Yesterday, Amelia gifted me a book that she knew would be everything to me. The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, & The Complete Toot Taxonomy was all that and more. I learned just about every fun fact there is to know about gas — from which foods make your farts smell the worst (cauliflower and cheese) to why your own toots don’t smell bad to you (because it reminds you of the smell of your mother). Of particular interest to me were the farting release techniques. While it was helpful to learn how to do the Downward Floating Fog or the Power Squat, I felt that many of these techniques were male-centric (probably because the book was written by two men). But what of us female farters? We deserve gas releasing techniques that are right for us. Here are a few I enjoy…
Update: The Wadiyan is an online satire newspaper that publishes fictional news reports with the intention of providing pure humour. And I did not know that. Never before have I been so pleased to report that this news item is a piece of satire. Let the farting resume!
According to a new law, the women in the Indonesian province of Aceh will now have to hold in their farts or face punishment, which may include 20 lashes for small farts and up to three months in prison for bigger bouts of flatulence. The mayor of the city, Sayyid Yahia, said the ban against female gas passing was necessary to save peoples’ morals and behaviors:
“Muslim women are not allowed to fart with sound, it’s against Islamic teachings … When you see woman fart loud, she appears like a man. But if she sit sideways and pass it quietly, she looks like a woman.”
The ban will not extend to “quiet” farts or gas passed in the home. “It will be the responsibility of the husband to make sure that his wife upholds Islamic values at home,” Yahia explained. Keep reading »