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For The Week Of February 15-21, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Listening to someone go off insanely is not your idea of a fun time. Though, this week you’re going to have to give some compassion to get to the sweet nectar of your baby — he or she will be in control of the emotional strings, like an erratic puppet master. Just go with it, because when all is said and done, you’ll have played your part.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

In the whole scheme of things, you should have a pretty exciting week of romance, friendships and even a few surprise thrills. The catch, though: the timeline of it all will be wacky and unless you maintain a sense of humor and see the picture as a whole, with some character, then all the sublime magic will be lost.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Take a deep breath, because just when you thought your plate was full enough, in comes more piles to expand your life to a new proportion of craziness. Thankfully, this will all be exciting and fun, fully putting you at mover and shaker levels. However, if for any reason you don’t enjoy this, well, then, you have just learned to be careful about what you wish for.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You have so many talents. Too bad emotional dealings aren’t always one of them. A lot of times you like to see what you want to see. This week, be prudent with deciphering things you hear and the actions you witness. Not all will add up equally, which could lead you to redrawing a game plan. No matter, this might just be what you need to do to score that winning point anyway.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t get caught up on the small things you hear or see, because they’ll only sidetrack you from what really matters and ultimately cause you to sabotage yourself from seeing the obvious. Your life is on a trajectory that should be thrilling and exciting: accept it and love it. Otherwise, being your own cockblocker won’t win you any satisfaction.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Thinking selfishly has its own merits and this is your time to get ahead because of it. The good news is that what is good for you will have effects that trickle down and benefit everyone, so even when you aren’t thinking about it, you are doing good. Just don’t get sidetracked by another’s moaning and complaining — if you stop even once, it’ll kill your momentum.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

There’s no reason to be so shy. The signs are all there and it’s about reading them confidently. Besides, you know what you want and if you don’t make the effort, only you will be to blame. Not to say you have to do all the work, but at the least, send back signals and get the ball rolling. Otherwise, sticking to the status quo will mean a missed opportunity.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Take the time to chill out and play the observer right now. If your honey is being shady as of late, he will eventually mess up on his own when given enough rope. However, don’t be too stuck on seeing something if it’s not there either. This is when your discrimination will count for something; it will enable you to decipher the truth from what you really want to see.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Fantasyland is just a few hours away and it can make you fall in love all over again. All you have to do is plan a last-minute surprise getaway with your baby and top-shelf romance is yours for the taking. If you’re single, this works well for you too; when you hop out of town, you never know whom you’ll meet around the corner of somewhere you’ve never been.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Beware of the powers of a pretty face. Although the picture might seem perfect, everything beneath the surface is far from what it seems. If you even try to tempt this act of fate, you will find yourself falling fast down a slippery slope, which will have you paying a heavy price for being able to look but to never really touch.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Who cares whatever anyone tells you or even what you want to tell yourself, because if you hold back on any of your feelings now, you’ll regret it. Not to say all is finite with your actions, but you’ll have a major opportunity to score some super hot love that is only for now. Although you can opt to sit back and see how it plays out, why wait for lukewarm seconds?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your libido will be cranking out the best sex you’ve had to offer in a while. Your brain will be floating at a new level that will make you more creative and inspired than usual. However, there is no need to advertise this, as those who deserve it will magically be in line to reap the rewards. Besides, if it’s not going to happen organically, it shouldn’t happen at all!

