You know you’ve wondered. And lucky for us, there’s a video that answers that very question! Spoiler alert: Unless your audible farts are packing an excess of sulfur, your silent farts are probably stinkier. Science! [ANIMAL New York]
Tag Archives: farts
I believe this video of of Gibson, the French bulldog who appears to be bewildered by the flatulence coming out of his own ass, counts as a Mercury retrograde reward. It certainly lifts my spirits considering I’ve often felt the exact same way: deeply confused. Yes, about farts. But also about other things. I’m sure Gibson understands what I mean. I’ve often dreamed of having a pet who understood me on a deep level like that. Since my dog Mandy passed away in the late ’90, I haven’t had a dog connection like that. Gibson, be mine. I don’t care that you’re a gassy canine. We will fart together and be confused about life. [Videogum]
Update: The Wadiyan is an online satire newspaper that publishes fictional news reports with the intention of providing pure humour. And I did not know that. Never before have I been so pleased to report that this news item is a piece of satire. Let the farting resume!
According to a new law, the women in the Indonesian province of Aceh will now have to hold in their farts or face punishment, which may include 20 lashes for small farts and up to three months in prison for bigger bouts of flatulence. The mayor of the city, Sayyid Yahia, said the ban against female gas passing was necessary to save peoples’ morals and behaviors:
“Muslim women are not allowed to fart with sound, it’s against Islamic teachings … When you see woman fart loud, she appears like a man. But if she sit sideways and pass it quietly, she looks like a woman.”
The ban will not extend to “quiet” farts or gas passed in the home. “It will be the responsibility of the husband to make sure that his wife upholds Islamic values at home,” Yahia explained. Keep reading »
Only on Craigslist would you find a help wanted ad for a woman to fart on a birthday cake for $50. It’s already awkward to show up at a birthday party when you don’t know anyone, but imagine being the cake farter. You show up at the bar, dressed in your most gas-friendly outfit and a guest is like, “Hey, how do you know John?”And you’re like, “Oh, I don’t John. I’m just here to fart on his birthday cake.” Other thoughts: what’s funny about farting on a perfectly good birthday cake? That’s not humor, that’s blasphemy. I would like to talk to the person who took this cake farting gig. Please contact me. I have many questions for you. [Craigslist via Gothamist]
Dear Farting Chef,
Food and farts! You sir, know how to make a lady swoon. Farting Chef, your Craigslist ad detailing the achievement of your three-month mission to fart on all 37 of your employees, knocked the wind out of me. I am dying to figure out who you are.
In the ad, you write, “I am a chef, I don’t know if I would call myself world famous, but I am definitely known in and around NYC. I have had several specials on foodnetwork.” Keep reading »
There’s breaking news like Anderson Cooper coming out or ObamaCare being upheld by the Supreme Court, and then there’s breaking news that is way less important, but equally as impactful. For example, the revelation that there is a solution for the excessively gassy individuals of this great nation. Flat-D disposable fart deodorizers are the product that people with digestive disorders have been dreaming of. There is no cure for gas, but this product is a simple solution which will allow everyone to fart with confidence. Just place the pad inside your underwear and let your gaseous emissions activate the carbon in the Flat-D pad, which absorbs and masks fart odor. For additional flatulence support at work, you can purchase Flat-D chair pad. I know some people whose lives will be changed by the Flat-D, although I’m not mentioning any names. [Laughing Squid]
It’s not often that I’m impressed by a man’s physical abilities. But Guy Who Farted So Loud Your Neighbor Pulled A Gun On You, you, my friend, have some major fart skills, and maybe the key to my heart. One, I love a man who’s confident enough in his bodily functions to let one rip whenever he feels like it. And two, I’m impressed that you used your farts as a weapon against apartment building neighbor Daniel Collins, with whom you’ve had a longstanding feud over noise. Your loud emissions so incensed Collins that he pulled out a shotgun and threatened to shoot you dead for the offending flatulence.
No matter, Collins was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats, so it seems that you, me and your farts will be safe for now. [NY Daily News]
Allow me to be all at once bold and competitive: I’ve got the worst gas of anyone you’ve ever met. If society was somehow different, and my … gift, let’s call it, was better valued, I would be your Queen of Farts. I would command attention, take down armies. I would redraw the lines of femininity. I would be worshiped and adored. None of this is likely to happen, though, is it? So here I am, in this world, in this society, in which (I dislike the words “gassy” and “farty”) a gastrointestinally-challenged woman has a tough row to hoe. Consider the sheer, exhausting effort that goes into covering up your scent. My plight: I’ve got an ass like a machine gun, people. And it’s on a mission to ruin my life. Keep reading »
Meet “So Incredibly Humiliated,” a woman whose relationship threatens to collapse on its shaky foundations thanks to the most vile and villainous transgression of them all: farting. Yes, that’s right, “So Incredibly Humiliated” wrote Slate advice columnist “Dear Prudence” because it seems she might have accidentally farted a couple of times in front of her boyfriend – in her sleep! — and now she’s afraid he may never speak to her again. Read on… Keep reading »
I am writing to express my admiration for the recent Ebay auction of your REAL Fart In A Jar. We all know what kind of havoc joining a gym and eating healthy food can wreak on one’s digestive system. Brussels sprouts and broccoli are particularly brutal on mine. Instead of keeping your “harsh smelling gas” a secret like most of us would, you decided to do something bold, something brave. You decided to “Sell That Shit” (as suggested by your brother upon smelling your gas). Keep reading »