Think “winning” an argument means always being right? … WRONG! Want to never “lose” another argument ever again? I’ve discovered that reconnecting to your personal purpose when conflict crops up is the secret to understanding how to rise above the energy of a fight, and bring about a win-win resolution. I’ve certainly had my share of fights in my life. Whether with family, colleagues, friends, or a significant other, fighting always seemed inevitable. After struggling with this for far too many years, I finally learned how to step out of the energy-sapping cycle of fighting and into the peace that comes along with finding your purpose in communicating. I started by asking myself the question, “What is my purpose in wanting to communicate with this other person?” Read more on YourTango…
Not all friendships work out. We all can’t be the sisterhood of the traveling pants, okay? Sometimes somebody (with bad taste) just decides you suck. If you’re fortunate, a friendship fizzles out slowly and imperceptibly, without any awkward requests to get that cardigan back. If you’re not-so-fortunate, your friendship is going to end in either one or a series of small confrontations. We can’t avoid breaking up with our friends or getting friend-dumped. But we can apply some rules of engagement so it’s not a complete and utter shitshow, like many a romantic breakup.
Allow me to add an honorary attachment to the Girl Code (although this certainly applies to male friends, too):
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Sometimes the worst thing about having a fight with the person you’re dating is not that you’re fighting, or even what you’re fighting about; it’s about not understanding each other’s fighting style. Because whenever we fight, we go into our lizard brain default mode and before we know it we’re on autopilot going off on how he’s going to overcook the rice again and now he’s doing that annoying sympathy seeking thing. Fine! I’ll never cook rice again! You’ll be the only one ever allowed to cook rice since you’re the expert at it. How’s that? And … we’re off!
Geez, how did you end up here when all you really wanted to tell him was that your grandma taught you a special rice cooking trick that he might like to try? No matter how naturally compatible you are when you’re getting along, chances are, especially in the early days of your love, you’ll have to work at being compatible in the fighting department. That’s the tricky part — identifying your S.O.’s fighting style and learning to hear what he’s really saying about the rice. Below, some common fighting styles and some tips for dealing with them. Keep reading »
“I was lawyering the shit out of the situation. I was like, ‘You know what? Will you just come here and fuck me?’ And he was like, ‘Wha-wha-what?’ I was like, ‘Yeah! I’m done fighting. Just come here and fuck me — that’s all this is about.’ He was like, ‘OK!’”
--Pink, on how she ended a six-hour fight with husband Carey Hart by changing her mind and opting for sex instead. She later goes on to explain in her Advocate interview that the fighting happens because”It’s usually that you feel vulnerable, that you feel powerless, that you feel out of control, that you feel scared,” she explains. “I’m a pit bull, but I’m a toothless pit bull. I will totally attack, but I just really wanted you to rub my tummy. Why when I bite you do you not understand that I just want you to rub my tummy?” [The Advocate]
Relationships: so great when they start out, but if you’re not careful, they can quickly devolve into a maniacal battle of wills with hurt feelings and damaged egos. All couples fight (okay, most all couples fight), but it’s how you fight that can really define whether or not your relationship is going to work. And there are certain things you can say that can transform a minor tiff into a major explosion.
Nobody is immune: Women are equally capable of doing and saying damaging things in a relationship. Which is why I’ve compiled this list of phrases you should try to avoid including in your fight vocabulary. Check it out, and tell us what you think should be added to the list!
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Couples fight. We know this. Even the most functional couples have spats now and again. Relationship fights, they happen.
However, there are many relationship fights that happen that can be avoided. Because let’s face it — the more stress and fighting a relationship has, the less enjoyable it is.
Here are some common relationship fights and how to (hopefully) avoid them. Read more…