For The Week Of February 8-14, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be feeling your honey in a deeper and more pleasing way and it’ll make you want to rearrange your life to make more space for bonding. However, your time is tight, so it will take some innovation and calling in favors. Thankfully, the universe is on your side and if you ask, you shall receive.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If you take a chance on love, it’ll happen. Dreams, wishes, and all that is fantastical are possible now. All you have to do is trust. Go ahead, let go of the logic and act accordingly, because blind faith will work and leading yourself around by instincts will bring surprises that’ll have you grasping for air and curling your toes in scenarios that’ll confirm destiny is real.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Getting laid this week should be like shooting fish in a barrel. If you are over that phase of tawdry sex, then replace that with having romance, because, as it happens to be, you’ll be in top form. The energy you radiate will magnetize hot ass to you, at your disposal. Yes, you’ll have so many options, who knows when you’ll ever have time to come up for air.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Nobody can tell you what to do, so if you think you should sit back and let that someone bark orders at you and think they can get away with it, make them think again. Put your foot down and start a revolution! Remember, you’re a hot and sexy badass who calls the shots. If they can’t understand that and see it, well, they’ll never know how to appreciate you either.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Not everyone can be an amazing communicator. As much as you’d love to hear certain words that touch the sweetest part of you, forget it. Instead, know you’ll have to read in-between the lines to get to the heart of the situation. The good news is that once you sort it out, you will realize the sweetest part of you can be reached in many different and intriguing ways.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your mouth will be moving much faster than your brain or your heart, and that can lead you into some compromising positions over this week. However, no matter how ridiculous you may feel at times or how brash the comments that fly from you are, stick with it and go with it. Standing your ground and flexing your power are your hottest moves yet.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Drawing boundaries is necessary this week. There will be people you don’t want to do but who might harass you into feeling compassion, which might trigger you into savior mode. While you know you are smarter than this, when it comes to emotional ambushes, you aren’t the strongest, which means knowing when to hold them and definitely knowing when to fold them.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

We all have something seedy in our past that haunts us, but if you can keep a sense of humor when it reappears, then all is good. So, as a score comes around to be settled this week, prep your armor with apathy. It’s your only mechanism to generate laughter, at least of the false kind. As long as you fake it until you can make it and never let them see you cry, all will be A-OK.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your popularity will be soaring and that might make that certain someone not so happy — it’ll mean sharing you. While this might irritate you initially, as you will have to stop everything every so often to baby the hell out of that special someone, suck it up. The rewards will come later. At the least, realize this beats dating those emotionally unavailable losers.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

The truth will set you free, so brace yourself as you hear news that might not be music to your ears, but will give you a sense of clarity when it comes to a confusing situation that has been teetering on the fence and making you uncertain of your next steps. Thankfully, this is your week to make that next move and on no uncertain terms.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The things tickling your fancy this week won’t be obvious. Suddenly, you will realize that you are slowly slipping into an obsession for the oddest of choices. However, not all strains of passion have to be malicious and have you scraping your ego from the bottom of a shoe. So, play back this game and show a little intrigue and lots of skin.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love is in the air and it’s circling all around you. Seems there’s no stopping you and your boo from going that extra mile now, as you’ve reached a place in your relationship that’ll really prove to you, him and everyone how in sync you two are. Just one warning though, actions speak louder than words; so forget the urge to gloat, as that’ll be the end to your new blissful beginning.

For The Week Of February 1-7, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

It’s not just about hearing the right things, because words mean nothing without the actions to back them up. So, as you’re being seduced by words that might cause you to lie down and open wide, do think first before making any big jumps. There is nothing wrong with creating a little anticipation and making sure someone is putting his “money” where his mouth wants to be.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

It might feel as if you have to fight circumstance to get to the creamy nougat this week, but consider it all foreplay, as delays will be increasing the drama of your story. Think of this like adding character. And if the finale isn’t as banging as the lead-in, at least you still will have something to talk about, and sometimes that is all one can ask for.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Sorry to say, but expect your aggravation levels to hit a new level of high and your patience to drop to dwarfed levels. However, nothing like hitting rock bottom to bounce you back sky-high. Yes, seems someone knows how to press those buttons of yours in just that way that has even you surprised at how fast your defenses and panties can drop.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You don’t work well when planning too far ahead, so forget thinking about anything other than the moment. This week, it’s all about spontaneity and flying by the seat of your pants. If you go about romance this way, you’ll be bottomless by the week’s end, with legs flying high in the air. However, who winds up being your co-pilot will be the part that’ll shock you the most.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Some patience is needed. It’ll take a little bit of talking and negotiating to get you and your boo back on the same page. Not to say there’s going to be a big drama, but if you don’t talk it out now, it can escalate. So, nip this baby in the bud and get your minor agitations out on the table — and don’t worry, no matter how tiny this talk, the make-up sex will still be just as big.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

