but smart? Not always.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll finally hear words you want to hear, but where that’ll lead won’t be what you’d assume. It seems a new can of worms will open, leading you down another dramatic path that has more questions than answers. At least the power to decide your fate is back in your hands, and that’s as good as you can ask for at this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The bottom line on your current prospect is if you’re not feeling the love by this week, call it quits, as you’ll never get to that level of intimacy you crave. Yes, your optimist is getting the better of you, and to think your latest deeper than he is would only be wasting your imagination. Better to spend your time in bed catching up on sleep.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If your baby can’t get with your current program, then it’s time to listen to those voices in your head and reconsider past compromises you’ve made as a favor to him. Time to see the bigger picture and realize you’ve been getting the shorter end of the stick. Llike any red-blooded lady, if you’re going to be stuck with any side of the a stick, you need it big. Don’t settle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to friends, it makes life a lot easier when they’re enablers. This week, when life brings a new batch of weirdos to court you, feel free to call in the peanut gallery to get their assessments. Chances are they’ll find just the right way to paint a fun and enticing picture. After all, if your love life can’t be rewarding, it should at least be entertaining.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

New loves are not your old ones. Sure, the past matters in building your future, but when you short-circuit and hold someone new accountable for past sins of a prior relationship, that’s called head-tripping. Resolve your issues before getting in too deep with another. The emotional luggage you’re carrying is a cross too heavy to bear for you and any other trying to get near.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your idealism will be percolating with all sorts of grand visions of your holidays, which can be a source of great inspiration or damnation, depending on the expectations you place on those around you. However, chances improve if you use your expansive imagination, as it seems those around you won’t be on par with your agenda.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Midweek, there’ll be a blip of something that could be remotely romantic in your life, but otherwise this isn’t the perfect moment for love. Surprisingly enough, you won’t care, as you’ll be far too consumed with work and trying to get all those errands done on time to be free enough to enjoy getting properly sloshed and sexed during the holidays.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Secrets are going to pour out, and skeletons in closets that you didn’t think you had will blindside you. Thankfully, this will come just in time to show you that your latest catch isn’t as dull as you had assumed and actually has some edge. Now, with gossip and drama back at your disposable, you’ll be feeling in your element once again.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Finally, you’ll feel as if the universe has some sympathy for you, as that contentious side of your honey will subside and be willing to call a truce long enough to discuss compromise. However, just because he’s talking the right words, until he backs it up with action, don’t sigh that breath of relief quite yet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People can badger you all they want and you can ignore them — but when your boo starts throwing his two cents in on the way you should be living, that’s when you have to break out the diva speeches and tell him to stop projecting his crap onto you. While there might be some truth in his accusations, there are other, less rude ways to nag, without killing your holiday buzz.

