Tag Archives: face transformer

The Japanese Face Slimmer Leaves Us Speechless, Literally

If you want a thinner face or you are into Darth Vader chic, then I have the product for you. After mulling over the absurdity that is the Japanese Face Slimmer I understand the beauty process as follows: the mask smushes your face to slim it down. First, it melts the fat off your face by massaging your facial dermis—I have always thought there was a fine line between massaging and mauling. Then, the sweat produced from the poorly-ventilated mask combined with the sweat from your chubby cheeks acts as a sauna.

If you have the self-confidence to actually wear this face mask, then kudos to you. For the rest of us who lack egos of steel, a good (or even mediocre) bronzer can fake high cheekbones without the risk of permanently scarring your cat/boyfriend/neighbors, etc. [$32, Japanese Face Slimmer, Amazon] Keep reading »

Transform Your Face Into A Whole Lotta Ugly

Top Row: Original, Child, Teen; Middle Row: Afro-Caribbean, East Asian, Masculinese; Bottom Row: Modigliani, 50% Ape, Manga

How much do I love fun online gizmos which allow you to upload a photo and distort your appearance in bizarre ways? The Face Transformer allows you to see what you’d look like as a baby, a teenager (always uglier, fyi) Afro-Caribbean, East-Asian, Manga cartoon, or muse of Modigliani, amongst others. Needless to say, I look scary as anything other than a young adult white woman. Though I do think I am a touch fetching as a Manga cartoon. Now go have fun! [The Face Transformer] Keep reading »

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