No matter how hard your honey, or whoever is caught on your hook, is pulling you, you’re under no obligation to put in more effort than you feel. After all, this isn’t the time to give mixed signals or try to kid yourself into feeling more than you do or having them think you want to go places you really don’t. Not to say you’re not totally feeling it, but how much is debatable.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re born under one of the most psychic signs of the zodiac; so when you are feeling something strange and you can’t place your finger on it; don’t just sweep it under the rug. Dig further for facts, even if you are scared. A little pain today is a lot less damaging than a snowball of calamity later. Do your homework now; have all the answers later.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be in full creeping mode and ready to get a party started, but too bad your friends have turned into blobby homebodies. Never mind, time to work your cheerleading skills and get them out and bouncing about town. If you want any now, you’ll need your friends to help, because judgment will be way too off if left to your own horny devices.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Winter’s harshness is setting in and the last thing you will want to deal with is your libido. Instead, expect all your energies to focus on nesting and career. Sure, you can attempt to get busy and all, but your brain just won’t really trigger that way. However, if your baby needs getting off, a few dirty texts and pics will do the trick.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your eyes are going to be bigger than your stomach, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to swallow all the excitement anyway. Ambition is a good thing and showing your enthusiasm will put you in a fabulous light with that special someone, even if you don’t have all the power to deliver what you thought. Whatever, he’ll assume it’s you being a tease and it’ll buy you time.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You’ve never been one to be obvious, but this week, if your boo isn’t getting the messages that you are sending through the intense and hot sex you are giving, then reconsider what you are up against. You do your best communicating through your body and if someone can get you on that level, what are they ever truly going to get? Sex should never be a mute expedition.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The power of love will be tossing your life into all sorts of odd positions and it’ll feel as if you’re losing footing with yourself — but don’t worry, that just means time to hold on tighter. When one part of your life goes up, another eventually has to go down. It’s physics and it’s happening in your life now. No matter, a little bit of drama won’t hurt, least of all an emotional tank like you.

For The Week Of January 25-31, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Things are going to get rough this week, leaving you to wonder if you have made the wrong decisions. Don’t ignore this moment. Take a break to really get back in touch with your mojo, because if you try to keep going while working out your uncertainties, you will never truly get full clarity. Sometimes you really do just have to drop everything.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Romance and friendship clash this week, leaving people to take sides and create an all-around dramatic turn of events. Seems some things can’t be left inside the bedroom and when that news does get out, expect a wave of pandemonium and havoc to hit your social scene. At the least, with the added support around you, you won’t think you’re crazy, just him.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The limelight hits you big-time this week, bringing the masses to adore you at your feet. While this is amazing for you, your boo might not be so fast on the uptake. Get ready to see his true colors and a shot of how faithful you truly are or aren’t. As it goes, ambition and power are your aphrodisiacs and if your baby can’t be the ying to your yang, prepare to get a bit turned off.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Even the greatest love affairs have a phase when it sucks. Yes, the idealism comes crashing down and it’s about work and learning how to deal with the flaws of your honey and your relationship. While this one will happen a bit faster and more sudden than ideal, do understand nothing that happens now is forever and that what goes down will eventually pop back up.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Go where your libido leads you, as its aim is on — the chemistry that heats up this week will be otherworldly on many levels. While there is a bit of mystery attached to this tasty treat that might not have you feeling as if you can trust it 100 percent, don’t get lost in trying to make it more than it has to be. Being in the moment now is the only way to experience it and assess it.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your week will start off slow but is going to end crazy, with you having all the answers. The obvious won’t be avoidable anymore and your relationship is going to start launching off in a new direction whether or not you’ve made any preparations. Destiny is calling and can’t take “hold on” for an answer anymore.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Major obstacles are going to pop into your life – you’ll have to think fast and scramble for solutions. How your baby rises to this occasion with you will be quite telling and most likely shocking, as you will see a new side to him that you didn’t expect. This could be the make-or-break moment you’ve been waiting for.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The power of lust is going to make you do things that go way beyond your comfort zone and prove to be straight up dangerous. Whatever you have going on in your love life now is about to heat up to the umpteenth degree and when you step into this hot zone, you will have to play your bets with an all-or-nothing attitude. You know it; let the games begin!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to your home, you’re very specific with how you want to live. So, as this week starts taking shape, and you see that not all is as beautiful as you’d like, hold back from just reacting. Things are not as extreme as you think, but to realize paradise again won’t be easy. Understand diplomacy is the key to the heart of this matter and from there all is possible.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Having your curiosity raised to the point of stopping your wheels from spinning to focus on one person or thing is a rare occurrence. So, when a monkey wrench is thrown into your spokes, don’t gloss over it. Instead, stay on the DL, investigate deeper and ask questions. Soon enough the pieces of the puzzle will fit together and a surprise will be revealed.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Money issues might blindside you this week and throw you off your game. However, instead of hiding away, thinking you have to suffer in silence, do the opposite. As it goes, magic can only happen if you are out circulating in the field. This just happens to be the time you are due for a karmic miracle, but you do have to be in it to win it.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

