Tag Archives: family

Dear Wendy: “My Family Disapproves Of My Controlling Boyfriend”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 15, 2010 //

I have been in a long-term relationship with a guy that my family, and more recently I, found to be controlling and critical. I dumped him several months ago and then, after a month-long break, began to talk and hang out with him again. He is more remorseful than anyone I’ve seen in my whole life and has displayed nothing but kindness, humility and love for the past several months. I am considering giving it another shot as he’s the type of person who makes changes permanently (I’ve seen this many times from him in other areas of life). The problem is, I know my family does not approve. They especially don’t approve because of their staunch traditional beliefs that a person should marry someone of their exact same religion, which I no longer agree with. I am torn between listening to my family, who I know cares for me, and giving the relationship another chance. I don’t want to disregard my family’s advice, but I’m not sure if they are just biased because of my ex’s religious beliefs. I also don’t want to risk losing a great guy that I’m so compatible with. Please help! — Stuck In The Middle

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Dear Wendy: “I Think My Dad Is Cheating On My Mom”

Wendy AtterberryDecember 17, 2009 //

My parents have been married for 26 years and have several kids together, but I’m wondering if my dad might be cheating on my mom. He’s always been a big time workaholic. Growing up, he was gone all the time. He recently started his own business and got a second cell phone, for what, I can’t figure out. He’s kind of a private person, so if he were seeing another woman, I’m positive he could keep it from the rest of the family easily. He’s in charge of all the finances, so it would be pretty easy to hide any telling expenses. He’s always going out of town and comes and goes at weird hours. Also, my mom is very pushy, she’s always nagging away at my dad. Honestly, if he were stepping out on her I don’t think I’d blame him. She’s not my favorite parent, for sure. Since he pays for her cushy lifestyle so she doesn’t have to work and she’s constantly finding faults with him, it wouldn’t be a stretch if he were pushed to do this. She’s gained a lot of weight recently, and that’s really changed her self image. She’s always buying him books on how to be a more romantic and sensitive husband, Christian propaganda, etc. My dad suffered a recent midlife crisis and has made some really dramatic changes. Also, my parents have hinted at some rocky times in their marriage lately and my mom claims to be depressed but she promised my dad she wouldn’t tell me and my siblings why (this seems to be the biggest indicator). If there were a situation like this going on, NO ONE would know because my parents are obsessed with appearances and looking like the perfect happy family. As far as I know he hasn’t cheated on her before … but it could have happened. Should I ask my parents what’s going on? — Concerned Daughter

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Woman Getting Married: Why I Won’t Be Getting Laid During The Holidays

Woman Getting MarriedDecember 16, 2009 //

Let me preface this post by giving you some stats:

I’m 31. My Future Husband (FH) is 34. I was raised Jewish … but not really (meaning, I never went to temple). My FH was raised Catholic … but not really (meaning, he never went to church).

Now that I’ve shared, I can continue my story … Keep reading »

Fun With Family: Roman Polanski Ruined My Thanksgiving

Amelia McDonell-ParryNovember 30, 2009 //

Well, sort of. The director was at the center of an argument between my brother and I that started almost as soon as we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner.

[For reference: Polanski was apprehended by Swiss authorities, after he fled the United States in 1977 before he could be sentenced for having "unlawful sex with a minor," a lesser charge than the original six, which Polanski pled guilty to. (He was originally charged with "rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under 14, and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor.") Polanski fled the country before sentencing upon learning that the judge was planning on giving him jail time, despite the recommendations of a probation report and psychiatric evaluation, which both indicated that Polanski should be released on time served. For the record, Polanski served only 42 days out of the initial 90 before being released and making a break for his native France.]

I just assumed my brother shared my opinion that Polanski should be locked in jail and the key thrown away. When he didn’t — and said that Polanski should be released because he wasn’t a serial predator, that the judge in the case was on a witch hunt, and that the 13-year-old girl whom Polanski had sex with had “consented” and “maybe even took the drugs on her own” — I basically lost my shizz. Was my own flesh and blood not only being a rape apologist but victim-blaming as well? Keep reading »

Family Fun Or Family Feud? How To Handle This Thanksgiving

Xiomara Martinez-WhiteNovember 26, 2009 //

The first line of the Tolstoy classic Anna Karenina reads “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” – and the category your family falls into could make or break your Thanksgiving holiday. It’s often said that family gatherings bring out the worst in people, and every year, advice pours in on how to handle yours. Here’s a little bit of help this holiday season, whether you are happy or otherwise.

