Tag Archives: florida

Real-Life Goldilocks Arrested After Falling Asleep During A Break-In

Pantsless Criminals
8 Criminals Who Were Caught With Their Pants Off
Eight criminals who were caught with their pants off. Read More »
Real-Life Goldilocks Arrested After Falling Asleep During A Break-In

Having your house broken into is hardly what anyone would consider a “fairytale,” but when the burglar in question falls asleep on your couch after taking a shower, changing into your clothes and eating your food, it sounds an awful lot like one fairytale in particular. Meet Chancy Layton, 19, Florida’s (where else?) own real-life Goldilocks! Layton broke into a home in St. Augustine late last week, after being told by a friend that the house would be empty, and set about making herself comfortable.

Too comfortable Keep reading »

Florida Governor Signs Anti-Abortion Law

todays lady news
  • Florida Governor Rick Scott signed a law criminalizing a second- or third-trimester abortion after a doctor has determined a fetus could survive outside the womb. The law also removes the woman’s psychological distress as an exception for such an abortion.  [AP]
  • The United States Senate is expected to approve $41 million to test thousands of rape kits — used to collect DNA evidence following a sexual assault — gathering dust in crime labs. [Feminist.org]
  • The South Carolina state legislature is punishing colleges which assigned books about LGBTQ issues for summer reading by requiring the schools to now teach United States founding documents. They realize the Constitution doesn’t say anything about gays, right? [AutoStraddle] Keep reading »

It Happened In Florida: Woman Busted With 7 Stolen Lobster Tails Stuffed Down Her Pants (And She’s A Juggalo!)

Pantsless Criminals
8 Criminals Who Were Caught With Their Pants Off
Eight criminals who were caught with their pants off. Read More »
It Happened In Florida: Woman Busted With 7 Stolen Lobster Tails Stuffed Down Her Pants (And She's A Juggalo!)

Never change, Florida, never change. Meet Nichole Ann Reed, a 30-year-old Juggalo (whose Facebook says her most recent job was “eating them” at “The Dark Carnival”) who was recently busted by security for stealing seven frozen lobster tails from a Publix supermarket in DeLand. (Remember, sticky-fingered Floridians, Publix has security cameras.) Security footage showed Reed stuffing the tails down her pants and police picked her up a few hours later. And get this: she wasn’t even planning on eating them! Reed told police that she was either going to trade the lobster tails with a friend in exchange for a Chinese buffet lunch or the opiate Dilaudid. Tough decision, truly — and one she won’t have to make now that she’s in the clink. [Crime Feed]

Police Officer Filmed Kicking The Legs Out From Under Handcuffed 13-Year-Old

This Is Fucked Up

An as-yet unnamed Boyton Beach, Florida, police officer has been placed on administrative duty after he was caught on camera kicking the legs out from under a handcuffed 13-year-old for “no reason,” and now the child’s parents are planning to file a formal complaint. Kevens Jean Baptiste, 13, was riding the bus to school last Thursday, when he decided to open his window to get some air. Baptiste explained that his asthma was acting up after another classmate sprayed perfume, making it hard for him to breathe. “I was coughing, and my face was turning red and stuff,” Baptise told NBCMiami. “So, I just let down my window.”

When Baptiste refused to comply with the bus driver’s orders to put up his window, the driver pulled over and called the police, who removed Baptiste from the bus and handcuffed him. At least two students on the bus were filming the incident on their cellphones and captured one of the responding officers forcefully grabbing Jean Baptiste by the torso and neck, dragging him to the grass, prompting one child to exclain, “They’ve got Kevens in a choke hold!” In a second, even more disturbing video (above), an officer is seen swiftly approaching Jean Baptiste, kicking his legs out from under him, sending the teen to the ground.

“They can’t do that!” a child on the bus is heard yelling. “I recorded it!” yelled another. Keep reading »

It Happened In Florida: McDonald’s Customer Strips Down To Her Thong, Goes Apeshit For Soft Serve

It Happened In Florida: McDonald's Customer Strips Down To Her Thong, Goes Apeshit For Soft Serve
Save Yourself A Cup, Lady!

Did you ever read the Ramona Quimby books? One of my favorite stories is when Ramona literally cannot fight the desire to squeeze an entire brand new tube of toothpaste, emptying it in long, satisfying stream into the sink. I wanted — nay, WANT — to do that so bad. The only thing I want to do more is to turn on a soft serve ice cream machine and let it just GO. Just watch that perfectly tubular icy treat just poo out of the machine everywhere. I don’t know why, but it’s a desire that burns deep inside. And like Ramona Quimby before her, this random woman at a McDonald’s lived my dream for me. But first she had a fit for some unexplained reason, stripped down to her thong and destroyed the establishment. Oh, and then she served herself a cup of that ice cream. I’m not sure what her damage is, and I’m sure she’s headed to the clink, but I’d say she’s earned that soft serve. [Dlisted]

Marissa Alexander Faces 60 Years In Prison For Firing “Warning Shot”

marissa alexander

Florida’s State Attorney is pursuing 60 years behind bars for Marissa Alexander, a Black woman who fired a “warning shot” in the direction of her estranged husband and his two kids.

In August 2010, Alexander’s husband allegedly read messages from her ex on her cell phone and got so enraged that he strangled her neck and threatened to kill her. She grabbed a gun from the garage, where she was stuck inside, and fired a “warning shot” into the air, near where his kids were standing. She did not injure or kill anyone yet she was unsuccessfully able to argue the Stand Your Ground law. An appeals court threw out the case and in November, Marissa was released on bond from her 20-year conviction. Now, State Attorney Angela Corey is seeking 60 years — three times the original sentence — as punishment.  Keep reading »

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