I read Eliza Jules’ essay “I Obsessively Monitor My Husband’s Lube Bottle” over at xoJane and was left with this question: Is a partner’s masturbation something we should worry about? The more I’ve thought about it, though, the more I’ve concluded that, for me, I’m at the very opposite end of the spectrum as Jules; I’d be worried if someone I was dating didn’t masturbate, all the more so if I was the cause behind them holding off in the self-love department. I also wouldn’t expect someone’s firmly entrenched patterns of masturbation and porn use, especially if I met them well into their adult life, to change just because they were with me.
I’ll even go so far as to say I would definitely not want to be the sole source of my partner’s masturbation fodder. Part of it? Sure. But imagine the pressure if every single time they jerked off, they were thinking about you. That would creep me out a bit, and while I’m not an expert, I don’t think that’s a realistic goal, especially when you’re talking about long-term relationships. Keep reading »
Spank bank: It’s the one bank where you always have credit. And no matter what you’re into–what kind of fantasies or images or stories you play to get off–your spank bank is an invaluable resource. We’ve been talking a lot about masturbation and we want to know: when you’re flicking the bean, what makes you hot and bothered? And if you’re wondering what Frisky staffers get off to, well, click on the jump…
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Do you like strictly tall, dark and handsome men, or does your taste tend to deviate just a bit from the norm? While I would never kick Gilles Marini out of bed — um, unless my husband walked in on us, I guess — I have a few turn-ons that are a little less mainstream and wasn’t at all surprised to learn I’m not alone. In a recent study of 2,500 women, it was revealed that women name “facial stubble,” a “geeky personality,” and a “hairy chest” as their top three “secret turn-ons.” Other traits included in the top ten were: “grey hair, glasses and being a passionate supporter of a sports team.” Glasses are hot, but being a sports fan? That one surprises me. Keep reading »
“Tell me what you want to do to me,” I cooed in Brandon’s* ear. It was our first time in bed together and I was hoping he would pass my “dirty talk test.” The test is simple. I ask the man what he wants to do to me and he responds with his own special brand of dirty talk. Easy, right? Not always so simple.
It’s easier to get the little head than the big head in the game. But the problem is, I only want to have sex with a man when both heads are present. I want him to understand that my pleasure takes place first in my mind and then in my body. And if he can’t stimulate my mind, he has a very slim chance of stimulating anything on my body. Sure he can fumble his way around and accidentally push a button, but why bother? I know some people don’t like to talk; they just like to “do.” But for me it’s not enough. Keep reading »
A few months ago, I posted about a list of “women’s sexual fantasies” that appeared in Men’s Health. I wrote that the majority of the fantasies listed were “so off-the-mark and absurd, I [worried] about men incorporating these fantasies into their sexual routines and turning off women so dramatically that all sex becomes just a fantasy.” Many of you agreed that the list didn’t come close to reflecting women’s true fantasies, and Men’s Health must have listened because they’ve published a new list of women’s sexual fantasies — only these sound suspiciously like men’s top desires! After the jump, see what the publication is telling its (mostly male) readers we women want in the sack. Keep reading »
Last night I had the pleasure of guesting on Cosmo Radio on Sirius. One of things we discussed (in addition to the Hottest Guys With Irish Blood and Paul Rudd) was the public’s obsession with the ins and outs of celebrity sex lives. How weird it must be for, say, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, to know that thousands/millions of people actually think about them DOING IT? But Brian, Cosmo Radio’s resident male, clued us in on something startling. There are people — men, specifically — who think about US having sex. How we do it, what we look like when we’re doing it, and what it might be like to be the one doing it to us. In fact, he promised, we could count on the fact that at least five of our guy friends thought about us while they were jerking off. Say what? My guy friends, aka the Guys On Our IM, have potentially included me in their spank bank? I was honored, not disgusted by the notion, and therefore had to confirm… Keep reading »
Lately I’ve been kind of getting in touch with my kinkier side. Being that I didn’t really have a kinky side before, it’s a big deal for me that I’ve discovered the pleasures of, uh, ass-smacking. Now that it’s kind of my “thing,” I’ve been thinking about other people I know and their “things.” I once hooked up with this Brazilian guy in San Francisco (and by hook up, I mean we met at a club, went back to his weird warehouse apartment, and made out a little) and discovered that he had a thing for armpit licking. My armpit, that is. I’ve told this story numerous times and most people express disgust and/or concern that he could die from deodorant poisoning. (He didn’t, as far as I know, but we didn’t keep in touch.) One of the people who expressed disgust is someone I’m sort of seeing — but he has a thing for striped thigh high stockings, so I guess one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. After the jump, I grill the guys on my IM about what turns them on. We get off topic a few times. Sorry. Keep reading »