Friskyscopes | Page 23

For The Week Of April 27-May 3, 2009

Kiki TApril 27, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Random kinky ideas will hit your brain like bolts of lightening, daring you to take your slinky little self to the other side of paradise. Think of this as a one-way ticket to a level of fulfilling lust you’ve never quite attained before, as the struggle between your prim and proper side hasn’t allowed you this enticing of an invitation before.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Although sex shouldn’t be a weapon, this week it’s the only effective arsenal you’ll have to prove a point to your honey that he can’t always have his cake and eat it too. If this means closing down the candy shop until he learns how to behave, consider it a compromise you’re going to have to make; then break out your vibrator and call it a day.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll need to think strategically when it comes to dealing with your honey and his aggravating idiosyncrasies that waste your time and much of his. While he won’t respond well to the tyrannical side of you that’ll be raging this week, be ready to burn that excess energy of yours in other ways before laying down the law in a fresh and fun way to that big confused baby of yours.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Fate will be frustrating you with tossing hotties to you that aren’t as bright as you’d wish. Although you’ll want to reason with yourself that perhaps it’ll take time to uncover their inner Einstein, you’ll know deep down that what you hear is really what they get. So, take this cue and realize screwing without talking is your best bet to get off this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Having to prove you’re some crazy party animal isn’t the way to go when it comes to sealing the deal with that special someone. After all, when you’re done playing this charade, what are you going to be left with? Having to clean up a lie, live up to a imaginary standards or being stuck with regret? Realize the truth is your best defense and your hottest come on too.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Sure, your standards have come from long hard experiences that made you who you are. However, there are always exceptions to the rule and when those moments come, you’re just going to have to act fast and hop on the ride. This week, don’t be left behind because the picture you see isn’t as perfect as you’d wish it to be.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can give you a fast thrill and a boost of confidence when you need it — like this week, as all the answers you’re waiting for slow to a screeching halt and leave you anxious and in doubt. Go ahead, throw money at the problem and call it a day. If anything, buying a new standard will be an answer you’ll be able to rely on.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Trying new ways of reaching out for love is on your agenda this week. If this means accepting a blind date or posting that online profile, just get in touch with that pioneering spirit of yours and do it. While it might not give you instant gratification, it’ll at least put you in line for stirring up the love energy around you and for now, that is a success onto itself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

They’ll be a feeling of urgency in your pants that won’t be the most cautious. However, getting put up against a fence and having to decide between practicality and little danger is hot onto itself and no matter how dreadful the circumstances, isn’t a little adventure worth the trade off? If anything, it’s a scandalous page for the memoirs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Here you go again, revisiting a situation that started up a few weeks ago with a friendly acquaintance. This time around though, things won’t be as sketchy as they were and if you play your cards right and communicate your thoughts, without any game playing tactics, this could put you on a whole new level with that certain someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your heart will be telling you one thing, while the circumstances will be telling you another. No, this won’t be the easiest week for you to decipher what the hell is happening in your love life, but you can be thankful for one thing — your friends. They’ll be with you through this mess, so remember to be grateful and don’t kick a gift horse in the mouth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All the bumping and grinding you’ll be up to this week won’t be leaving you with too much motivation for much else, if it were up to you — but this is when you’re going to have to get in touch with your more disciplined side to turn it out — as in being able to spot a major career opportunity and using your wandering eye for more than just a good time.

For The Week Of April 20-26, 2009

Kiki TApril 20, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you can put all your thinking aside and the need to be three steps ahead of yourself, then fate will finally be willing to step in and sock it to you with a little something something that’ll make you feel more ravishingly beautiful and shockingly sexy than you have in a while. Yes, this week, control is only something you should embrace after the orgasm.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Being blindsided by secret info that has you thinking of that someone special in a different way may take a few moments to absorb, but once the news settles into place, you’ll realize that what you have in your hands is a hotter and sexier piece than you ever thought before and that keeping off your hands off of him will be nearly impossible.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Striking a new deal is in your stars and pieces of what seemed like an awkward puzzle will start to come together, switching up your routines and turning a new page for you. While the chances of this are for the better, not worst, not all will be as pretty as you’d wish — as there still will be some combative energy to deal with, but think of that tension as your Spanish fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your love life is about to get a big dose of major power that’ll be throwing you into a whirlwind of activity, boosting your stamina and confidence to levels that should have you feeling superior and thrilled to be you. The only thing standing in your way this week in terms romance is you. Don’t be scared to take chances, as the bigger risks you take, the tastier the rewards.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