New Year’s may have been a month ago, but it’s this week that you’ll feel the real beginning of a new cycle. It’ll be now that you’ll reach your emotional limits with someone and need a big ole time-out. Seems current compromises have hit your glass ceiling, with no more room to give. Time to reassess once again. Lessons are here and they won’t be easy, so get ready to rumble!

For The Week Of January 18-24, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Quirky turn-ons are going to be the theme of your week. Bizarre love twists and turns will take place and could have you waking up in some strange places. Go with the flow and consider it an adventure. Plus, know that the more you drift off your beaten path, the more extreme the twists will get, but rest assured that this will also bring bigger surprises.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll be so hot and emitting that heat so intensely that you’ll inadvertently be a fluffer to many. What ever should you do with this power? Tease like crazy and entertain yourself like mad. Seems the choices will be many. To get to the best of the best, make them walk through your mental minefield. After all, a girl like you needs more than a pretty face to be satisfied.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is about to get way more intense. All that dreaming you’ve gotten lost in won’t be as conceptual as it once was. Reality is going to start shifting in a majorly magical way and fairytale happenings will start to occur. While it might not be recognizable at first, do realize the strange feelings you are sensing are going to amount to something new and big.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Be on the lookout for a hot, new neighbor or roomies bringing over a friend who’ll make you sweat in personal places. Yes, there’s a high chance of a hot hookup to be delivered right to your door — but beware of eating where you sh*t. To make it work, be clever in your seduction and make them come on to you. After all, you want a good time, not a responsibility.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’re not the kind of lady who likes to make everything obvious, but right now a major turn-around is happening. If you want to get in it to win it, it’ll mean enforcing your confidence and speaking what you wish. Seems your words will have more power than you suspect. If you let it all hang out, there’ll be ears hanging on every sound you utter.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your tastes will be superb, as you will find your abilities to be discriminating working charmingly and most effectively. The only hold-up: battling with those inner demons that make you think there won’t be anything beyond surface that can satisfy. Trusting the prizes you find this week will require you to dig deeper to find the real gold.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The world is now yours, so enjoy the spotlight when you can and take the risks that will get you to the place you want your life to be. Jupiter, the planet of luck, enters Pisces and will make you the Queen Bee for most of this year. So forget about holding back or thinking twice. Trusting your gut and acting on instincts will pay off big time.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You can’t control the world right now and you’d be a fool to try. The best you can do now is let everyone serve you and let the surprises happen at their own pace. Seems the loyalties you have established will start to take shape now, showing you who really has your back and who wants to get on top of it too, so don’t blur the view with your baggage.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Listen to your friends. If they say jump, ask how high, because they really will be the ones who will guide you to your promise land. Not to say all will be linear, but following their lead will bring massive opportunities to you, bringing you to new places and faces which will up your status as well as your attitude.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Beware: your ego will be acting up in all sorts of ways that will make you feel way more invincible than you are. So, be prudent with how cocky you let yourself get, because not all will be as easy as it appears. Sure, the brass ring is in sight, but it’s not as close as you think. Let your idealism inspire, not mislead you.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

