Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s divorce, excuse me, conscious uncoupling may sound full of good, peaceful vibes, but a SHOCKING new report from In Touch (grain of salt, blah blah blah) suggests otherwise. According to the gossip mag, Martin was spotted taking his and Paltrow’s two kids, Moses and Apple, to a fast food restaurant where the three of them ate french fries. If that isn’t the most wonderfully specific passive aggressive move ever, I don’t know what is. Paltrow, after all, is a complete psycho about what goes into the temple that is her body and is no doubt as fastidious about what her children eat. Not that I’m advocating for fast food — generally, that shit is gross and bad for you — but it just tickles me that Martin, finally freed from Gwyneth’s oppressive food policies, might have been like, “Hey kids, who wants to consciously couple their stomach with some deep fried starch?” I still hate Coldplay, but damn, Chris has suddenly earned my admiration. [In Touch via Jezebel] [Photo: Fame/Flynet]
I don’t eat a ton of fast food, but I do pay close attention to the fast food industry’s attempts to one-up each other with crazier, weirder and, if you ask me, more disgusting food innovations and hybrids. Take, for example, Domino’s new pizza with a breaded chicken crust. Excuse me, “speciality chicken” crust, whatever that means. (I’m guessing genetically engineered chickens with no heads and 17 breasts, but I could be wrong.) Initially I was picturing a pizza pie with crust made out of, I dunno, minced chicken cooked and shaped into a circle — GAG — but it turns out that this chicken pizza more closely resembles that pull apart garlic bread. Each “pizza” is comprised of 12 chicken bites that, uh, are sort of stuck together in an oblong shape, and topped with various pizza toppings. When you really think about it, this is not altogether different from, say, chicken parmesan … except Domino’s is going a little nuttier with their “flavors.” They’re launching with four varieties: Crispy Bacon & Tomato, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo, and Sweet BBQ Bacon. I dunno, sounds like overkill to me. This is one fast food innovation I’ll be saying NO to. [Eater]
And lo and behold, here are 13 others! Hot dog pizza? Pasta bread bowls? God help us…
I am overjoyed to see this Instagram photo of Kim and Kanye casually nomming on Wendy’s cuisine in Philadelphia last Friday (while Kim texts, of course). You know it was Kanye’s idea, though. Kim was totally just humoring him by sitting in a fast food restaurant like a normal person. Do you think he bought her a Frosty? [Instagram]
French Fry enthusiasts, behold one of the world’s longest curly fries. The 28-inch fry was scored by one Gary Young of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, on a routine trip through his local Arby’s drive-thru. Young was digging into his hot roast beef curtain combo meal on his way home when he discovered the inconceivably long curly fry. “I was shocked. That’s like the biggest fry I’ve ever seen. I thought it was a snake,” he said. Luckily it wasn’t a snake. This would be a whole different kind of story if it was. Keep reading »
When I decide it’s high time for me to procure myself some fast food French fries, the last (last!!!!!!) thing on my mind is their caloric content. No, when I decide that I done deserve some fries, I don’t care how many calories they’re gonna cost me, or where those calories are going. They are a treat, and why go sucking all the fun out of treats with things like nutrition facts and diet plans? Why, Burger King, why must you introduce “Satisfries,” with 40% less fat and 30% fewer calories than your regular fries? I mean, maybe the 70-calorie decrease makes more sense if Burger King fries are a staple of your everyday eating, but if you’re a once in a while, gotta-have-my-fries type like myself, why even bother? Especially when you consider that a small order of these new crinkle-cut fries will run you $1.89, as opposed to the $1.59 a small order of regular fries will cost you. My takeaway: for a difference of 70 calories, and a 19% markup, go for the regular fries. Just go for it. [Gothamist]
Most of talk around women in the workplace of late has been of the Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In variety. Women, argues Sandberg’s book, can break through the so-called glass ceiling by simply being more tenacious, proactive and self-empowered. The dialogue is often framed around getting women into positions of power, pushing for more female CEOs, and urging more women to brave the climb up the corporate ladder.
How wonderful for feminism to rally around the cause of elevating women to shake their fists against the vaunted glass ceiling, we think, abstractly.
But that’s not how most women live. Keep reading »
“I was driving by, I saw this giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket in my yard, and I thought for sure I was hallucinating, so I called my teenagers who were at home and had them go outside.”
Seriously, have you ever read a better opening line to any story, ever? This gem of a quote comes from a woman named Aleena Headrick, who did indeed discover a 7-foot KFC bucket in her Waynesboro, Georgia, yard. Whereas I would have assumed it was a not-so-subtle message from hungry aliens and retreated to my underground bunker, goodhearted Headrick decided to share the strange scene on social media. “Too often we just need something to laugh about,” she told reporters, “so I put it on Facebook and told [my friends] that I would bring chicken to the next potluck.” Keep reading »
“I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry. The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system. I am always trying to eat organic and natural foods, so that just made my stomach turn and made me feel terrible.”
– Stars! They’re just like us! They eat fast food on road trips! But unlike us, Jennifer Aniston seems to be deeply traumatized to have put a
delicious disgusting Big Mac into her temple of a body that one time. Are we sure Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t give this quote to NYMag.com’s The Cut blog? [NYMag.com]
I was already grossed out enough by fast food without having to see evidence of employees tainting the food I never wanted to eat anyway. I try to consume fast food as little as possible. I usually will only eat it on road trips if there’s nothing else. Reason being: I grew up in Phoenix where, in 1990, a cook at Jack In The Box was arrested on suspicion of blowing his nose into a hamburger. I was 12 — at the height of what should have been my fast food eating peak. But that news was enough to put me off red meat for the next decade, not to mention Jack In The Box. I’ve never been back. Keep reading »
Snack technology is one of my primary interests. I really enjoy seeking out the newest and best in snackovation. Which is why I really have to tip my hat to the fine folks at Burger King, who have created a wonderful trough-like invention to make eating gross fast food even better. But how does it work? Basically, the Burger Holder works similarly to the Sky Mall fave wine glass holder necklace but looks charmingly like a heavy-duty corrective dental device.
You wear it around your neck for hands-free eating, so you can get back to whatever it is you were doing (texting/playing D&D/writing Power Rangers fanfic) before. The only problem with the BK Burger Holder? It’s not a real product. Yet! [YouTube]