As much as you try to be cautious, looking in all directions before you take action, it won’t matter because who ever you have on the other line will be pulling plays that’ll surprise you in all the right ways — and as much as you might want to self sabotage yourself in this situation, oh well, not going to happen. The mesmerization will take control and you will (and should) submit.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Unfortunately, words are faster than actions and as much as you’ll be hearing all the right things, your inner cynic won’t be happy that there’s nothing to back it up. Whatever, time to stop holding onto your doubt like a safety vest and realize progress has to start somewhere. Not that you have to give in all the way, but communication is the beginning to all possibilities. Lighten up.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Drama can be fun, but not unless you can take responsibility for yours. While things in your love life might be taking a bit of a wonky path these days, it doesn’t have to mean taking it to the streets to plead your case. Having a sense of privacy will work highly in your favor, as sharing gossip about your relationship won’t be doing any good for anyone, least of all for you.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

There is going to be so much action happening around you, it’ll be smart to keep extra panties in your purse! Seriously, big issues from the past are finally going to be put to rest in a positive way, which will happily surprise you — and with the future wide open, you’ll be in prime position to put it ablaze with all your ideology and determination. Good times.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You comfort zone is about to get a shake up, but thankfully, you will be more than ready to handle it, start putting one foot in front of the next and making excitement happen again. Seems your taste will be taking a big swing to the left and a more dangerous and edgier approach to all matters of the heart will be the only way to turn you out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your instincts will be brewing with all sorts of ideas and fascinations when it comes to your love life, but still the view will be a bit cloudy. Best to let your friends have an opinions on your latest antics, as they can be the seeing eye dog that guides your love life back onto a path where the enlightenment isn’t as perplexing.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

For a split second you might of felt real love, but all of sudden, it seems you aren’t as impressed as you once were and with the haze clearing and your high being worn off, the reality of the situation you find yourself in seems to be a bit more platonic than previously assessed. Oh well, being a heartbreaker is the curse you were born to bear.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Second best is as good as nothing and if that is the motto you keep near and dear to your heart this week, then all will turn out just fantastic. Yes, career accolades are in the stars, as are raises and new responsibilities that’ll fire you up to feel like a woman in full control. With satisfaction like this, expect your libido to be as relentless.

For The Week Of April 13-19, 2009

Kiki TApril 13, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Lust is going to make you crazy, as what you thought was happening is going to hightail itself in the opposite direction, making you more confused than ever. Don’t think too much on the past, as what was once true is no longer the case. For now, the only thing you should trust is your future and making things right with yourself again.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You won’t be able to rely on logic this week, as making sense is so last week. Now, it’s time to use your creativity and instincts to plow through responsibilities and any dragging emotional issues you have. Think the softer and more compassionate route and a week from now, you’ll find yourself landing back to reality softly and sweetly.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your dreamy romantic emotions are going to be taking a turn, this time into a more aggressive realm, where you no longer have to fantasize about those things you want, but actually be able to have them as hard facts. Yes, this is the time to really put yourself on the line and get in charge of how you want to turn it out.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Put your phone on silent, because there’ll be more than a few crazy calls from those closest to you about ridiculous things that’ll be of no bearing to you. While you can strive to be everyone’s best friend, don’t waste your energy on such things because as it goes, this is prime season for you to be on your back, not on the phone.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Someone close to you, or yourself, will be letting down their wall big time and the wave of emotions is expected to be at tsunami levels. Whichever the case, don’t censor yourself. Take this ride for what its worth and let it take you were it will. In the end, at the least, it’ll make you feel refreshed and tighter with that special someone.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A feeling of restlessness is inevitable and there are only a few things that’ll somewhat calm those nerves. Of course you can always screw your week away, but chances are that might jack your anxiety levels more, as your mind will have the tendency to wander off into bizarre emotional caves from it. Sorry to say, the best thing for you to curl up to this week is a good book.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You can’t give anyone you world right now, but you don’t have to feel bad about it. There is no reason you own anything to anybody, other than yourself right now. Best to rethink commitments you‘ve made and really sort out your emotions in a way that has you feeling good about yourself and back in control. If you can do this on a solo getaway, book the trip right now!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You shouldn’t have to pretend all is right in your world, no matter whom you’re trying to mislead. The fact is it’ll catch up to you. Besides, there’s no reason to hide the foibles that fill your life, as those are the things that up your steaminess, as it’s the things that challenge you that make you hot — as least in the eyes of the man candy you have on the hook now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

