Not all friendships work out. We all can’t be the sisterhood of the traveling pants, okay? Sometimes somebody (with bad taste) just decides you suck. If you’re fortunate, a friendship fizzles out slowly and imperceptibly, without any awkward requests to get that cardigan back. If you’re not-so-fortunate, your friendship is going to end in either one or a series of small confrontations. We can’t avoid breaking up with our friends or getting friend-dumped. But we can apply some rules of engagement so it’s not a complete and utter shitshow, like many a romantic breakup.
Allow me to add an honorary attachment to the Girl Code (although this certainly applies to male friends, too):
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Sometimes the worst thing about having a fight with the person you’re dating is not that you’re fighting, or even what you’re fighting about; it’s about not understanding each other’s fighting style. Because whenever we fight, we go into our lizard brain default mode and before we know it we’re on autopilot going off on how he’s going to overcook the rice again and now he’s doing that annoying sympathy seeking thing. Fine! I’ll never cook rice again! You’ll be the only one ever allowed to cook rice since you’re the expert at it. How’s that? And … we’re off!
Geez, how did you end up here when all you really wanted to tell him was that your grandma taught you a special rice cooking trick that he might like to try? No matter how naturally compatible you are when you’re getting along, chances are, especially in the early days of your love, you’ll have to work at being compatible in the fighting department. That’s the tricky part — identifying your S.O.’s fighting style and learning to hear what he’s really saying about the rice. Below, some common fighting styles and some tips for dealing with them. Keep reading »
“I was lawyering the shit out of the situation. I was like, ‘You know what? Will you just come here and fuck me?’ And he was like, ‘Wha-wha-what?’ I was like, ‘Yeah! I’m done fighting. Just come here and fuck me — that’s all this is about.’ He was like, ‘OK!’”
--Pink, on how she ended a six-hour fight with husband Carey Hart by changing her mind and opting for sex instead. She later goes on to explain in her Advocate interview that the fighting happens because”It’s usually that you feel vulnerable, that you feel powerless, that you feel out of control, that you feel scared,” she explains. “I’m a pit bull, but I’m a toothless pit bull. I will totally attack, but I just really wanted you to rub my tummy. Why when I bite you do you not understand that I just want you to rub my tummy?” [The Advocate]
Relationships: so great when they start out, but if you’re not careful, they can quickly devolve into a maniacal battle of wills with hurt feelings and damaged egos. All couples fight (okay, most all couples fight), but it’s how you fight that can really define whether or not your relationship is going to work. And there are certain things you can say that can transform a minor tiff into a major explosion.
Nobody is immune: Women are equally capable of doing and saying damaging things in a relationship. Which is why I’ve compiled this list of phrases you should try to avoid including in your fight vocabulary. Check it out, and tell us what you think should be added to the list!
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Couples fight. We know this. Even the most functional couples have spats now and again. Relationship fights, they happen.
However, there are many relationship fights that happen that can be avoided. Because let’s face it — the more stress and fighting a relationship has, the less enjoyable it is.
Here are some common relationship fights and how to (hopefully) avoid them. Read more…
Last month, my husband Jason and I had our fiercest argument ever. In our six-year history, I have accepted that occasional spats are part and parcel of every couple’s attempt to weave two independent lives into one harmonious fabric of existence. Even marital vows oblige us to respect the glaring reality of love’s peaks and troughs, as we openly recite “through good times and in bad” like an ominous premonition.
However, this bad time was as explosive as a nuclear bomb. Jason made himself scarce and I refused to speak to him for almost three days. After our respective time-outs, our cooler selves regretted hurt feelings and longed to reclaim the sense of closeness forbidden by our passive aggressiveness. After a long deep and meaningful conversation, our mess was sorted, apologies were exchanged, and our issues were put to rest. Life has marched forward since, but my spiritual side insists that there is a life lesson to be learned. Do inevitable outbreaks of oral fireworks light up the relationship landscape or inescapably end in matrimonial discord? Likewise, is there an acceptable level or frequency of conflict all relationships should abide by, or should conflict be subjected to a zero-tolerance policy?
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