Confession: I’m a bit of a daddy’s girl. My dad has always made me feel protected and loved, even if he hasn’t always verbalized it the way my mom does. In the back of my mind, I’m always comparing how well the men I date treat me with how well my father treats me.
But Dad also does some confusing stuff, too. When I got dumped over the phone a few months ago, I was at my parents’ house, and when I started crying, my dad yelled at me and told me to stop making such a big deal out of things. I was, like, “Ummm, what? I just got dumped.” Why was the sweet guy who mailed me Snoopy cartoons yelling at me to stop crying when I just got my heart broken?
Then I read Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family, by Dr. Peggy Drexler. Based on her interviews with 70 women, ages 20 through 40, she explores the relationships of fathers and their adult daughters: why grown women seek their fathers’ approval; why some of us are still a “daddy’s girl” even in adulthood; and whether we date/marry men “just like our fathers,” as the rumor goes. I also learned that my father’s reaction to my post-breakup behavior — hysterical crying, snot everywhere — was not at all uncommon. Fathers understandably feel powerless when their child is in pain (the same goes for mothers, too) and sometimes their knee-jerk reaction is to make the child stop showing how hurt they are. My dad was just being … a dad.
Dr. Drexler — who (unrelated but interesting) is married to the CEO of J.Crew, Mickey Drexler! — very kindly responded to several questions of mine about Our Fathers, Ourselves for The Frisky. Learn more about your relationship with your father after the jump! Keep reading »
“I love the smell of [soiled] nappies … Fatherhood is fantastic … It’s been the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me after meeting David. This little soul that you’re feeding, changing, bathing and telling bedtime stories to is a blank canvas. And all it needs is love and nurturing. When he gets to talking and running around, I will probably feel a little different.”
– Elton John on fatherhood. Very sweet except for the liking the smell of dirty diapers part. He and Sarah Jessica Parker should get together and discuss the exhilaration of sniffing baby excrement so that we don’t have to hear about it. [Daily Mail U.K.] Keep reading »
Elton John is father to a new baby boy! The “Rocket Man” singer became father of his own little “Tiny Dancer” on December 25, with his husband David Furnish. Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John was born via anonymous surrogate in California. “We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment,” the couple told UsWeekly.com in a joint statement. “Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents.” Sir Elton and Furnish have been married since 2005. Damn, Zachary is going to inherit some kick-ass costumes. Congratulations to both the fathers! [US Weekly] Keep reading »
The clever lyric goes: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” But an even greater lyric might go: “Life is what happens while you’re feeling about 11 years old.” I’m often told by my shrink that the greatest challenge for men is reconciling that they are in fact adults, while the majority of women he sees are in therapy to stave off turning into their own mother.
So let’s see: that would mean my wife and I (and most other couples) are quite the fetching pair: An adolescent boy strolling down the street with his lady’s mother.
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Sasha and Malia Obama must be two of the only girls on in the country who aren’t embarrassed by their father. Sure, he makes a corny joke every now and then, but come on—in addition to the whole being president thing, he dresses well, plays a mean game of basketball, and got them the puppy they’d been begging for all year. Not to mention that, about a week before being inaugurated, he wrote an open letter to them in Parade Magazine. “I know that you’ve both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn’t have let you have. But I also know that it hasn’t always been easy for you,” he wrote. “When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I’d make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn’t seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours.”
Yeah, that made me a little teary, too. Barack Obama takes being a father very seriously. Which makes sense considering that his own dad—a Kenyan man who fell in love with a white midwestern woman while studying at the University of Hawaii—left when Barack was two. Keep reading »
So, guys gain an average of 14 pounds while their ladies are pregnant. Not so cute. But Craig Kinsley and Kelly Lambert recently released a study that shows that fatherhood has some pretty great side effects for dudes. According to their research, male hormones are altered when a guy is expecting or has a baby, making him “more canny and resourceful.” The chemistry is simple. A man’s testosterone level lowers when he lives with a woman he loves—be it girlfriend or wife—and his prolactin level rises when he has a child, making him more sympathetic, motivated to care for his kids, and better at handling stress. Now that gets a big awww. [Utne Reader] Keep reading »
A new genre of confessional literature has men opening up about what they really thought when they became a father. The dads know they’re supposed to be overcome with joy after the birth of a child, but many felt demoralized, depressed, or just plain bored. Author Michael Lewis is breaking what he calls “a great conspiracy of silence” with his book, Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood, which exposes what he and other men really felt when their child was born. “I wrote my book because of this persistent and disturbing gap between what I was meant to feel and what I actually felt,” Lewis said. It’s great that men are opening up about their feelings, but if Lewis were the father of my child, I don’t think I’d want to know, let alone read, how he really feels about our little bundle of joy, er, depression. Keep reading »
Levi Johnston has been laying low since his big appearance at the Republican National Convention, but, at last, he speaks! Levi had a chat with the Associated Press the other day while standing in his parents’ driveway, saying he isn’t being forced to marry Bristol Palin, and that he’s “looking forward to having him” — the “him” in question is his baby with Bristol, due Dec. 18. But some of the things mentioned in the AP article got us thinking about whether he’s really ready for fatherhood.
- He’s Forgetful: While some might say Levi getting Bristol’s name tattooed on his finger is a really sweet sign of his devotion to her, he really did it because he lost the promise ring she had given him and thought he’d lose other rings if he replaced it. So, he might lose other important things, like his child.
Keep reading »
The biggest entertainment news to break this week is Clay Aiken’s revelation that he is indeed gay. This news really wasn’t surprising to me because my gaydar started beeping the second I first laid eyes on the former “American Idol” contestant. Since many of Clay’s fans didn’t have my intuition and have vehemently denied his homosexuality in the past, I thought it would be interesting to find out exactly what his fans think now. I hope they still remain supportive because it would be really messed up if they shun him for his sexuality. Keep reading »
“I’m genuinely a nervous person in general. The first time I ever went to the doctor’s office and heard the baby’s heartbeat, I felt totally content and at peace with everything.” — Pete Wentz Keep reading »