Allow me to be all at once bold and competitive: I’ve got the worst gas of anyone you’ve ever met. If society was somehow different, and my … gift, let’s call it, was better valued, I would be your Queen of Farts. I would command attention, take down armies. I would redraw the lines of femininity. I would be worshiped and adored. None of this is likely to happen, though, is it? So here I am, in this world, in this society, in which (I dislike the words “gassy” and “farty”) a gastrointestinally-challenged woman has a tough row to hoe. Consider the sheer, exhausting effort that goes into covering up your scent. My plight: I’ve got an ass like a machine gun, people. And it’s on a mission to ruin my life. Keep reading »
Meet “So Incredibly Humiliated,” a woman whose relationship threatens to collapse on its shaky foundations thanks to the most vile and villainous transgression of them all: farting. Yes, that’s right, “So Incredibly Humiliated” wrote Slate advice columnist “Dear Prudence” because it seems she might have accidentally farted a couple of times in front of her boyfriend – in her sleep! — and now she’s afraid he may never speak to her again. Read on… Keep reading »
I am writing to express my admiration for the recent Ebay auction of your REAL Fart In A Jar. We all know what kind of havoc joining a gym and eating healthy food can wreak on one’s digestive system. Brussels sprouts and broccoli are particularly brutal on mine. Instead of keeping your “harsh smelling gas” a secret like most of us would, you decided to do something bold, something brave. You decided to “Sell That Shit” (as suggested by your brother upon smelling your gas). Keep reading »
There are so many ways to measure a year. As the musical “Rent” asks, how do you measure in 525,600 minutes? In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In cups of coffee? I prefer to measure it in farts. As it turns out, 2011 was a good year for gas. Click through to recall some of the best fart moments of the year.
OK, so we’ve all had the burning sensation in our stomachs and bowels when you know you’ve got to let a big fart go, and it’s definitely going to be smelly. But instead of doing a butt-clenched duck walk to the nearest restroom–trying to will the fart back to the safe territory of your upper stomach (I can’t be the only one who tries to do this), or actually busting out a lighter to burn off the methane after you’ve let one rip –maybe try Subtle Butt: Disposable Gas Neutralizers. These ingenious carbon pads filter odors from flatulence, but the side of the pad that touches the skin is treated with an antimicrobial. These Subtle Butt fart filters are a good idea, but only if you know ahead of time that you’re going to consume gassy foods. I can’t see anyone sticking one of these into their pants or underwear on a daily basis just in case. Also, what about a fart that’s as loud as it is smelly? I guess a strategic cough could hide the sound. But all this still begs the question, would you use a fart neutralizing pad? [Solutions That Stick] Keep reading »
I’m not going to be shy about this. I’m a big supporter of the idea that men should have man things. Their own style underpants. Their man caves. Their awful brands of beer. In that spirit, I gave two big thumbs up to the blessed arrival of THE ORIGINAL MAN CANDLE. I’m so excited about it, it makes me want to use all-caps all the time. They’re candles! Made for men! They are MANDLES. But what the heck does a man candle smell like? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »
The divorce rate in this country is way too high, period. Many marriages break apart due to financial problems, work-related stresses, the hectic nature of raising children, and a constellation of other reasons. But not many know that a shocking secret has led to the dissolution of many of this country’s great union. And that is farts. Farts, I know, speaking from personal experience, can destroy a bond once thought unbreakable. Horrible late-night emissions, disturbing butt-gas odors, and explosive noises emanating from your significant other’s rear end can send one screaming out the front door and right to the divorce lawyer. Thankfully, for the more gaseous and also married among us, there is the Better Marriage Blanket. The blanket is made with military-grade materials that stop nightmarish farts from killing romance in the conjugal bed. I’m ordering one as soon as I find a husband! [Gizmodo] Keep reading »