The friendship part of your love life will be your priority this week, as the focus will turn to the companionship part of your relationship and has you relearning what you found so endearing about the other in the first place. Not to say sex won’t be a part of your week, but certainly not the grand prize.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Apologies from a bonehead from your past will be the highlight of your week, but not so much the satisfaction you’ll win from the obvious grovel, but because you realize how little this will mean to you at the end of the day and how far you’ve come from the seemingly endless torture you once felt over this moronic someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Having high-flying ideals and talking a big game isn’t sexy, unless you back it up. As much as you feel and say you want to do what you want, talking won’t make them happen, nor will thinking about it. Action is on the agenda and if you want to save face, this will mean hopping onto the bucking bronco and riding it into the wild unknown.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The secrets you think you’ve hidden aren’t as inconspicuous as you think and the lies will come out. Drama, heavy emotion and all the mysterious things that have power over you will unravel, throwing you into crisis mode. Whatever, karma is a bitch and you’ll have to deal, but at the least, look forward to a short recovery time.

For The Week Of April 6-12, 2009

Kiki TApril 6, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As the sign of efficiency, you tend to just assume the job of caretaker, navigator, events coordinator, etc. Hell honey, that is no way to live! Lucky for you, your baby is going to see it that way too and decide to get off his lazy little entitled butt (and without being told too) and work up a nice surprise for you, as in showing that he’s in for the ride too.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re a true romantic and god knows, everyone loves you for it. However, life isn’t working so great from that point of view, which means you’re going to have to kick a little more ass to get things going in the direction you want them to be in. Yes, this means dealing with those daily little responsibilities that get in the way of daydreaming.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Whoever is the one that is closest to you will be the one that’ll reveal many more thoughts and feelings inside them than you ever suspected was brewing behind that placid façade. Yes, emotions will be running high this week as your comfort zone gets shaken up with a little more fire, which if wielded properly will heat you up to prime tasting temperatures.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your caution will be on, as things you hear and feelings you have will be slowing you down to question the current scene you are in. Not to say you will be horrified, but with life having steamrolled you out into the place you are now, it’s been a while since you’ve had any real time to collect yourself — this week though, tune yourself back to full sharpness.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

No matter what your boo says to you, you’re the one with the brains in this relationship and it’s you that will have to also deal with your current dilemma and digging yourself out from the wreckage. Thankfully, he’ll be on board for whatever you have on the agenda — as he should have been all along.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

As smart as you think you are, your baby isn’t going to be buying any of your reasons or ideas for future plans right off the bat. Yes, this week is all about standstills, creating all sorts of aggravating and cheeky tensions. So, if you’re as bright as you think you are, twist this power for your gain, to get what you want and prove who the real master is.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your mind will be floating on a marshmallow cloud and all will seem dreamy and creamy, as love is the drug that takes you higher and higher. No matter what all the naysayers have to say, screw ‘em! This is your time to feel so pretty and even if your world comes crashing down soon after, this moment of bliss would still be worth it.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ve made your mistakes, now, time to deal with them. If this means a little groveling, well that might just be the ticket to turn on that special someone that you’ve wronged in that tingly way that’ll make them swoon with a glimmer of hope for you. However, fate is on patrol and to truly get back into the game, it’s going to take more than just fast fixes, but true patience.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You don’t have to have all the answers all the time, but if you can just flub it and sound like you can hold your own, for now, that is all that will be required of you. Yes, efficiency is the theme and as long as you can keep the motion in a forward direction, then karma will pick up and shuffle you along onto the right path accordingly. You know it, just look pretty.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re no dummy and for that, accept that when someone cute crosses your path with no game, it means no potential. Yes, as sad as it is, you’re way past just getting off on one-dimensional hotness. While it might be fun to string it along, why waste the time? There are so many better ways to spend your time than feeding your ego on empty calories — like feeding your wallet.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Get ready for a deluge of emotions you’ve been putting off to finally hit you and throw your balance majorly off. Instead of throwing yourself a grand pity party though, use it to resort your mind and get your priorities back in order — and remembering you have friends, because it goes, true love isn’t about only playing master and servant.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sweet promises have a way of hypnotizing you and leading you to follow wherever those sounds are coming from. This week though, a major pause is going to be happening as you size up the actions versus the words, and it might seem that the equation won’t balance out in your favor, which only means one thing — taking back control big time!