For The Week Of December 8-14, 2008

Kiki TDecember 8, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Not everyone is as together as you, but you can’t penalize another for it. This week, there may be hope if you’re willing to take control and show him the way. Frustrating and aggravating, for sure. Rewarding and touching, surprisingly so. Seems something about his neediness will be endearing and something about your bossiness will be extra saucy.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll have to tune out a lot when it comes to getting the romantic week you deserve. As it’ll go, there’ll be many opinions spewed and many demands made that won’t bode well with your state of mind. However, the visuals will be to your liking and as long as you approach the matters as objects d’art having its nuances they’ll be no pain.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Negotiations with you and sweetie are going to get tough in many ways. Besides seeing another side to that someone you didn’t think could exist, it’ll also bring out a feeling inside of you that you hate. All in all, an emotionally stressful time that’ll have you needing to spend a lot of money on useless things.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your freakiness is about to turn up a few notches as they’ll be a friendly someone that’s been close to you this whole time that’ll unleash his and inspire you to spill all your secrets as if you were the fountains of Trevi — and like that historical spot, if you throw your two cents in, you’ll get what you ask for.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Nobody is perfect and although you know it, you somehow can’t seem to accept it. So, instead of trying to fight yourself and convince yourself that the impossible can happen with this person, remove yourself from the situation where you have these expectations and vindicate yourself. Out of sight is soon out of mind.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Listening to your human sex toy bitch all day blows, especially when he doesn’t pay attention to all your worries and woes. If you’re going to get any satisfaction this week, it’ll be through more private and personal affairs. Tune out the world and focus back on you. If this means plugging in a more loyal friend, at least it’s guaranteed to satisfy without talking back.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Burn the sage and clear the negative vibes from your home. The energy has gone straight up sour. Refresh the mood to revitalize your inner vixen. Although this might sound ridiculous now, do it and in a few days you’ll see your pad return to being party central with your body as the altar in which many will want to worship. After all, what do you have to lose?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Not everyone can be your honey and not everyone can be just a friend. If it were that easy, there would be far less books on the shelves in stores today. So, instead of frustratingly trying to make sense of a star-crossed situation, accept you can’t put a circle in a square and do what you must. Only you can draw this boundary and the chalk is in your hands.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your misguided generosities have burned you before, but you never seem to learn. This time around, you have too much to lay on the line for just any pretty face that you think you can save. Pull the purse strings shut now and put your love where it’ll matter, as in anywhere, but with him. If he’s worth it, let him sort it out and then try to win you back.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ve exhausted explaining your point of view. If that special someone isn’t seeing it, you might have to question his intelligence and weigh out how important the issue at hand truly is versus how dear that oblivious person is to you. However, if you give them the chance to express to you without words what they do understand, you might just find a compromise.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your wild side will be out needing to be satiated. Unfortunately, your logic will be tugging at you, trying to censor your behavior and leaving you one big ole confused mess. Luckily, you’re in the right place at the right time to take cues from your boo, as listening will be bring you the sweetest nectar.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Battles with your baby that you never thought would end are going to. Call it a miracle or a hard won truce, but your peace of mind will get restored. Love it and don’t question it. In fact, best to move ahead quickly to erase the trauma from your minds. If possible, go for a spontaneous weekend love-fest. From there, all things will be possible again.

For The Week Of December 1-7, 2008

Kiki TDecember 1, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

No matter how much logic you use to figure out your boo’s next move, you won’t be successful. He’s going to be unpredictable, shaking up your household and causing major upheavals to your domestic routines. The good news is that your relationship can use a breath of fresh air and this bout of extremes will do more than its fair share to revive the passion.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If your love life has been in a slump, the universe’s suggestion is as follows: put away your preconceived notions, hop on the Internet and strike up an international flirtation just to get your blood pumping. It’ll be far enough to keep you from getting hooked, but accessible enough to get your ready to hit the locale scene more confidently and charismatically.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Talk is boring, no matter how seductive the words, because at this stage of your game, if all you have are promises and no actions, you’re as good as nowhere. This week, stop listening and start demanding. If you’re not getting your needs met, end the charades. The good news, if you stand up for yourself, a just payback for your wasted time will arrive promptly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’ll be feeling inspired and loving life; exuding energy with every step and being you’re in your prime. The bizarre twist to it all? Your attractions will veer right and you’ll find your satisfactions with safer tastes. Hey, whatever gets you off. At the least, this malleable bottom will be the perfect compliment to you being the revved-up-top, so bon appetite!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You know what turns you on, so fess up and own it. Rather than thinking yourself a pervert and hiding your dirty little secret, wear it like a badge of honor. Be proud you at least know that much about yourself, as most people won’t even get that far. Plus, if you say it with pride, you’ll find that right ear to hear it loud and strong, proving that the laws of attraction are on your side.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

It’s sexy to have a secret love affair, but not if you’re having it out of the shame and judgment you feel others will give. No matter, the cat is coming out of the bag this week, as snooping friends catch onto your game and expose your double life. However, unlike what you suspect, the support you’ll get will have you barreling out of the closet with pride

