This ad for Weight Watchers “Smart Ones” frozen meals popped up before a YouTube video I was watching, and I actually had to watch it twice all the way through to realize it wasn’t some kind of satire or parody. Unfortunately, it’s real. And it’s terrible.
“We brought women like you together in Times Square,” reads the opening title, over a whimsical soundtrack. “It was time to ‘fess up.” This is followed by women (only women, no men) sheepishly admitting to the camera that they like buttered popcorn, or that they once ate cake frosting for breakfast, or that they have a weakness for mini cupcakes. Their confessions are shown on a huge screen in Times Square for all to see (while the women cover their faces in shame), before being digitally erased and replaced with a message: “Congratulations, you now have a clean slate!” Women are then shown cheering and triumphantly holding up empty plates, which they are presumably only to fill with microwavable, highly processed meals from now until eternity. Or maybe, in an ideal world, they just wouldn’t eat at all?
Weight Watchers, I have three words for you: Fuck. This. Noise. Here’s why: Keep reading »
I used to think people who got really worked up over TV series finales were a little insane. What could possibly prompt someone to spend days crying real tears over characters that don’t even exist? Why would viewers get so delusional as to believe a show’s writers and producers owed them something?
But then “How I Met Your Mother” broke my heart last night. Keep reading »
“I’m sooo busy!”
I’m soooo over this phrase. So over it I want to throw something when a person says it. Usually at them. I’m sooo busy is code for, “I don’t care enough about you to remember to text or call or see you.” Telling someone you’re sooo busy isn’t an excuse. It’s an insult.
You know who’s busy? Doctors. Doctors are busy. You know who else? New mothers. I would not trade places with them for a minute. Everyone else? Nope. You’re really not that busy.
We all want to think we’re that busy. But, we’re usually busy playing Candy Crush or perusing other people’s “busy” lives on Facebook or watching “Scandal.” We’ve become too lazy to pick up the phone and get back to someone. Keep reading »
On my way into work this morning, I had the displeasure of walking behind two women who, in each of their hands not clutching their coffee, held leashes that were harnessed to their respective children. Not dogs — children. The woman on the left had three kids, all on individual leashes, and the woman on the right had one child. All of the children appeared to around age five or younger. I am not a parent, and so I generally shy away from expressing my opinions about other peoples’ parenting choices, but if there is one thing that makes my blood boil, it’s parents who treat their children like they’re animals. And in my opinion, strapping a harness around a child’s belly and keeping them on a leash, even if it’s a leash meant for a human, is coming pretty damn close. Keep reading »
What to say, oh, what to say about an anonymous Thought Catalogue essay that starts, “From the beginning we knew our relationship looked like a cliché—perhaps plucked from a boring episode of ‘Mad Men.’ You, my 21-year-old millennial intern, me, your 30-something married boss with two kids”?
“To The Millennial I Left For My Wife (And 8 Parting Words Of Advice)” is a hate-read from the first line. Sadly, it only gets much, much more hate-able as it goes on. I don’t mean to spoil the surprise for you, but this wannabe modern day Don Draper leaves his wife and two kids for his millennial intern. They have a few great “magical” and “addictive” weeks together “dancing on the dock of a river” and stealing kisses in an elevator. But soon, everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Why? Oh, because “serious differences emerged from the shadows” and “common backgrounds also forged common problems.” God, I HATE when that happens. Keep reading »
First, let me say that I didn’t watch the Super Bowl for a couple of reasons: 1) I don’t like watching football, even though I’ve tried, and 2) I’ve discovered that it’s the absolute best time to run errands in New York City. No lines! I did, however, see the Go Daddy “I Quit” commercial featuring Gwen, a machine engineer who always dreamed of starting her own puppet business. One hundred million people, including Gwen’s boss Ted, saw her quit her job during the Super Bowl to start PuppetsByGwen.com. “Ciao, baby!” said Gwen, voicing one of her puppets. Keep reading »
Oh for fuck’s sake, fine, I’ll respond to the click-baiting article about yoga on xoJane. A writer going by the name of Jen Caron (her real name, Jen Polachek, was removed as the byline following the backlash to her article) has written the following essay: “It Happened To Me: There Are No Black People In My Yoga Classes And I’m Suddenly Uncomfortable With It.” Caron is a self-described “skinny white girl” and what “happened to” her is a “fairly heavy black woman” attended her yoga class and seemingly had a difficult time with some of the poses. Obviously, Caron writes, the fat Black woman who isn’t as “good” at yoga must resent her, in all her skinny white yogic glory, and this (utterly imagined) racially-charged tension made Caron uncomfortable. But the discomfort, the ruined yoga class, was worth it because isn’t her essay about it brave and compassionate? Jen Caron cares. Keep reading »
When Cameron Diaz came out against laser hair removal and waxing pubic hair, I thought she was drawing attention to her new book, The Body Book, and pube talk would disappear in a 24-hour news cycle. She called a lady’s bush “a pretty draping that makes it a little mysterious to the one who might be courting your sexiness” and warned laser fans that “all fads change, people.” It seemed like brain junk food — celebrity + sexy body part = pageviews! Instead, she seems to have incited a domino effect.
We’re only three weeks into January and here is most of the press coverage pubic hair has gotten this year. UK’s Guardian declared 2014 “the year of the bush.” Then an American Apparel store mannequin had pubic hair peeking out of her undies. YourTango wrote that pubes are “making a comeback.” The Wire declared “The Pubic Hair Renaissance Is Here.” Dame Magazine quipped “more and more women are letting their gardens grow.” Gaby Hoffmann’s character sprouted an enormous bush on the most recent episode of “Girls.” And now the fashion blog Styleite has an interview with a gynecologist about “the health benefits of bush.”
The tone of most of this coverage is a new twist in the fad of public hair styling: women who keep their pubes intact, or are “pro-bush.” What’s next, being “pro-eyelashes”? “Pro-elbows”? Keep reading »
Last week, I wrote about Jen Selter, a 20-year-old Long Island woman who supposedly has the “best butt on Instagram.” While Jen does indeed have a fantastic derriere, I was more interested in what she told the New York Post about her booty pics: they are inspiring. I quote: “If [my Instagram account] motivates people to get their butts up and go to the gym, why not?” Jen Selter’s mom echoed the same sentiment. “I’m very proud of her because this is a girl who didn’t want to go to college, and she was able to build up this social media in such a way that she has become famous and she is an inspiration and motivation for so many people,” her mom said.
There are a few other fitness buffs who’ve called themselves inspirational to other women. A few months ago, Lea-Ann Ellison drew the Internet’s ire for posing for photos doing Crossfit training while eight months pregnant, specifically lifting heavy weights. In a post on Facebook, she wrote:
I can’t believe this photo has caused this much stir but it makes me hopeful that it will inspire other strong healthy moms to continue on doing what they love. Pregnancy is not an illness! Get it Moms!
Then, of course, there is Maria Kang, a mother of three young children who posted a picture of herself in a bikini alongside her kids with the tag line, ‘What’s your excuse?’ “I wanted to inspire people,” Maria told Yahoo Shine. “I wanted to say, ‘I know you think you don’t have time if you have kids. But if I can do it, you can do it, too.’” Keep reading »