For The Week Of March 30-April 5, 2009

Kiki TMarch 30, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

They’ll be all sort of strange panics you’ll be having over your sex life, but don’t give into it much, as it’s all a state of mind. As long as you keep your eye on the prize, and avoid getting too emotional about your current circumstances, you will come out fine. After all, why add more pressure on yourself? This time around, let fate show you what its got.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your honey is only human and if you expect anything more than mediocre this week, you’ll be setting yourself up for a fall. Sure, he’ll be able to say all the right things, but doing them won’t be hitting the mark. Instead of defining your whole relationship on this week, be vigilant and don’t forget the past. Of course, if none of it adds up, then this is the week to subtract.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Bitching and moaning might be what you feel, but if you want that someone to come save your day, you’re going to have to seize your independence, go that holier than thou route and act as if you know it all. Your cockiness will translate well and draw him in like flies to honey. However, when all is said and done, don’t worry, bitching and moaning will also have its place and time.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You can’t help yourself from jumping on a good thing when you see it, but do beware than you have the tendency to flip flop your emotions just as fast and this time around someone’s heart will be on the line and unless you want to be responsible for a major disaster, think hard before promising anything beyond this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you’re a cohabitator, this is the week to tell your roomie to put in those extra hours at work, because your inner beast will be out in full force. Yes, moodiness will strike you at your homiest, making you bite off the head of anyone who can’t get with your program. So, unless your baby is completely whipped, tell him to run for cover.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Don’t read too much into anything you hear this week when it comes to love or sex, because chances are you’ll be adding in a lot more spice and chaos that the situation is asking for and in turn, making yourself your own worst enemy. Sure, being a little suspicious is always good, but in all things, think moderation. This time around, what you hear is really what you get.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The hell with debt; sometimes throwing money at a problem is the lesser of the evils and as this week pulls you through an emotional roller coaster that has you wondering where you’re going in the long term, the only way to come to a decent conclusion is pamper yourself like crazy and have the answers arise in the wake of your calm.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your heart and mind are going to skitz out in opposite directions, but if you’re going to trust one, make it your mind. In terms of love, you’ll have no sense of right and wrong if you are lead by emotions and that will get you manipulated in the wrong way. However, if you’re prudent, your brains will get you through and prove to whomever that you’re not a bitch to be messed with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

There is a fine line between devotion and being a doormat, this week be able to step back from your relationship and understand the distinction between the two. If need be, consult one of your closest and most outspoken friends and ask their opinion. If anything, that extra dose of tough love will prove to be the perfect antidote.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Being friends first doesn’t mean your prospect is a dog or thinks you’re one. Not every relationship needs to begin with mind-blowing sex games and avoiding each other on deeper levels. Yes, sometimes people are just that genuine and want to jump your bones for something more than just the superficial and that isn’t a bad or boring thing, if it’s done right.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Being able to talk a big game and being able to bring it are two very different things and unless you are willing to step back and let this latest boy toy prove his thing, you might never know unless its too late what he truly is capable of. Not to say you have to set him up, but if he truly is on the up and up, then it’ll be obvious fast.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Taking big risks bring big fears, but don’t let that rule you. Set a major plan in motion, like a possible long distance love affair or even just a big vacation, either or, ditching everything you know for what you don’t in some capacity will lead to extreme pleasures that’ll be lighting up your mind and body with incomprehensible delights.