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Listening to your friends is the only way you can get yourself out of the mess you’ve dug up with a current flirtation gone wrong. Seems there’s a dangerous web you’ve woven and it’ll take more than just a few apologies to get you out. Instead, corral the team to create a major strategy with precision execution. Yes, sometimes it takes village to keep your love life on track.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Keep your eye on the prize, as in holding tight to your ideals and zipping your integrity in your pants. You know your instincts don’t lie and going against your agenda isn’t doing you any favors. Besides, if there’s one thing you hate, it’s knowing that another has won something over on you — and in this case, is he even worth it? Don’t let horny curiosity be your downfall.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Being screwed-over by sweet-talking cuties with only sex on the brain has taken its toll. Now, with the tables are turned, it’s you that possesses all the power. However, deciding where to let your karma flow isn’t as easy as you thought, as it’ll contort your mind and twist your body into shapes and places you never thought possible. Seems having a soul isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

As long as you keep your standards low and your patience in check, they’ll be no reason your love life can’t go into cruise control and have you feeling as if you’re on a sunny all-inclusive vacation in paradise. So what if you have to ignore a few details and play up your imagination a little? Just be happy you’ve landed someone to look the part.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Relationships aren’t easy. If it were, would there be as many songs about it or books on how to get a clue? Keep this in mind as your brain hits a crazy place that has your jealousies raging out of control and your paranoia getting the better of you. What does this all mean? You’re in deep. How to set yourself free of this madness? Fess up and admit those three magic words.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be in that perfect romantic mindset to set the stage for all things beautiful in your love life, worshiping your honey and having the same awestruck emotions flooding back. However, because life is a bitch, things are never that easy. As much as you want the story to unfold flawlessly, realize the one glitch that has this from moving ahead? The workaholic in you.

For The Week Of November 24-30, 2008

Kiki TNovember 24, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Don’t be scared of innovation. When it comes to getting more out of old situation, it’ll mean taking bigger risks and shaking up your foundations to try something far fetched — and the more progressive the ideas, the more they’ll work. Yes, long as you remain passionate and show how much you want it, fate will find its way to grant you your wish.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

On the agenda: making decisions on where to set your anchor. Although you may love whom you’re with, thinking for the long-term will be pressing on your mind and it’ll mean projecting yourself into your ideal future, uncovering what your real happily ever after is and accepting the picture you find, no matter what. From there, actions will be obvious and possibly painful.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Intimacy isn’t your strong quality. Either you avoid it like the plague or you are so hardcore about it, you squeeze those close to you to a pulp. While you always mean well, it’s not working. To get back on track, time to change your song and dance. Time to redefine what being well-adjusted is without thinking it’s going to bore you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Erase, “No,” from your vocabulary, as doing what you want, when you want and however you want will be your path to a living nirvana. It’s a time to take no prisons, as in letting your mouth run and having your body follow, as when you’ll be at your rawest is when you’ll be at your sexiest and most effective. Yes, time to see if others can rise to the challenge.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Guilt is a dirty word and the more you judge yourself for a past wrong doing, the more defeated you get and the sad thing is, at the end of the day, it’s only you who is punishing yourself as harshly as you are. There’s no scoreboard, but until you really embrace that fact, help yourself along in the healing process by embracing the teaches of Peaches, “F*** The Pain Away.”

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your love life is running all over the place and not in a good way. As if goes, your objectivity is shot and there isn’t a quick fix you can implement alone — which means time to call in your most clever friends to cook up a scheme to get you back on the fast track with your honey, as it goes with you, Miss. Sign of Friendship, it sometimes does take a village.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You career will be moving up a few notches and into a faster lane. This will mean you have to step up to the plate and make your love life a priority just the same. You have a tendency to flip to the extremes, but this time around you have way too much on the line to just wing it. This time around, organization is mandatory.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The structure of your life is starting to come undone and you should let it. All the rules you put on yourself have done nothing, but backed up you into a wall. Face it, the view sucks and you aren’t as happy as you thought. While you have proven you have a great ability to complete task, you haven’t proven how to sustain happiness — put that back on top of your agenda now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Behind close doors, you love it dirty. However, there’s no need to have to keep everything under a tight lid, as the more you express your frisky side, the more the laws of attraction will work for you. Forget the shame, forget the guilt, forget the pristine image you want to project, etc. From here on out, call it as you want it or be stuck with the crumbs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re either committed to love or on your way to being committed because of love. There are no other options for you now as the extremes are hitting you hard and making you think all sorts of crazy things about yourself, life and the male species. To find out which side of fate you want to experience, be willing to dig deep into your inner soul to find the answers.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Thanks to a major shift in your partnership house (big bad Pluto the karma planet moving in for the next 16 years), expect your closest relationships to go through a complete transformation starting now. What it means? Being quicker to cut the bullsh*t ties that have only kept you busy and rising to a higher standard for those you love. All round, improvements all the way.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