An emotional meltdown of sorts will have you succumbing to your desires despite yourself and all logic. However, there is no holding you back when you reach this point of lust, so feed into what you crave and indulge yourself. Seems what you’ll discover is that once you get it, you won’t want it anymore.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Despite what people say about your take on love, they don’t know squat. What you and your baby have is real and more intimate and intense than most can imagine. This week, things go farther off the charts, putting you in full-on glow mode and it’ll make the haters even more aggravated. Luckily, you’re a sadist at heart, so this week will appease you more than you’ll even know.

For The Week Of January 11-17, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Only you will be to blame if you let low self-esteem plague you into thinking your latest honey is out of your league. Sure, putting another on a pedestal is sweet at first, but after a quick while it gets old and can turn sweet love sour. To avoid this disaster, let him do all the talking first and don’t feel you have to be responsible for anything else, other than feeling good.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You can only be polite for so long — you are only human. Besides, who is it serving to sweep irritations under the rug? Instead, time for a major breakdown and changing the trajectory of your life and love, as fresh starts are needed STAT. However, don’t get sloppy and think getting mean will help, as clean breaks are worth their weight in gold now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your mouth will be moving faster than your brain and there’ll be a few times you’ll find yourself saying things that even you can’t believe. That’s not to say these revelations aren’t true, but you thought they were your secrets to keep. However, despite the embarrassment you might initially feel, by the end of this week, you’ll be giving yourself a big pat on your back for brave work well done.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There’ll be nothing that can touch you this week. Your self-esteem will be shooting off the charts and giving you a cocky confidence that’ll make you able to approach any cute stranger who has been tickling your fancy. You’ll give him something to go crazy on and, thus, he’ll be irresistible to you. No, this won’t be the week to set out to be “just friends.”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Get ready for anything to happen and go with it, because what may seem like a small opportunity that arrives now can erupt into a whole new level of life, love, success and fulfillment of your deepest wishes. So, don’t sabotage yourself and only see the dark side to offers that come your way, because if you do, you’ll be shortchanging yourself.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Finally, your mental space is back and you’ll be able to call your own shots without the red tape. While the deluge of freedom may overwhelm you and make you want to run around bottomless, do be prudent with where you indulge yourself, as the only clincher to your life right now is that your world has gotten smaller and actions you perform now will come back to haunt you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Just as life is cruising along and your flirty friendship seems to be following the same path, a sudden 180 may occur, making you wonder whom exactly you are about to bag. Seems this week, mysteries will arise and some detective work will begin. While it’ll take some effort to control your obsessive nature, realize what you uncover may make you veer onto the platonic route.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

This week your relationship and career will be fighting for the top priority slot in your life as an incredible opportunity is due to arrive. Unfortunately, it’ll also come just in time to circumvent a more serious turn in your love life — it may take you far away or make you preoccupied for an undetermined time. Either or, needy hanger-oners won’t be tolerated, so let’s hope he behaves.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Not every moment of your love life can be perfect, and woe is the first time you realize that your latest relationship isn’t as idyllic as you thought. Lucky for you, you can still see beyond this rocky moment if you keep your sense of humor intact. Seems all you need is to show a little of your optimism and that leap of faith will take both of you far and on to the next step.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Chemistry is a beautiful thing. When it’s so strong it almost makes you forget you have to do anything but lie back and look pretty — but don’t get lazy or react like you have no upbringing. You’ve been down this route enough times to know how it ends if you ignite the spark too soon, so be more discriminating. If he’s worth it, the taste will be gourmet with some anticipation.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your family can’t agree with everything you do, but has that stopped you before? This week, don’t let their voices in your head stop you from going after what makes you tingle in places that matter. This is your time to cross new boundaries and break out of theirs. What suits you best can only be found far from their comfort zone and they are just going to have to deal.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Best to stick to old worn routines now, as your brain is going a bit haywire and communications with the outer world won’t be at its optimum. To ensure cruising at an OK speed, with minimal scarring, best to stay in your comfort zone and indulge yourself in all that is familiar — and if anyone asks any more of you, know they obviously don’t know what is best for you.

