There are some new WTF sex products on the market, peeps. Woot woot! Question is: Which one will you NOT be bringing into your bedroom this spring? The competition is on. In one corner we have the new My First Knocked Up line of male masturbators. Yes, this fleshlight simulates sex with a pregnant woman, sorry, I mean a headless, limbless pregnant torso. Best of all, they come in different races. Sexxxy. Duking it out FTW are Brief Jerkies, a style of underwear a dude shouldn’t be caught dead in. Made of beef jerky, bedazzled with rhinestones and rumored to mix perfectly with ball sweat to enhance natural male pheromones, these meat haute couture manties are contendahs. So … which sex product is crazier? Cast your vote.
Which Is The Crazier Sex Product?
- Disembodied, pregnant fleshlights are too hot -- and nuts -- for words. (70%, 308 Votes)
- I want to eat those Brief Jerkies off my man. (30%, 130 Votes)
Total Voters: 438
When I started writing for The Frisky, I had no idea what a Fleshlight even was, which makes sense because I don’t have a penis. I thought they were flashlights used to light the way during oral sex. Oh, the things you learn! Imagine my surprise when I discovered that a Fleshlight is actually an orifice (mouth, vulva, or anus) resembling a flashlight, which is used for male masturbatory purposes. This makes me all the more skeeved out by these My Little Pony branded flashlights, which appear to be the Internet’s idea of a joke. Kids toys and sex toys do not a tasteful mashup make. The poor ponies. They just want to have their hair combed and eat grass out in the backyard. At least, that’s what mine liked to do. How they have been denigrated by the sex toy industry. Click through to see more fleshlights that creep the crap out of us. [Buzzfeed]
Male masturbators can’t seem to catch a break. Despite the assumption that every guy has masturbated, is masturbating, or will masturbate, self-pleasure has been getting a bad rap for 3000 years. From Orthodox Judaism to traditional Buddhism, the religious strictures against men masturbating are ancient and enduring. (Because the spiritual authorities were so often ignorant about female masturbation, women caught a rare break. What was the point in condemning a practice many men didn’t believe existed?) Keep reading »