If it’s been six months since you broke up with your ex and he’s still texting you daily asking what you had for lunch, you might be dealing with a stage-five clinger. Maybe you’ve found yourself wondering “what if” more and more, or perhaps you even met up with him to find out (how’d that work out for you?). Hey, maybe you’ve got us all beat and you and your former beau are the best of friends. We’ve all got exes, and with them comes considerable baggage — some good, some bad. Below are some of the types you’ve probably seen come and (hopefully) go. Read more on Tres Sugar…
To say I was shocked when I saw my ex-boyfriend Don’s name pop up on my phone last month is an understatement. But since then, we’ve been casually chatting, exchanging text messages here and there and rekindling our friendship. As difficult as it was not having him around for a while, I can now sleep easy knowing that his heart is no longer shattering into cookie crumbles every time we speak.
Last week, I was so concerned when I found out about my new guy Andrew’s hot, dancer ex-girlfriend, that the potential threat of my own ex resurfacing hadn’t even dawned on me— at least not until Don called me and suggested a visit. Realistically, Don is the only one of my ex-boyfriends who could jeopardize one of my relationships. Patrick Bateman is married (and nuts), Officer Handsoming was bland, GQ ghosted me, and so on. So, obviously, just as I’m getting to know Andrew, Don would come back in the picture. Hesitantly, I asked Don if he was sure about getting together since he’s spent the better part of the last year trying to get over me.
“If I wasn’t ready to see you, I wouldn’t have suggested it,” he replied matter-of-factly, and that was that. I knew I wanted to see him, too. Keep reading »
It’s been a month to the day since I met Andrew, my surprisingly charming OKCupid run-in who recognized me and introduced himself out at a bar. We’ve been hanging out pretty consistently over the last few weeks, going on dates every few days, and continuing to get to know each other. I can honestly say that the hesitations I had about his height when we first started seeing each other have subsided, and I’ve been able to tap into the real Andrew: his hopes, his dreams, his demons … and unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend.
Andrew and I were talking on the phone one night last week when his most recent ex casually came up in conversation. Without hesitation, I blurted out: “What happened between you two, by the way?” Upon realizing what I’d just asked him, I apologized for my bluntness and told him that I totally understood if he didn’t want to go into the story of his failed relationship. To my surprise, he wasn’t offended at all and gladly told me the tale of their fallout. In a nutshell, after several years of dating, Andrew and his ex moved in together and hit a rough patch when their dynamic completely changed. They went from a happily-in-love duo to bickering strangers in a matter of months. I’ve heard about couples who move in together and pretty quickly realize that they’re not as compatible as they thought, but I’ve never actually known anyone it’s happened to. Apparently, despite all of their efforts to work through their problems, they’d hit a point of no return. He ultimately ended things with her, leaving both of them understandably devastated. Apparently, he’d even set aside money for an engagement ring.
“But that’s the past, and I’m ready for the future now,” he told me. I was so grateful that Andrew felt comfortable enough to open up to me about his ex, and I recognized that my curiosity about it in the first place meant only one thing: I’m really starting to like this guy. But there was one problem… Keep reading »
When I fell in love with my fiancé Olivier, I knew he had some baggage. He had been married before and, admittedly, it bothered me a bit. I had always assumed that I would marry someone who was also tying the knot for the first time, but that’s not how it worked out. Olivier also has a four-year-old daughter, and although I’m what you would call a “kid person” — I’m pretty sure I don’t want my own — I loved him enough that I was willing to adjust and deal with the occasional inconveniences that a child of that age can present.
But what never really came into my head, as a potential obstacle, was his ex-wife. She was his ex, after all, but having zero experience at dating men with kids, it never really quite registered that maybe, just maybe, there would be some drama there as well. Despite having seen hundreds of bad rom-coms where an ex-wife does everything in her power to make the new wife miserable, I was not prepared to experience such a cliche in my own life. I wasn’t expecting an ex who probably had watched those same bad rom-coms, but mistook them for coaching seminars. Keep reading »
This week on Date-Ade, the advice series for all your existential dating dilemmas, I address the issue of rubbing your happiness in your crappy ex-boyfriend’s face.
If you have a sex, dating or relationship quandary that you’d like for me to try to unravel (no promises), send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @TheFrisky#DateAde.