For The Week Of January 4-10, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

There’ll be a feeling of destiny taking over your life, which will mean magical coincidences will be unraveling right before your eyes and effortless changes will make your life totally creamy and dreamy. Yes, big shifts are under way, and as it goes, your life today won’t be quite the same tomorrow. So, savor these moments now, because a major adventure is about to begin.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Decision time is coming, as the honeymoon phase ends and reality sets in, making you really see what chips you have on the table and what you are willing to gamble. While you’ve made up your mind by gut before, this time around prudence is welcome. Even if you do make your conclusions abruptly, at the least you should respect your situation enough to be thorough.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

There is nothing wrong with slowing down your pace, taking in the moment and being a bit old-fashioned. The fact is, sharing ideas and building mental bonds is what turns you on the most right now, but you will only get to the meat of this intellectual bonanza if you stop thinking you have to keep running a five-ring circus.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This week, you’ll be more fired up to flaunt yourself. You’ll really feel as if you’ve got it and others want to see it. Yes, your confidence will be riding high and it’ll make you one hot commodity, so don’t be silly and waste those talents on just anyone. Know that some discrimination now will go a long way, in your heart and, more importantly, in your body.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

It’s the New Year and your birthday month, so chances are you’re still coming down from the festive frenzy — but it’s not like you need excuses anyway. This is the time of year that if it isn’t crazy, then something is wrong. If you have to get bitchy and bossy, feel free. After all, someone needs to take a leadership role, might as well be the smartest one of the bunch — you.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

As you step further in this New Year, you are going to have to be clearer and more forceful in your actions and expressing what you think is special enough to bring along and what is just wrong to haul along any further. As the repressions of the holidays have painted a thorough picture for you, time to open those eyes wide and really see what is true love or true lies.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Work on curbing your horniness for just a few and take a time-out to reconnect with your baby in a PG kind of way. This means having fun with your clothes on and enjoying the companionship side of your bond. If possible, to keep it chill, plan more activities with friends, because as it goes, building your social world together now will be the best foreplay you can ask for.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You won’t be able to fight your fame this week, so give it up. Go with the flow and take each day as it comes, as the demands for your time won’t give you space to plan anything for you. The good news is that all this fanfare will make you feel hot and sexy; the bad news is it won’t give you time to indulge in the groupies immediately — but that doesn’t mean you can’t take numbers.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re going to have to keep a sense of humor this week, if you want to get any. Seems that someone will be acting on a much flakier level than usual and his excuses will seem too fantastical to be real, but forget taking anything too personally this week, or it’ll be just too lonely to bear. Realize this isn’t desperation either, but just the way it has to be right now.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Don’t let your imagination get away with itself, because this isn’t the week where anything obvious is going to happen and it’ll leave much room for interpretation — but don’t lose your mind over it either, because the truth may just be that boring. If anything, this is your time to whip out the compassion, as there will be much dullness in the air.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter how far your confidence nosedives at times or what kooky story you try to convince yourself of, realize your life and your relationship are A-OK. In fact, love won’t be getting better than it will this week, as you realize you’ve been going along at cruise control and feeling normal all the while. Love it, because the bottom won’t be falling out.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You can talk and talk, but it’s like he just can’t get you. To say the least, frustration is coming and it’ll seem as if the red tape is going to dampen your love buzz, as his conservative values clash with yours. Whatever. Go ahead, throw your tantrums. At the least, that’ll be one way you can entertain yourself amid the surrounding deadbeat energy.

