It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. You’re sitting on the couch cozying up for a “Real Housewives” marathon and your boyfriend farts in your face. When this happened to you, you probably laughed it off or pretended to be grossed out (unless it really stank, in which case you were genuinely grossed out) and said something like, “Baby, thank you for showing me how much you care.”
That’s not how Florida woman — of course! — Deborah Ann Burns reacted when her boyfriend let one rip in her face. Instead, she threw an eight-inch knife at her boyfriend’s stomach and then proceeded to beat him with a stick. (I’m very curious about what show she was watching because I know I get upset when I get interrupted during “The Voice.”)
Burns’ boyfriend is in stable condition, but forever traumatized by his own flatulence, and she is facing charges for trying to cut someone who cut the cheese, aka aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Florida does it again. [Huffington Post; NBC Miami]
The best farting moments are ones that A) occur at inappropriate moments (like when Claire Danes is talking about identity), B) are acknowledged by the farter, and C) are referred to as something cute like “blowing a little frog out of there.” Congrats, Whoopi Goldberg, you may have just achieved best fart of the year. [Buzzfeed]
It was the toot heard ’round the television: Nancy Grace let one rip on “Dancing With The Stars” and she’s been trying to live down the mockery ever since. It is not all public humiliation, though Nancy has attracted the attention of a little known fetish website of “flatulophiliacs,” aka “fart fanatics.” We had no idea fart fetishists existed. Jo Merlone, marketing director for the web site Clips4Sale.com, penned a letter to “Dancing With The Stars” requesting the rights for three seconds of footage of Nancy’s famed fart. “In case you weren’t aware,” Jo Merlone implored, “this is a very popular niche online and we know just how many of Nancy’s fans would love to relieve the moment in the privacy of their own homes via our web site. Passing gas is as natural as breathing and our members are waiting with baited breath.” Oh my. Don’t keep the fart fetishists waiting, ABC — that would just be cruel. [BuzzFeed]
Flatulophilia isn’t the only fetish that caught us off guard — after the jump, here’s 10 more crazy sexual practices that came as a surprise.
First of all, I need to know how Shreddies, the flatulence filtering underwear, work. Is there an air freshener inside the panties? Are they sound proof? I have so many questions. After I’ve demystified the logistics of Shreddies, I’d like to understand how that woman got into that pose otherwise known as the international body position for “I’m farting with confidence.” [The Clearly Dope] Keep reading »
In Denmark, a 30-year-old man was having a mole on his buttocks removed with an electrical knife when he farted during surgery. This ignited a spark, which caught onto his surgical spirit-soaked genitals and burned the poor guy! He said, “When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell. Besides the pain, I can’t have sex with my wife.” He’s now suing the hospital for what they call an “unfortunate accident.” Farting in my sleep is one of my biggest plausible nightmares, but of all the scenarios that can take place post-flatulence, this one never even occurred to me. [BuzzFeed]
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I was trying really hard not to mock the daylights out of Under-Ease, the anti-flatulence underwear from the peeps at Under-Tec, but I failed. You gotta admit, the name does not inspire confidence. Still, the eau de fart, or more officially referred to as malodorous flatus, is a literal bummer. If you think about it, the lot of the prolific farters is a rough one. We all make fart jokes and occasionally let out a real ripper, but it must actually bite to regularly set off stink bombs at school, at work, or on a date. In theory if you wear Under-Ease, your hot date will never know you cut the cheese. Unless of course you order a cheese plate. I myself am partial to stinky goopey french cheese which my dates have found far more disgusting than a fart or two. Keep reading »
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started.
This week, I got a letter from a gal who’s been making a lot of noise in bed….involuntarily. In her freestylin’ naked time, she’s become her own queef beat box. Pfft, pfbtbtbt, pfft. But unfortunately, it’s messing up the sexy flow with her boyfriend. So, I’m going to give this hottie a helping hand on how to play off and prevent a vag fart. Keep reading »