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Maybe I should be over this by age 35, when the vast majority of my peers are on the procreation train and it’s just something I should be expecting, but I still feel a twinge of, I don’t even know what to call the feeling, when I discover that a guy I used to date has gone and made a baby. It’s not quite wistfulness or jealousy — but it’s certainly unsettling.
The other day I was scrolling through Instagram when I discovered that I guy I dated briefly a bunch of years ago was a parent. He posted a picture of his wife (?) and his 9-month-old daughter(!?), who looked eerily like his much younger, female twin (like, she had the same haircut as him…it was weird). His hashtag: #neverdreamedthisdaywouldcome. “Damn right, you didn’t,” I replied to my iPhone screen, enlarging the picture to get a closer look. Below, the range of reactions you can expect to go through when you find yourself in this situation… Keep reading »
Everything went swimmingly on date number two with Officer Handsoming. In fact, it was perfect. Much to my delight, he did not morph into a stage-five clinger, ask my breast size or give me any indication that we will ever end up on an episode of “Dateline.”
Instead, he took me to a new wine and burger bar (knowing that I’m a sucker for Cabernet Sauvignon and red meat), opened doors and listened intently as we chatted. Time flew by while we talked about the movies that make us cry (“The Family Stone” and “The Green Mile” for me, and “Remember Me,” for him), what it was like growing up with divorced parents, and how much we both love Jennifer Lawrence, because, honestly, who doesn’t? We continued the date back at my place, where we rented a movie, got under the covers and rounded first base like naughty teenagers. And when we finally stopped sucking face, I wore my newfound beard burn like a badge of honor.
“I really like you,” he told me. “I’m already looking forward to next time.” Keep reading »
In his new project, 12 SHOES for 12 LOVERS, artist Sebastian Errazuriz puts all of his past relationships on display as a collection of shoes. “When I started this process I never imagined where it would end up, it’s been infinitely more complex, revealing and difficult than I thought,” said Errazuriz, whose Shoes are currently on display in Miami. Well,I would think so.
His Shoes, with names like “The Rock,” “The Boss,” “The Virgin,” “The Hot Bitch,” “The Gold Digger” and the “Cry Baby” include personal photos and stories in which Errazuriz reveals “a glimpse of each relationship and in the process exposes himself to scrutiny and judgment.” (He also shares intimate details, which I’m sure they’re thrilled about.) The women’s names have been changed to protect their identities, but I’m sure they know who they are. And now, you will spend the rest of the day imagining what you would look like as a high heel. I think the shoe version of me would definitely have a face. After the jump, you can see a couple more of Errazuriz’s Shoes, I mean exes. [Laughing Squid] Keep reading »
You’re on your way to your local watering hole one evening and you spot something familiar in the gait, the walk, the hand gestures of a person heading your way on the street. You realize with sudden, sinking dread that it’s your ex who you haven’t seen since the breakup. You grab your best friend’s elbow and hiss in her ear, “That’s him.” You stay in place, paralyzed and unable to move, until she grabs you by the back of the arm and steers you across the street. You think yourself invisible while you stand in between two parked cars, waiting for him to pass.
Later, when you get a text that says, “Did I just see you outside that bar?” you wait two hours and numerous drinks before texting back in all caps “NOPE.” Near the end of the night, as you sit on top of a bar stool with your best friend like imperious, drunk queens, you blatantly ignore him when he enters the bar to retrieve his forgotten credit card. Likely story. Even with his sudden ambush, you manage to avoid contact. At the end of the night you collapse into bed with a glass of water in hand, and think to yourself, Crisis averted!
But really, was it? Keep reading »
“Why didn’t any of the guys you dated love you as much as I do?” my boyfriend asked.
The question hung in the air like foggy breath steaming up a cold windshield. It’s one of his favorite questions to ask. To him, it’s a mystery why other guys passed me over. It’s a riddle I love him for wanting to solve.
“I don’t get it,” he said.
“Me neither,” I shrugged.
These are the kinds of conversations you have four hours into a five-hour road trip, after you’ve listened to a Lorrie Moore short story on The New Yorker Fiction podcast and gossiped about people you know and stopped at an abandoned McDonald’s with one, lone carousel pony on display in the dining area. The pony looked out of place — like it was in search of its missing carousel. Keep reading »