Mercury Retrograde Survival Guide

Has your life gone haywire in the last week? Communications amiss? People from the past randomly showing up? Feel like you might be losing your mind, as no one you know seems to make any sense to you any more? Fret not, it’s not you: It’s the universe! Yes, blame the cosmos, as Mercury, the planet of communication, halts and appears to go backwards, causing all sorts of chaos on mankind.

Frightfully, this bizarre phenomenon happens three times a year and, fortunately, this will be the last time in ’09. It officially began at 2:39 pm UT (Universal Time) on Saturday, Dec. 26 and lasts until Jan. 15, though the effects can be felt up until Feb. 4. What does this mean? In general, it means a period of pandemonium for all things regarding communication. That’s right, forget trying to make any major decisions — and definitely don’t sign any contracts (unless the deal comes from someone in the past or it is renewing), back up your software, expect problems with travel and don’t rely on any of the information you get at this time. Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 28, 2009-January 3, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

In your heart and mind there is love. Remember this as circumstances won’t go as planned, and the new twists and turns give your love story even more character than imagined. This will be a true test of your bond with your boo and how you two work together as a team, as you’ll have to take a detour route … Oh, how more sickeningly sweet you two will become.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Ego battles will take front-and-center and could lead you to a standstill with your baby. You’ll both be acting out passive-aggressively and using others as your pawns to get what you want. However, chances are this plan will backfire — others won’t share the priorities you set as intensely. If ever there were a time for a bit more of a sense of humor, it’s this week.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A big dose of reality is coming for you, making your new year start with a major bang. Seems big news is coming and this could unfurl a whole other path you didn’t expect to take. However, don’t let your imagination run away with you, because chances are you won’t be able to guess this surprise until it happens and when it does, fireworks!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A weird case of paranoia will strike, making you doubt choices you want to make — but screw it and throw caution to the wind! Playing it safe has never been your style. Sure, you can be smart, but don’t be a prude. Do what feels good, but just be aware of where to draw limits, and throw in just a touch of prudence to your plans.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You better know what you want going into this week, because you are set to start a crazy emotional roller coaster ride that will pit circumstance against sentiment, and life as you know it will get super dramatic. The only thing you should know is to trust your gut. Where you will be this week won’t be too foreign, as you’ve always known on some level this existed.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The stroke of midnight will signify a lot more endings to you than just the prior year. For you, it’ll mark a significant step into a future that relinquishes you from past traumas for good. This is your cycle to set to your liking and the earlier you can begin it, the better. Your independence is your strongest asset now and one you should not think of as lightly anymore.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Having different levels of respect for romantic relationships and friendships is wrong. Respect is respect and if you are not getting it properly, no matter what kind of bond you have, it’s unacceptable. Ask yourself if your honey is acting the way you’d expect your BFF to act. Chances are the answer is no; for that reason, it’s time to recalibrate your brain to redefine better boundaries.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

As an Aries, you have a fab way of just switching gears and taking care of yourself in dire situations, as your survivor instincts are sharper than most. This week, with so many shifts and flakes to deal with, expect to hone your abilities even more, as you’ll have to be the brains behind many of the activities you take — many of which weren’t even your idea to begin with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re going to have to remind yourself of the bigger picture, as the emotional turmoil and communication mishaps happening at the zero hour will have you wondering why you give so much credit to the wrong people. Dealing with hopes and fears isn’t the sweetest way to end your year, but at the least, you’ll know what you are up against going into 2010.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If it’s any consolation, there will be lots of rough energies in the air, making it hard for anyone to make this week as grand as it usually tends to be. So, as you tiptoe through your days, keep this in mind: your energy will be dipping into dangerously low levels and your need to judge everyone will be on. Oh well, sometimes one just has to swallow a little bitterness to taste some sweet.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This is going to be a major win or lose time in terms of your relationship. If things have been hunky-dory, then expect the next turn to be one that will light up your life in magical ways. If things have been sketchy, then expect something to give. Whichever extreme you’re on, expect a few more weeks to fully land back on your feet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Time to play the mindful observer, as all you’ll need to know is just waiting to happen. If you get a good seat now to watch the show, you’ll find that the thoughts and feelings provoked from this experience will be eye-opening. There will be more than a few new sides to that special someone that’ll have you reexamining what you want from them — which can be good or bad.