For The Week Of March 23-29, 2009

Kiki TMarch 23, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You never know where the surprises are going to occur this week, so best to just pay attention to your instincts and take those seedy mystery rides when you can, because this is the time when you will be in for an experience that you never quite had before, as it’ll expand your imagination to enter (and enjoy) realms you thought were only for freaks.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With all the demands your baby will be making on you this week, it’ll be one of those times you’ll have to go deep into yourself and remind yourself why you love him. Sure, it won’t be easy to maneuver yourself amid the minefield of aggravation he’ll be planting, but as you know, to all your ups there has to be some downs.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Whatever routines you have going on, forget them. They won’t be working for you and the last thing that’ll get you off is anything familiar. Yes, take on whatever new challenges come your way or seek edgier opportunities, as that is what’ll give your mind and body the ultimate thrills to really get off on.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Emotions and the intellect can operate in two completely erratic ways. What you crave with your heart doesn’t always strike a cord in your mind. This week, expect to feel torn between two sides of yourself as they fight to find a common ground on someone new that comes into your life that almost fits perfectly, but just doesn’t quite make the mark.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mounting sexual frustrations don’t have to be a burden anymore, if you can just stop being so hard on the prospects. Not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but getting a bit more creative in your approach can open up side to others that you didn’t think existed and in turn, can open you up in just the way to cure what ails.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ll have just the right words to turn it out with that special someone, but the problem will be you won’t be in such the mood to do all that you say. Sure, you can tease all you want, but do have some mercy. While playing this part is a role you were born for, realize the whole point is to eventually provide some sort of release. Don’t reap what you can’t sow.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Home might be where you heart is, but that isn’t where your body should lay. When it comes to your new piece, don’t rush getting too personal too quickly, as you know your compassion sometimes has an aggravating way of leading you to charity dating. For now, work the social angles first to sort out if there is anything worthy to be revealed behind closed doors.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be feeling your power and working to enforce it. While this can bode well for you in career, friendship and with money, in love this won’t be in your favor. Judgments you make now and actions you take won’t be as you’d wish, but rather completely backwards. If you want anything sexy to happen this week, sorry to say, it’ll have to be with yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your idealism is a fab world of horny sensations, but don’t be too shy in keeping them all in your head. Don’t shrug off ongoing fantasies, thinking they have to be just that — because at this moment, you are in a prime position to cross your reality with a little bit of your dream world, as the one you’ve got holding on is just the lead that will play out your needs properly.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A friendship gets a dash of intrigue, as some bonding moment will take a PG point of view into a total Rated R one. Although you will want to act impetuously, know there are repercussions that can be positive and negative and weighing out the options is necessary if you want to explore the matters to your advantage. In other words, keep your panties on for now and think.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Intimidation is no turn-on. See a bully for who they are and don’t think you have to offer up any compassion or integrity to get him to do as you say, because if you give them an inch they will want a foot. Stand up for yourself this week and enforce your authority on yourself. This is the time for your ego to have its day.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

To get off on a whole new level, you’re going to have to let loose and let spontaneity do with you what it will. Action and adventure are on the agenda, but it’ll be more about the craziness of random events that’ll be stirring up your life and imagination than anything emotional. So that means yes to a period of wild sex, but no to romantic love.

