Two of my most major dating anxieties are A) having nothing to talk about and B) the first kiss. I fear having nothing to talk about, not because I don’t have anything to talk about, but if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. And for those of you who similarly fear awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour with words. It’s soul sucking.
That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious. I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. If you’re a member of Team Kissing Is Not All-Important, it’s all-important for me to be up front and tell you that we don’t have anything to talk about. A bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render romance DOA. Don’t be an offender. Keep reading »
You may recall my response to New York mag’s biting piece on Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda Kerr, in which I voiced my concern that the Angels may not in fact be human but rather, if I may quote myself, “tall, lithe, bronzed to perfection, fast-metabolizing aliens with silky long hair and bedroom eyes.” Indeed, every single time I hear one of them speak, my terror is reinforced. For those of us who find simultaneous delight and horror (the two are not, in fact, mutually exclusive) in watching these genetically blessed humanoids discuss personal matters while scantily clad as if they always just hang out in lingerie and unbuttoned oxford shirts, thank the powers that be for bringing us the Victoria’s Secret YouTube channel. This time, to get you all up in the Valentine’s Day spirit, the girls are dishing on their first kisses. Delightful! [Fashionista]
“It was kinda awkward … I was, like, 11 or 12. And I was on a snowhill and it was late and we were all cold and I was, like, with this girl and we were together and then I kissed her. It was really awkward.”
—Justin Bieber tells “Entertainment Tonight Canada” all about his first kiss. Here’s hoping Justin now has enough game to wait until they were inside the ski lodge, on a couch with hot chocolate in their hands, before go in for the kissing. [People] Keep reading »
My first kiss was in 9th grade with a girl I had a crush on named Connie, during a game of spin the bottle. She had a squeezable body and big juicy lips. I was smitten! Alas, I never got the cojones to do anything else with Connie, so I guess my “real” first kiss was with my first-ever boyfriend, Mark, later that year. He kissed my on the balcony outside my best friend’s bedroom and (duh) I wrote all about it in my diary that night. Why am I thinking ’bout kissing? #MyFirstKiss is a trending topic on Twitter.
As usual, it’s hilarious, by which I mean everyone else has been getting it on during nap time in preschool. Keep reading »
That first kiss is a cupcake-shaped grenade that explodes into springtime rain. As a man, it’s more important than the best seats in the stadium, that huge job promotion, or the first time your father calls you for advice. It is a prelude to all the best things in life: waking up to an empty bed and smelling toaster waffles, that conversation where you swear to always love her and she tells you the same, the pile of limbs and laughter following the spectacular failure of an exotic sex position. Keep reading »
Earlier this week, we found out that President-elect Barack Obama and Michelle Obama shared their first kiss over Baskin-Robbins ice cream and he actually asked permission before leaning in. This got me thinking about my past first kisses. Like Barack (yeah, we’re on a first name basis.), my current boyfriend asked permission before he kissed me. It was our third date and I thought, “Can’t he pick up the signals that I’m dying to kiss him?” Heck, I was ready to kiss him on the first date, but he was a gentleman and waited an appropriate amount of time before things got physical. What do YOU think about asking permission before a first kiss? Keep reading »
Friday marked the sweet 16th Anniversary of my first kiss — conveniently also on Independence Day. I thought it was going to go down just like DJ Tanner and Steve on Full House. In my case, the poor kid licked my face and then ran back to the boy’s side of my sleep away camp. I’d never seen a fat kid run so fast. But I also found out two key things over the summer make-out session: 1. Practice makes perfect. 2. Spring may have its flings, but in summer, things really heat up. We all want to be naked, we’re already warmed up, and everyone is out and about, strutting their stuff and bumping into strangers. It’s a booty buffet and this summer is already looking pretty steamy! Have you ladies been putting the ho in hot too? Confess in the comments…
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It’s easy to forget that evil, mean Simon Cowell was once a young, impressionable, and innocent nine-year-old. Tara Miller called up during American Idol last night to remind Simon (and the millions who watch the show) that she remembers him from those days — they shared their first kiss at the bottom of Simon’s garden back in England when he was just a little boy. Watch this clip carefully — he nearly blushes. Keep reading »