Gay-bashing can be tough work: just look at the trouble that the Florida Family Policy Council of Orlando, Florida, ran into while protesting a Miami judge’s decision to grant a lesbian couple the right to adopt a 1-year-old boy. Lesbians Vanessa Alenier and Melanie Leon (photo at right) have cared for the boy, the child of one of Alenier’s relatives, since he’d been removed from his birth parents by child welfare. And last month, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Maria Sampedro-Iglesia ruled that a Florida state law banning the gay couple from adoption the boy was “unconstitutional,” effectively awarding them custody.

Judge Sampedro-Iglesia’s decision did not sit well with the scaremongers — they got right to work lambasting her “arrogant judicial activism” in an email alert. Unfortunately, the lesbian adoptee moms were far too femme, smiley and “straight”-looking to scare the bejeezus out of homophobes. So the FFPC (which is affiliated with Focus on the Family) did some creative illustration and cooked up a faux-lesbian duo of butch women who “look” a lot more like stereotypical lesbians (see photo left) to presumably scare everyone away from gay adoption. Because, you know, butch lesbians can’t be good parents!

Klassy, right? [Orlando Sentinel, NBC Miami]

As if it wasn’t enough that Florida already has a ridiculously high number of female teachers who get down and dirty with male students, now they can add another shady teacher headline to the list of indiscretions. After high school biology teacher Tiffany Shepherd was fired last year when some racy bikini pics of her on a boat surfaced, she thought it would all just blow over and that she’d be able to get another teaching job. After sending out 2,500 resumes to the sound of crickets chirping, Tiffany decided to take her teaching career in ... another direction. She’s starring in a porno. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you squeeze them into porn lemonade, right?

It seems like I keep seeing more and more news about teacher/student affairs…especially ones involving female teachers and their young male students. As a former high school teacher, this whole scenario never gets less despicable and disgusting to me. I know first hand how close you can become with your students and how much testosterone teenage boys have. It’s outrageous. Were there a few awkward moments when 17-year-old boys hit me on at school dances? Yes. But seriously, when you are a teacher, you are entrusted with a serious duty—the safety and well being of your students. Every fiber of a non-psycho teacher’s being knows that crossing sexual boundaries is the weirdest, wrongest possible scenario. But it’s still happening. Especially in the state of Florida. Huh?

CNN has a fascinating and heartbreaking story of a girl who posted a video on YouTube alleging that she was raped. In the video, a 16-year old girl cries, “Hi, my name is Crystal ... I need some help. I didn’t want to do it this way, but it’s the only way I know that’s going to work, that someone out there in the world is gonna listen to me.” It seems Crystal, who did go the police about her sexual assault, decided to bring her story to YouTube after her case was dropped by her State Attorney’s office.

Some lawmakers in Florida are hoping to make it illegal for motorists to dangle fake bull testicles from the back of their vehicles. These novelty items, sold under names like “Truck Nutz,” and come in many colors, as shown above. While the Florida Senate voted to ban the fake testicles, the House version of a broader transportation bill does not include such a proposal. The anti-bull testicle bill’s [Say that five times fast!—Editor] sponsor doubts it will succeed. You know what? He needs to get some balls. [Reuters and TruckNutz.com]

Drinking a cap-full of bleach will not stop the spread of HIV/AIDS. It will, however, turn your insides into mulch. Guess they didn’t teach teens in Florida that in abstinence education class. [ABC Action News]

Hide your barely legal daughter, the Girls Gone Wild CEO is out of jail. After 11 months in prison, Joe Francis is as free as a drunk sorority girl at Mardi Gras. He posted $1.5 million dollars bond in Reno and will now stand trial for tax evasion in Florida. However that’s just the tip of the charges. What started as 73 indictments in Panama City for taping underage spring breakers has crumbled to only four felony and two misdemeanor charges and a civil suit by a group of seven women.  The thirty-five year old millionaire claims the women lied about their ages and his lawyers promised none of their footage was used. He refuses to settle out of court because he insists his actions are all within the letter of the law and the judge was biased because his former business partner was the prosecuting attorney. So what’s our verdict? Legal mumbo jumbo aside, those chickadees did sign a contract in their urge to get on camera and now he’s paying the price for their 15 minutes.  Sure it’s sad and gross that this is the way he makes his millions, but technically it’s legal. You can read the full sob story on Francis’ website. We doubt you’ll feel sorry for him—we don’t—but the whole mess seems like one enormous battle of the boobs. [Beijing News]