For The Week Of December 21-27, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be on top of the world, as true love and mutual feelings light up your life. However, don’t turn this into fuel to burn others, as bragging isn’t going to do you any favors. This feeling of bliss should be making you rise above rather than pouring salt over frenemies’ wounds. If you do find yourself using your emotions as a weapon, it’s time to reconsider your motives.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll find solace in someone you least expect, as you and your honey won’t be seeing eye-to-eye on much and creating havoc everywhere you go. Just as you’ll feel as if you are totally alone, compassion will arrive, giving you the insight you need to see past the agony and help make all things right for there to be a happy Christmas for all.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s not what that someone says that will matter now. It’ll be his actions that will give you all the information you need to know. Yes, as it goes, the pressure of the holidays makes people dumb and words sometimes can escape. But oh well, not all that you desire can come to you on a silver platter, so be thankful for the little things — they’ll be far more powerful than talk.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Travel plans hit snags, making you think your happy holidays will get obliterated, but surprise, surprise, your honey finds a way to save the day, reinforcing why you love him so. However, if you’re single, snafus will wind up playing fate into your hands in the most bizarre ways, landing you in a place where things heat up fast and redefining “chestnuts roasting over an open fire.”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t blame the holidays for the insanity you’ll feel, because the universe will be hitting the stall button right as you’re on the precipice of a major enlightening event. Expect plans to hits snags, dirty secrets to pop out and gossip to run amok. Sure, the holidays are always messy, but you will take the prize for the most tales to tell. At the least, marvelous presents should compensate.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your honey is going to be turning into a major passive-aggressive freak in T-minus zero minutes and there’s nothing you can do about it. Insanity will spew from his mouth; deciphering any remnants of logic will be impossible. While this might be temporary, it doesn’t mean you have to coddle this behavior. Instead, make sure all your drinks this season are doubles and bottoms up!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Not all friendships are the same caliber. The ones that are true gold will be more than apparent, as the one that’s total crap will practically drive you to murder. This “friend” will start mouthing off in the wrong way, trying to interfere with your bliss and turn this season inside out. Luckily, you’ll have the decorum to acknowledge this person’s behavior discreetly and to dispose of her/him immediately.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be hot and cold when it comes to love. On one hand, there’ll be many things that will make you grateful for your boo, but then on the other, you’ll see how short he falls in many other categories. Solution: make the most of the social invites. Not everything can be perfect all the time, but with beer goggles you’ll at least numb yourself from turning into a total psycho.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Who cares what delusions you’ll have to convince yourself of, because, as you know, the drill of the holidays is that family is always a bit over the top and that your love life is what it is — the more low key you can make it, the better you will be for it. ‘Tis the season for you to turn the other cheek and let bygones by bygones; if you can do this, next week will be all yours.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If you’ve said all that you want to say, then you will be doing OK. However, what other people admit to you may make your eyeballs pop out of your head and have you doing a double take on their character. Thankfully, their actions should be more comical than conniving. However, if you are withholding secrets, expect the guilt to finally eat you alive this week and for guts to spill.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You can’t fight the system now, so you might as well just fall in line and take what you can, as this isn’t the time to make a fuss with anyone — least of all your honey. Best to lay low and keep that sense of humor intact, because if you think too deeply on anything, you’ll be asking for a big ole heaping spoonful of depression and confusion. Accept love is stupid and keep on keeping on.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your motivation will be dropping at fast levels and you will have not much interest in other people’s festivities. However, going through the motions won’t kill you. If you can manage to do the least, you will come out alive and can give yourself a big ole pat on the back for being so selfless, because as it goes, this week won’t feel as if it has anything to do with you.

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