I’ve gotten myself into a miserable situation with a good friend, who I’ll call Dave. We’ve known each other since we were kids and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve become close. I’ve always felt there was something more to us, but was never really sure, so I chalked it up to being bored with the lack of romance in my life. About a year ago, Dave made it obvious that he felt the same. The fact that we had been drinking and that he was recently single made me think that it wasn’t the best idea at the time. I explained that if our hookup wasn’t going to be anything substantial, it wasn’t worth risking our friendship over and he (glumly) agreed. The only problem is, he hasn’t dropped the idea. He’s now in a serious relationship but he still brings the idea of “us” up from time to time and at this point I have no idea what to do. I care about him a lot, more than I’ve been able to admit to anyone because I’m terrified that it could lead to something ending terribly. My girlfriends have told me that this situation is a waste of time, that if he really wanted to be with me he would and I wouldn’t be in this limbo and that I need to move on. They also say that if he talks to me like this while he’s in a relationship, is he even trustworthy? While my head thinks they could be right, my heart is torn. I worry that they’re right, but the thought of not being close with him anymore is devastating. How do I make this stop?
You talk a lot about your fears, but, honey, your fears are already happening.
You said you’re afraid of risking the friendship. Once mutual attraction was openly discussed, the friendship was compromised. You said you’re afraid of it ending terribly. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s going that great right now, otherwise you wouldn’t have written me. Lastly, you said you’re afraid of not being close to him. It sounds like there’s already heavy distrust and mixed signals flying around left and right. Welcome to your nightmare! Keep reading »
We’ve all been there: You meet someone where the chemistry is so on point that you can’t seem to resist getting into the tangled web that is friends with benefits. You know s/he’s wrong for you and you both know that a relationship is not going to be your happy ending. In fact, you may kill each other before that happens. Still, you can’t help texting them after a few glasses of wine at midnight every weekend … and you certainly haven’t been able to stop yourself from responding to their late night booty calls.
There have been many times in my life where my friends with benefits actually helped me through some serious droughts and dark times. Back when I was desperately, and I really mean desperately, looking for a job and found myself on the outs with my gal pals, the only messages that came to my phone were from potential employers giving me the “Sorry, you aren’t a good fit at this time” blues. In 2012, the only texts I looked forward to were from my trusty fuck buddy, who sent enticing compliments and even thoughtful “How was your interview?” check-ins. Of course, the real thrill was the racy sexting that occurred throughout my job hunt. Keep reading »
“Friends with benefits” might be one of the most complicated relationships you could possibly get yourself into. This kind of relationship typically starts off really fun and convenient (a best friend who you can make out with? SCORE!) but almost always, someone ends up getting feelings which results in ruining the friendship all together. Buzz kill.
But FWB doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. In fact, it could actually work if you follow these 8 rules. Read more on College Candy…
I’ve had a high sex drive since I was a teenager. Over the last 14 years, whether single or coupled up, I’ve been fortunate enough to never really go ‘sexless.’ In relationships— whether they last three months or three years— my libido generally maintains the momentum of that of the Energizer Bunny. I certainly don’t have a sex addiction, but it’s safe to say I am, and always have been, a pleasure enthusiast. So, when I’m single, that desire remains the same, but I tend to get my O’s from the sex toys that reside in a toolbox under my bed, as opposed to an actual human being. I think it might be time to change that. Keep reading »
We’ve all been there. Someone you were hot and heavy with will suddenly disappear, as if wiped from this earth, only to reappear in the form of a typo-laden text message one night while you’re doing a face mask in your sweatpants. Like that mosquito that you try endlessly to kill before going to sleep, this text irks you. Maybe you were bummed about the way things ended, and you’re considering entertaining this missive. Maybe you hate this person forever, but didn’t mind having sex with them and could be persuaded to do it again. Communication these days is so very tricky, but never fear, I am here for you. In this day and age, it can be difficult to figure out what precisely constitutes a booty call, and how exactly you should respond to it. Whatever your situation may be, you’re facing the age old question — is it a booty call or nah? Here are some situations you might find yourself in, along my expert assessment so that you might tackle these situations head on. Keep reading »
Nobody handles The Talk very well. Usually, it’s a stilted affair, capable of rendering even the most confidently grown to their pre-teen self, stuttering and drawing circles in the condensation left by their wineglass, assiduously avoiding eye contact. Defining the relationship, or DTR, if you’re of the ilk that favors cutesy acronyms, is a necessary evil, but something that not a single soul is very good at. The nature of modern dating is such that the traditional markers of what make a relationship real change every day and it can seem like there’s a decided lack of stability. It’s not as easy as getting someone’s letterman jacket and walking down Main Street to the soda fountain anymore. The way we date now easily lends itself to shirking real commitment. First dates in the traditional sense are replaced by weird group outings in which you attempt to get to know someone you made goopy eyes with at a bar while surrounded by a buffer three people deep, including his friends from college and that dude at work, Josh. It’s a honest miracle that anyone even makes it to The Talk, because the obstacle course that stands between you and a relationship is harrowing.
The fun doesn’t end once you’ve actually sat down and faced the person of your intent, with all your emotions out on the table. The kind of relationship you can neatly explain to your mom in a hastily composed text message is a thing of the past. It makes sense that the end result of a nebulous and frankly, confusing wooing process, is also difficult to pin down. With that in mind, here are some possible results of the dreaded Talk. Keep reading »