You know that awkward stage between acquaintance and friend? That in flux place where you chat whenever you happen to run into each other but never make actual plans to see one another? I am there a lot. I meet someone and we hit it off, but then what? We become Facebook friends? How do you really turn a few fun chats at the coffee machine into an actual friendship? Well, luckily for you I have often been in new situations where I didn’t know a single soul, so I have been forced to cast aside my shyness and forge ahead to build new friendships. Here are my tried and true techniques for turning a casual acquaintance into a friend… Keep reading »
Yesterday, my friend George* told me about an argument he had with his best friend Elliott. Elliott recently uploaded photos of his killer abs to a social networking site, so he was contacted by several women trying to hookup with him. And the other night, he was eager to meet one of these women. The only problem is he lives with the mother of his son, even though they’re not together, so he couldn’t bring the woman home. This is where George enters the picture. Elliott, who is in his 30s, not only expected George to turn his living room into a hot-sheet motel for the night, but also to pick him and the woman up, separately, because Elliott doesn’t drive. George didn’t give in to his demands. Keep reading »
I’m getting married in a little over two months, and though this is a happy, exciting time in my life, there’s a bittersweetness. It started when I moved to New York a year and a half ago to be with my boyfriend. Up until then, our relationship had been long-distance; he was in Manhattan, and I was in Chicago. Through daily phone calls and frequent trips back and forth, we fell in love while still maintaining solo lives in our respective cities. It was a unique experience to be in a fully committed relationship, but continue living the same single-girl life I’d known since my last serious relationship (minus all the unsuccessful dating, of course). When I wasn’t in New York or hosting my boyfriend in Chicago, my weekends were filled cultivating other relationships — those with my closest friends. Life was filled with wine-drenched, late-night talks, long bike rides along the lake, picnics in the park, afternoon shopping frenzies, potlucks, brunches, and impromptu sleep-overs — all with my single friends. Now that I’m fully immersed in “coupled life,” I realize I’ll probably never have friendships like those again.
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Recently, a reader asked “Dear Prudence” how to “unfriend” a friend:
How do you “unfriend” someone, not on Facebook, but in real life? This is a person who is also friendly with someone I know well, so it is not unlikely that we might all get together through our mutual friend. However, it might seem odd to the mutual friend that I no longer wish to associate with this person. I see both of them at work and we often eat lunch together. How should I handle this? My main reason for unfriending this person is a serious lack of boundaries on their part (constant evangelizing me to her religion, constant “invitations” which are hard to say no to, bad manners, etc.).
Once, I had a flaky friend. Whenever I’d call her or make plans with her, she’d have one of three excuses: she was too tired, she was sick with a headache or a stomach ache, or she would have to call me back, which almost never happened. I got the hint. Either she didn’t value our friendship or thought her time was more important than mine, and I decided she and I didn’t really need to be friends. While it’s hard to end a friendship, a bad one can be as destructive as an abusive relationship. Here’s the best way to “unfriend” a friend if you find yourself in a similar situation. Keep reading »
Girlfriend break-ups can be just as traumatizing as regular old break-ups with boys. The process is even similar: the anger, sadness, mourning, and finally, acceptance. While you may not have left precious clothes, expensive facial lotion, or significant jewelry at her house, you do feel like a real part of your soul missing as there’s really nothing like a good girlfriend. What exactly happens when we decide (or our friend decides) we’re just not a good fit anymore? Keep reading »
Last night on “Californication” (spoiler alert!), Hank Moody went out with his best friend’s ex. And she was not just any ol’ ex — according to his BFF Lew, she’s the girl that got away. But on that very same night, Lew snuck out on a date with Hank’s ex-wife. Scandalous! Well, (cough), you know, it happens. Back in high school I dated two best friends, one right after the other. What can I say, they were both damn sexy study hall tutors! And honestly, who wouldn’t say yes to getting felt up in the library?! But in the end, the boys dumped me to save their friendship. I’m kind of convinced that faux pas is still messing with my relationship karma. So, I have to admit, I was kind of relieved to see even these “Californication” man whores swap ladies like it ain’t no thang. It made me wonder how common that sort of situation is…. So, ladies, I ask you this question — have you ever dated a pair of friends?
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Being in a relationship can be a habit-changing experience. Your Friday nights scoping out the bar scene with your single friends has morphed into romantic dinners or movie night with your new boyfriend. So, how do you balance your new love life with your old social life? And most importantly, how do you not lose your friends?
Schedule, Schedule, Schedule: Scheduling “life” can be boring as hell…but as you get older and have more important people in your life, you realize it’s a necessary evil. Seeing your boyfriend on Friday night? Then schedule some much needed girl time on Saturday night. Is he doing something sweaty and active on Sunday (can we come??), then plan a girl brunch with lots of mimosas. But what happens if you live together? The same rules apply! If he has a standing date with the brahs to watch Monday night football at a bar, then make it girl’s potluck dinner at the love nest. Think of it as scheduling tango. Keep reading »
True friends understand you best and offer a solution or just a strong shoulder when life is at its worst. And they’re usually the first to celebrate with you when life is wonderful. But unfortunately, most songs are about trials of the heart not friendship. So we put together a list of our favorite friendship songs. After reading through the lyrics, call up your best homegirl and let us know in the comments which songs remind you of her. Keep reading »
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was released in theaters today, and this time around the women have been apart all year, but their summer plans will keep them separated. According to the film’s website, “Now it will take more than a hurried note…or even a treasured pair of pants passed back and forth among them to keep their lives connected.” But this got me thinking…Do friendship groups like The Sisterhood and Sex and the City, in which all the friends get along and are connected equally, exist in reality? In my experience, the answer is a resounding, “No.” Keep reading »