For The Week Of March 16-22, 2009

Kiki TMarch 16, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

So what if you’re feeling a littler pushier this week and you want your baby to get off his ass and start doing more with himself than just turning into a parasite? This is not the time to be too sympathetic to anyone’s plight, but your own. Get the balance back in your own mind and screw the rest. If you can’t teach by example, consider it a lost cause.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your anal energy will be going up a few notches, but this will be a perfect time to start using this special power to screen your life through and see what is basically adding or subtracting from the equation. Yes, this is your time to organize and gain maximum efficiency over all your matters and realize you can dominate.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Forget making plans, as they’ll only create expectations and a downward spiral to your current state of bliss. Best to just hop on this ride and take it where it will, as trying to make any predictions will only slow you down and prove nothing. Surprises are best when they actually are allowed to be surprises.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Everyone, even you, needs a little love and tenderness once in a while and for that, this is your perfect time to settle into a calmer state of mind and go private for just a few. If attached, this will give you time to get back in sync with your honey in a more familial way. If you’re single, this will give you space to get sense of clarity that’s been lacking.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let your mind wander and take you off to a fairy never land where all is perfect and sweet and the way reality should be, if you were in control. While this isn’t going to turn out a miracle, this will help you get a greater sense of what you need to learn and how you need to step it up. Yes, dare to go off the beaten path and realize there is way more than meets the eye.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Get you party dress on and your ass out there. Prospects will be out by the droves, as there’ll be many places and faces that can bring on several positive opportunities for you — not just ones to get laid, but ones to move you up the ladder of success. The catch though, you’ll have to be the one to make that first move.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Enough is enough and all that bugs you will be no longer, as you won’t be the same compassionate lady you were just a few days ago. No, this week, it’s a change of plans, as life literally goes from bottom to top — as in you wielding a new sense of confidence to realize taking no bull and prisoners is your best suited style.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Get ready to hear lots of whining from your baby and be ready with the tough love. Sure, at first you might want to go the nurturing route, but soon enough you’ll learn that it won’t be of much use. To make the most of it, use this time to get in touch with your more creative side or at least, your more peacefully reclusive one.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your need to be social will resemble a manual car driven by someone who doesn’t know a thing about stick shift. Yes, emotions will be pulling you back and forth, making you wonder if you’re borderline personality. No matter, expect to feel crazy, and with that, be aware that fleeting love affairs are just part of this phase, so be careful of promising anything more than just a night.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your ambition will be going into overdrive and there won’t be anyone that can stop you on your mission. So, whatever your deepest desire is and what you think will make you feel like Queen of the hill, have it consume you over the next few weeks because this is the time come hell or high water you’re going to get what you want.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Who cares about always trying to take the high road; sometimes taking the lowest and sleaziest way is the one that’s best for you. After all, aspiring to be sweet (fake) all day can only make you so satisfied. This time around, dig deeper into your gut and realize that some grimy honesty is just what the doctor ordered.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sex is a metaphor of a relationship; so if you’re not getting the thrill ride of your life, reconsider being on the love installment plan. Besides, there’s no reason you can’t be friends; after all, friends are is the category of people you admire, but don’t want to screw — which seems to be the area he fits in more and more. Admit it and get back on with your bad self.

For The Week Of March 9-15, 2009

Kiki TMarch 9, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Embrace your independence, because as of right now, that will be the only thing that will lead you back to sanity. If you spend too much time listening to your honey go on and on about whatever he thinks is right, you will eventually start questioning yourself — and darling, no need for that. You’re right, he’s wrong. Give it time, you’ll get to say, “I told you so.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If it sounds like guilt, feels like guilt, know it as guilt. Don’t feel bad for decisions you have to make for you, because this is your life and you’re entitled to feel as happy as you want to. For anyone that doesn’t see it that way, know they have no place in their life, no matter how deep your history goes with them or how good you want to view them.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is finally heading to new heights of fun, bringing back your optimist — hallelujah! Go ahead, make up fantasies and get lost in. Dream up all fantastical scenarios to go head over heels on. While they might not happen, the inspiration alone is worth ODing on because through it, other great accomplishments will come through and no matter what, will land you on your feet.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Keeping your composure will be your biggest task this week, as someone who thinks himself as an authority figure will spout off information that’s not his to share, putting you in an uncomfortable position. Sure, we all put our foot in our mouths, but if there’s no remorse, that is when you know that person as a jerk and to make necessary steps to avoid further incrimination.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let loose and have a little more fun than usual. This means putting that nagging disciplined voice of yours on mute and taking on a more devil may care attitude, as it’ll be the times you feel trouble coming on that’ll put you in the most prime place to get that little somethin’-somethin’ that’ll give you your groove back.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to sharing, you might be its poster child, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Face it, being generous can be a thankless job, especially if you are dealing with spoiled patrons that don’t seem to get that your kindness is not a right, but a privilege. Of course, being a martyr without anyone asking isn’t required either; so think twice before opening yourself up too much.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

