Tag Archives: friendships

What We Hate In Common

A new study found that mutual dislikes — rather than likes — help humans bond initially. “There’s something really powerful about the discovery of shared negative attitudes,” said Jennifer Bosson, the lead researcher on this study. She found that we tend to connect when we have a third entity to demean because it makes us feel as if we instinctively understand each other better.

I know this sounds awful, but I think nearly all of my long-lasting friendships (and some relationships) began this way. My childhood best friend and I met when I was accidentally seated next to the kid who picked his warts and ate them in first grade. I cried so hard that the teacher changed the seating chart. My new neighbor and I talked about how weird Wart Boy was and we’ve been friends ever since. I met my college best friend on the steps of my freshman dorm. An awful frat guy tried to make a pass at me and I made fun of him. She laughed. We became instant besties. I know we are taught to be nice and perky to make friends. But screw that. I will continue to form bonds over things I dislike. It’s more fun that way. [NY Mag] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Girlfriend Lets Her Friends Take Advantage Of Her”

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about two and a half years. The one problem I have is with my girlfriend’s friends and how they handle money. From everything I know, everyone is on pretty similar pay levels, but her friends always seem to be short on cash when they do stuff together. My girlfriend always covers everything, whether it’s drinks, dinners, or tickets to events, and gets defensive when I ask about it and says “it’s just a couple dollars between friends.” Recently, I’ve been getting short-changed by them, too. They will invite us out to a fancy restaurant, order up a storm of appetizers and bottles of wine, while I’m content with my single entrée and beverage, and then when the bill comes, they’ll suggest we split everything evenly, and then when it comes time to pay, what they’ve put in is about half of what their evenly divided portion should have been. I’ll offer to pay the remainder to avoid an issue, but it leaves me peeved. I can cover these financial indiscretions without problem since I’m better off financially than most in the group, but my girlfriend is saving up for a big trip soon, and can never seem to get out of debt, yet is still always paying for her friends and is mortally embarrassed when I threaten to call them out on it. Also, if I’m thinking about a long-term future with her, I’m afraid to have joint finances if she can’t seem to manage her own. — Need a Bail Out

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Dear Wendy: “My Guy Friend Wants To Sleep With Me”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss guy friends who want to take things to the next level, mercy-killing a relationship, and guilt over being “the other woman.” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Why I Forgave My Friend For Stealing From Me

There I was in the grocery, pressing the ends of a cantaloupe and sniffing it, trying to decide if it was ripe. Across the produce section, I spotted my landlord. I waved, a normal courtesy I extended the two times a year I happened upon him in real life. He left his cart, and came rushing towards me. As he came closer, I realized he was mad. “Why haven’t you paid your rent in four months?” he yelled.

I felt adrenaline surge through my body. What was he talking about? I always paid my rent. Never so much as a day late. Every month, a week before it was due, I wrote a check to my roommate and best friend, Leah*. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Can’t Handle Too Much Female Energy

I am 25 years old with lots of girlfriends and a sizable collection of purses. Reunions with old pals usually involve squeals or hefty grins and, yes, cute bunnies make me go “aww.” For some girls, these moments of elated feminine energy are non-stop, but I can only take small doses.    

A former tomboy, at 13 I was jumping in mud puddles (still am), and at 18, I was wearing torn jeans with paint spots. It wasn’t until I was 21 that I learned how to walk in high heels. Keep reading »

Do You Have Strictly Platonic Cross-Sex Friends?

Can men and women be just friends? If you ask any Hollywood film producer, the answer is a resounding “no.” Hollywood’s magic formula for success seems to take seemingly platonic friends, and make them “suddenly realize” how in love they are. (See: “When Harry Met Sally” for proof.) But what about real life? Are platonic friendships between men and women ever truly just that?

Stories of truly platonic relationships do exist: Witness our Jessica’s story of platonic friendship, after the jump… Keep reading »

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