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How Do You Expect Your Family And Friends To Treat Your Ex?

Amelia McDonell-ParryNovember 24, 2009 //

When you break up with someone, how do you expect the people in your life to treat your ex? This Sunday’s “Modern Love” column in The New York Times explored that topic in an essay by Charles Antin. Antin had an amicable, cold-turkey breakup with his girlfriend of five years, and then found himself morosely following her life in the aftermath via Facebook. When his “technophile” grandfather joined the social networking site and befriended his ex — because of their shared love of Frangelico, it seems — Antin was angry. The column ends with a bit of a whimper — Antin confronted his grandfather, who ended up quitting Facebook entirely — but it got me thinking about how we expect our family members and friends to treat our exes, and how we expect their family and friends to treat us, whether the breakup was amicable or not. Keep reading »

When Does A Couple Become A Family?

Wendy AtterberryMay 21, 2009 //

My grandparents are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary this summer with a big party of family and long-time friends. I’ll be flying to St. Louis with my fiancé, my sister’s flying in from Austin, and my parents will be visiting from their home in Germany. It’ll be as much a family reunion as a celebration of my grandparents’ long marriage — a testament, really, to the bonds they’ve helped create and nurture over the last six decades. As a gift, one of my aunts wants to make a family tree, which seems like a nice enough idea. But when another family member alerted me that my fiancé won’t be included on the tree because our wedding isn’t until several weeks after my grandparents’ anniversary, it got me thinking: when does a couple become a “family”? Keep reading »

Can You Continue A Relationship With Your Ex’s Loved Ones?

Amelia McDonell-ParryJanuary 27, 2009 //

Last night I had a drink (okay, we had three) with my ex-fiance’s mother — she had called me previous to her coming into town and has asked if I wanted to meet up. I hadn’t seen her since about three weeks before our initial break/split/whatever, when she had come to town with her husband to meet my mom and see one of the spots we were considering for our wedding. Throughout the break process she was very kind and as supportive as she could be, given that I was in the middle of a relationship crisis with her son. I think she was so kind and supportive to me because obviously she is just a kind and supportive person in general, but also because she had come to think of me as part of her family — that’s why I think our breakup was so hard on her. And on me. Keep reading »

TMI: Mother/Daughter Douches

SimchaJanuary 5, 2009 //

The holiday season is filled with so many awkward family moments. Like, “Oh, pajamas. They’re, um… pink!” Or, “It’s a good thing Grandpa switched his prostate meds.” It can be scary stuff people, but I didn’t want to freak you out before you got cornered by a week’s worth of bonding time. Now that we’ve all officially survived the triumvirate of American high holy days, we can finally breathe a sigh of relief and laugh at this vintage mother/daughter moment. It left me with a not so fresh feeling — my lunch making its way back up. Guaranteed, nobody’s vagina stinks as much as this conversation.

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Can’t Female In-Laws Just Get Along?

Wendy AtterberryDecember 5, 2008 //

Despite all the mother-in-law jokes that poke fun at the tension between a woman and her son-in-law, a new report reveals that the real tension lies between a woman and her daughter-in-law. For her new book, “What Do You Want From Me?,”Dr Terri Apter, a psychologist and professor at Cambridge University, studied hundreds of families over two decades and discovered that while 15% of men reported issues with their female in-laws, more than 60% of women “admitted the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress.” Though some daughters-in-law reported abusive emails and the like from their husband’s mothers, a significant number of mothers-in-law also complained of similar exclusionary behavior. “’My daughter-in-law is so cold towards me,” said one 64-year-old mother-in-law. “She begrudges any time or attention my son gives to me and takes every opportunity to minimize the importance and depth of the bond he and I have.” Keep reading »

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