They’ll be no holding you back when it comes to airing out your opinions. Seems somewhere along this week, you’re going to snap and let all the venom ooze out of you until you get your point of contention in its place. While this might burn a bridge, feel relief that you’ve crossed it enough times to never have to go back anyway.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Any paranoids you have in regard to health issues, deal with them now. Otherwise, your paranoia this week will be heighten to a new level of dysfunction, putting you in a ringy state of mind that won’t only make you a bitch to everyone around you and a self sabotaging maniac to yourself. Yes save yourself by dealing with obvious priorities.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good news is on the way. Chances are a friend will have something interesting for you, which is a direct win for you or can inadvertently set you onto a path that will lead you to something you’ve been wishing for. Whichever the case, this will mean having to listen closely and even in-between the lines if you must. However, once you hear what you need, it’ll be obvious.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde will be flip-flopping all over themselves, trying to get in face time with everyone you know, making you one crazy mixed bag of nuts. Of course, chances are you have an odd variety of people around you, making it easy to pick out the freaks that get off on this kind of thing. After all, why waste this level of insanity on just yourself?

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When it comes to basic communications with others, you’re going to have to take the high route — perhaps so high, that you might have to walk over them to get to a new plateau. To say the least, they’ll be several occasions where someone you thought had a chance will start talking out of their ass and if you don’t take it as a sign, you will only have yourself to blame.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will be many things that’ll irritate you beyond belief this week, but this isn’t the time to express anger back. Best to just see these misgivings for what they are and quietly mark them down as points against these wrongdoers. When the time is right and with the proper strategy, you will be able to unload, move ahead of these twits and get back to where you belong — on top.

For The Week Of March 1-7, 2009

Kiki TMarch 2, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you and you’re feeling like you’re being lead into the wrong direction, pay attention. Your intuition will be on and if you trust it, it’ll save you from a pending disaster. Stop thinking you have to make any more excuses to get by, because there is no more time to waste.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Forget trying to get on the same page as your partner. Emotional unrest is going to be a part of the week, as the past will come back to haunt. Feel free to take that jaunt down memory lane, if you are indeed the one to get that calling, as this is the time to exorcise those demons once and for all. If it is him, just sit back and let things happen as they will, things will fall back into place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A monkey wrench is going to be thrown into your routine, causing all sorts of delays and tipping off a few bizarre psychological hang-ups and even uncovering a few you didn’t know. To say the least, it’s a week of startling revelations of discovering you aren’t as brazen as you come across and that your tender side speaks way louder to the one that matters.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Just as you go cruising along, living on the crest of this wave of happiness, down comes reality and washes it all away. Not to say what’s left behind is bad, just tougher to deal with than what you’ve acclimated yourself too. Yes, the honeymoon is over and now it’s time to start dealing with the important stuff — your ego.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

When it comes to changing anything up in your home life, don’t. Making impetuous decisions won’t be in your favor. Best to consider options and make sure when you are acting out of determination, not desperation. If you must do anything, move important tasks onto other territory, as it’s fine to do other things, like taking a vacation or a spa day.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Any last minute info you hear, ignore it. While news may shake you up, most of the time it’ll be a false alarm. Panic is just part of this phase, but with no real outcome. Think of it as the universe testing your preparations for emergencies, as thinking fast on your feet is skill you’re going to have to hone to be able to get you off of them in the near future.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Slowly, sluggishness will creep into your brain, but don’t let it kill your motivation on long-term goals. While there’ll be some second-guessing going on, approach it as reworking, rather than demolishing. As you should know you are an extreme lady, but not everything is always so black and white, so this week, consider those grays.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

