Dear Any And All Spiders Currently Residing In My Home,
I recently saw one of you crawling along the hallway wall. It was fairly small, and I was feeling generous, so I decided to let it live. Later that afternoon, as I was checking my email and sipping a cup of boiling hot tea, this same spider decided it would be a good time to crawl up my thigh, causing me to spill scalding Earl Grey all over my lap and keyboard.
“THIS WAS NOT THE AGREEMENT!” I yelled at the spider as I knocked it off my leg and smashed it into the tea-stained carpet.
But then I realized that maybe I wasn’t being fair. After all, I had never actually given the spider a copy of the agreement. It’s time we all got on the same page, don’t you think? Here is the standard human/spider cohabitation contract I expect us to abide by: Keep reading »
The other day, I realized that I always put on my underwear with such intense concentration and anxiety that you’d think it was some kind of perverted carnival game. Why? Because I read in Cosmopolitan like six years ago that if you let your feet touch the crotch part of your panties while you’re putting them on, you will get some horrible vaginal foot fungus (it was discussed in an article called, like, “THE LATEST WOMEN’S HEALTH SCARE YOUR DOCTOR WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT).
The truth is, between the smoky eye tutorials and charming Taylor Swift profiles, women’s magazines also excel at scaring the shit out of you. I asked the rest of The Frisky staff about the freaky things they’d learned from years of reading lady mags, and we came up with the following list. Feel free to add your own in the comments! Keep reading »
I went to a wedding this weekend at a beautiful farm outside of Portland. When it came time to eat, we all took our plates outside to sit at picnic tables under a small grove of trees. The sun was out, a pleasant breeze was blowing, horses were frolicking in an adjacent field, and I spent the whole time hyperventilating as a group of yellow jackets darted around the table and one of them leisurely ate my sandwich.
To answer the obvious question, no, I’m not allergic to bee stings, I’ve just harbored a phobia of bees ever since I was a kid (or maybe ever since I saw “My Girl”?) that, to my chagrin, hasn’t abated in adulthood. Here are four ridiculous things I’ve done as a result of my ridiculous fear of bees… Keep reading »
I think we all suffer from having secret fears about ourselves, that stunt our growth both personally and professionally. Since I graduated from college and became an “adult,” I’ve struggled with feeling like a fraud in my career.
I majored in acting in college, but before I studied it as a future profession, I did it. For almost my entire life. I put in hours of work in rehearsals, coaching sessions, classes and voice lessons. I performed in over 40 plays and musicals. I sang the National Anthem at local sporting events and did radio commercials. I screen-tested for movies and television shows. All before the age of 13.
When I started going on big-time auditions as a 21-year-old NYU acting school grad, I should have felt beyond prepared. But I didn’t. I feared that I was secretly untalented. I can’t tell you why exactly, but on every single audition, and there were tons, I felt like I was pretending to be an actress. I lived in persistent fear of the moment that a casting director, my agent or manager would sit me down and break it to me that I just didn’t have what it took to be an actress. The fear of this moment — which never happened, incidentally — made something I once loved into something that I found miserable. I decided to quit. Keep reading »
Matt Damon and I are pretty much not alike at all, but one thing we could bond over: we both hate snakes. Apparently Damon was so squeamish around the reptiles on the set of his new movie “We Bought a Zoo,” that his co-star Scarlett Johansson made fun of him. “He was definitely sweating a bit, and maybe the sweat formed in the corner of his eye,” she told People. “I said, ‘Matt, these kids are practically juggling the snakes. Hold it together.’” Johansson recalled watching Damon “cry like a baby and rock back and forth when the snakes were spread all over the set.”
Hey, lay off him Scarlett! I’m right there with you, Matt. Snakes are just not right. Click through to check out some other notable — and notably strange — celeb phobias.
Guys — they’re just like us! In this episode of “Thoughts From Guys On Our IM,” the boys who make up our chat list confess what makes them nervous before and during a date. Yes, dudes get nervous. Shocking, I know. Read onward! Keep reading »
Poor Yvonne is deathly afraid of balloons, so much so that she was homebound for 10 months due to her phobia. She doesn’t trust the way they float, runs in fear at the sight of them, and believes that a balloon will lead her to untimely death. How? I’m not sure. What happened to her when she was a kid? But more importantly, what was Maury thinking when he decided it would be a good idea to ambush her with a bouquet of balloons. Sick bastard. Now can we hear more about the woman who is afraid of mustard and pickles? [Effington] Keep reading »
Jessica Simpson recently faced her biggest fear: clowns. The actress was chased by one for an upcoming commercial for Macy’s (promoting her clothing line), which the singer/designer says helped her get over her fear. “I was deathly afraid of clowns before the commercial,” Jessica told JustJared.com. “But I faced my fear head on!” What’s your biggest fear? Keep reading »