Breaking news: men don’t want to have sex all the time. I know. Total shocker. Seriously, the expectation that anyone will want to have sex all the time is ridiculous. Sometimes your privates need to rest, dammit, or you’re just not in the mood. The other day, the Daily Mail published the results of poll about why men avoid sex. The survey was about erectile dysfunction, which we’re not going to talk about today. Instead, we’ll focus on some other popular excuses men came up with to get out of doing it. Assuming all the equipment was working properly and stuff, the most commonly cited get-out-of-sex excuses included the pets are watching, I’m too busy playing video games, and I’m too full. I’ve heard these all before. Even the pets excuse, which I thought was weird. Substitute “playing video games” for “listening to NPR” or “practicing guitar.” Naturally, I had to conduct an informal poll myself. Here are some of our favorite excuses. Please share yours in the comments. Keep reading »
Tag Archives: excuses
The Worst “Sorry I Didn’t Call” Excuses We’ve Ever Gotten
Why do guys say they’ll call and then never pick up the freaking phone? We may never know the real reasons, but we’ve heard some pretty lame excuses, from technical glitches to pet problems. Click through to read 10 ways men have tried to justify not calling. What’s the worst excuse you’ve heard? Keep reading »
It’s Not You, It’s Me — We’ve Got Lame Breakup Excuses
While flipping through a copy of People recently, I saw that in the “out” section of a recent Style Watch “in” and “out” list — sandwiched between things like “stainless steel home decor” and “molten chocolate cake” — was “long distance relationships.” This struck me as something that really could never be either in or out, so I had to hear the explanation.
“It’s part of a new green, eco-conscious attitude: Break up with your out-of-state boyfriend or girlfriend because it’s not sustainable, and date local!” Jennifer Ganshirt of Frank About Women, a marketing-to-women consulting firm, told the mag.
Granted, it makes for a lot of fantastic break-up lines: “Colin, it’s not you, it’s the environment,” or, “I think we should see more sustainable people” or even, “There’s another woman: Mother Earth.”
But beyond the fact that this is taking the green thing a little too far, is there seriously anyone who would actually use an excuse like this to break it off?
Apparently, there is. After quizzing friends, it turns out that there are even more lame ways to pull the plug. Read more … Keep reading »
What’s The Lamest Excuse A Guy Has Used To Cancel Your Date?
I was supposed to have a date tonight, but a few hours ago, I got an email from the guy explaining that he needed to cancel our rendezvous. The reason? His grandmother died. Whoa. Really? I wanted to believe him, but my gut somehow told me it was a lie. (If it does turn out to be true, then wow, I am a completely horrible and insensitive person.) For now I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, but it still made me think of some of the weird last-minute excuses I’ve heard from men before. And admittedly, some of the stories I’m guilty of concocting myself. (“Urgent deadline from my editor!”)
So, what’s the lamest reason—real or fake—that you’ve heard for a canceled date? A few of ours are after the jump. Keep reading »
7 Excuses For Getting Out Of Anal Sex
According to Amelia, anal sex is one of the things men love that women just don’t understand. Well, guys love the booty and they love doin’ the butt even more than chicken wings, gadgets, and boobies combined! While Dr. V has been teaching all of us how to have anal sex, not everyone is down for that kind of lesson. Now I don’t want to seem uptight, I know it’s perfectly safe and, in some cases, really effective. But personally, I’ve already been schooled in anal and although I flunked the final exam, I refuse to retake the class again, if you know what I mean. So, here’s how I’ve gotten out of doing that kind of homework over the years with my “7 Excuses To Get Out Of Anal Sex”:
1. Birth Defect: This one is my infallible favorite. How’s he going to question a medical problem in your tush? Most guys won’t ask for all the gory details because it sounds like a whole mess of TMI. Although, if you’re dating a doctor, you may want to go with options #2 through #7 (especially #6). Keep reading »
Your Holiday Party Excuse Generator
Sure, it’s the season of twinkling lights, favorite classics on TV, batches of cookies, and pitchers full of eggnog, but it’s also the season of those dreaded soirees with people you’d like to never spend another evening with, wine-soaked or otherwise. Whether it’s an office party you’d love to get out of, an ex who insists on remaining “friends,” or a former neighbor’s yuletide bash, the Holiday Party Excuse Generator can compose the perfect note to send to the host, so you don’t have to endure another evening making small talk with satin-draped people who make your skin crawl. Check out this awesome note the generator composed for me, and give it a whirl yourself! Unless, of course, you’re one of those rare people who’s never met an invite you can’t turn down. [Holiday.enlighten.com] Keep reading »
The Top Six Excuses For Getting Out Of Sex
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. Whether he’s a handsome stranger you don’t want to lead to the promise land or your boyfriend trying to gorge on girlfriend pie, here’s how to just say “Later lover.”
Sterilization Screw-Up A simple birth control slip up could cause penis pandemonium. No dude wants to accidentally make a baby just because he wants to make sweet love. So, just say you forgot to take the pill and would rather not risk it right now. He’ll probably thank you for protecting both of you! Keep reading »