With love, you can’t always know immediately if you’ve made the right choice. This week though, payback starts to come around and gives you peace of mind you haven’t had in ages. Lucky are you to see the one you once would of pledged your heart unconditionally to turn out to be such a loser — karmic satisfaction 100% guaranteed.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life happens in cycles and if you’ve been feeling as if you are on a never-ending treadmill of tedium and angst, things are finally going to switch — however, into reverse, so hold on tight. This means the universe is going to open up Pandora’s Box in some way and throw a little craziness into the mix, which can make you appreciate the finer points of boredom.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Love or another meaningless fling is your perfect escape, as aggravation with friends will be the culprit of your duress. They’ll irritate to the point of wanting to erase all your contact info and start anew. While you’ll have reason to feel this way, it doesn’t mean you’re perfect either. There is always a cause to every effect and to think your best on this matter, it’ll require a little sweat.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You may want to rethink your sense of entitlement, because what you think you deserve isn’t even the prize that is up for grabs. A dose of humility will do wonders for you over the next several weeks, as you start seeing the path you are heading on isn’t the one you thought it might be — not to say it’s bad, just different.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Despite all the efforts you’ve put into helping another live a happier and more productive life; gratitude will be a rare commodity. While you can’t teach class to everyone, you can sympathize that they’ll never be as perfect as you and then rethink the extent of what you are giving. To be where you truly want to be, it means directing things on a two-way street.

For The Week Of February 22-28, 2009

Kiki TFebruary 23, 2009 //

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Clicking with that special someone will make you feel as if you’re on top of the world. Having gone through many trials and too many tribulations, why be shy to express your feelings? Go ahead; indulge in all the silly things that being in love means, drawing hearts, special ring tones — because if ever there were a time to gush, it’s now.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your management skills go under the wire again, as your honey once again hits a rocky patch. While you can’t be everywhere at once, being fast on your feet and honing your organizational skills is required. Sure, detouring chaos at a moment’s notice sucks, but perhaps this when you should start paying attention to these repetitious cycles and the cause and effect.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Finally, romance comes back into your life in a big way, reminding you once again why you are the sign of sex. Although it’ll feel like a glass of water after a long walk in the desert, pace yourself; more options are set to come — and although you might have made your pick already, there will be nothing wrong or hotter than letting your decision stew.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Stop putting off that phone call you know you should of made ages ago. This is your last time to redeem yourself to a wronged lover and it’s in your best interest not to let this chance go to waste. You’ll find distance has made the heart grow fonder and in this case, it’ll be in your favor as this is the time to wipe your marred karmic slate clean.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’ve always been realistic about your finances, perhaps a little too much so. This week, loosen up the slack and see that opening up those purse strings can now buy you a few adventures and opportunities that are priceless. If you’re attached, this means a mountain retreat weekend f*ck-fest; if single, this means a beach resort weekend f*ckfest.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Not everyone is out to get you and the sooner you realize that being angry isn’t the only way to get attention or feel edgy, the closer you’ll be to a place where unsettling drama isn’t the commodity and good times are. Seriously, the only thing that’s going down on you with these theatrics is your stock.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A breath of fresh air is coming, as you’ll be seeing your way out of a sticky situation that you thinking you had no power. Seems now, there is nothing to lose when it comes down to being as bad as you want. So whip out the leather, put on your most dramatic f’ck me heels and lay down the law, because no one will be getting off quite the same anymore.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your compassion will be rearing its little head, making you act in ways that’ll surprise someone close to you. While it might not be turning over a new leaf completely, it’ll at least shake up preconceived notions he had about you. Seems he’ll be able to understand that sweet soft spot of yours a little easier and wanting to touch it just a little bit more too.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

As you know, relationships are never perfect and as much as you’d like to think you’ve behaved properly throughout your affairs, there are always two sides to every story. With a reunion seeming inevitable, do look both ways before crossing that line. However, know that when you do, come out with both arms fighting.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

With your love life seeming a bit dubious these days, best to put your energy somewhere else. So, if you’ve been dabbling with the idea of being your own boss or some sort of big career move, go for it. The stars are aligned for you, lighting a new path, one in which you won’t have to keep looking over your shoulder. Enter this new direction and magic will follow.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Relish in your freedom, because if you don’t see that you control your fate, you might find yourself guilted into actions that are sub par in the happiness and self-satisfaction category. Sure, help if someone deserves it, but to just dole it out thinking you owe it to anyone — hell no! Being a good person doesn’t mean being obedient.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week, a situation will appear that’ll put your intelligence, savvy and charisma to the test. How you handle this situation will prove to be a major factor in your future. Don’t feel ashamed to ask questions or move slowly. In fact, the more deliberate your pace, the more exciting the build up and in this case, a little mystery will go a long way.