As long as you can articulate yourself, you’ll be clear of any love catastrophes. Seems your words will be the sweetest music to someone out there, seducing him to do as you wish. However, know there will be a payback time and that how you set up the foundation now will set the price for later. In other words, be kind.

For The Week Of November 17-23, 2008

Kiki TNovember 17, 2008 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your drive will be tanking, as your energies get scattered. Instead of panicking and thinking the worst, take this as a sign to cool down and recollect yourself. If anything, this is a perfect opportunity to rekindle the magic with your baby and realize there is more to your life than just fighting for the finer things, but appreciating them too.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You mind will be wandering far from your body; to get things to match up again, take a spontaneous trip. Even if time won’t allow anything major, just doing a sleep over at a friends will do the trick as anything that removes you from your day to day life will do wonders in putting you back in the right frame of mind to f**k and frolic the way you love it once again.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’ll be all out anarchy at Scorpio central this week. Your mind will run about with ambitious thoughts, your body consumed with more practical pursuits and then there’ll be your spirit. Seems your inner soul will be feeling a bit restless and a bout of wild curiosities will tempt you into all sorts of interesting turmoil. Yes, you know it, the bitch is back!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It’s your way or the highway and if your honeyman can’t get with that program, then he better reconsider who he is getting himself in deeper with. This isn’t your time to compromise and there’s no reason you should be. If anyone thinks they can interfere, well, that person has no idea who you really are and won’t ever. Accept that now and forever have your peace.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A trip down memory lane can happen any moment, forcing you to have to rectify your past and deal with ongoing issues that are driving a big ole wedge into your love life. Although using this as your cushion to avoid anyone getting close to you has been a fun game of cat and mouse so far, things won’t be as cute going forward. Cease and desist those blocks now!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Exploring new faces and different places will make for a big surge in your popularity, as long as you know how to spread your love around and work it, because sitting in one place too long won’t bode well for you, as going in too deep with anyone will cause friction and disinterest. You know it, it’s all about the superficialness this week, so live it, love it and OD on it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your motivation will be on the rise, but if you waste this energy towards your romance, rather than your career, you’ll be missing the boat of major opportunities to get to a new level in your life that can have you meeting a higher standard of men that will understand your dreams better and know how to support you. In other words, fight your instant gratification instinct!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your appetite for adventure will increase to a heightened level of excitement and make you horny for foreign meat. Break free of your confines and do all you can to get what you must, as tasting the pleasure of something out of your norm will be what satisfies you the most. If this means booking yourself a trip to a far away land, consider it foreplay for the best ride of your life.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You are under no obligation to have to tell whom ever you are sleeping with all you secrets, unless they are of the STD variety. Otherwise, having some mystery should be an enticement to keep the passion alive. However, playing this both ways is going to be necessary to make it work, as in accepting he’s got a few skeletons in his closet too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Get off the fence and say, “Yes!” Whatever opportunities are coming your way in terms of partnership will only bring about luck. Sure, you have some issues with commitment, as in claustrophobia, but nothing ever has to be forever. Instead of trying to paint a big ugly picture, see it as pieces of a puzzle you want to sort out.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Changing up your routines will do wonders for your overall morale, as just thinking about a better life isn’t going to happen — that just isn’t how the laws of attraction work. To win it, you have to be in it. So, this means putting your feet in the water and not being afraid to get a little dirty. Besides, deep down what you truly do desire is a little filth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your libido will have a mind of its own and if you try stopping it from its path of destruction, you will only have yourself to blame, as it seems it will have an invincible power to see, aim, and conquer. So, just sit back, look pretty and follow those impulses, as it’ll give you all that you want and didn’t know you thought was so delectable.