According to Amelia, anal sex is one of the things men love that women just don’t understand. Well, guys love the booty and they love doin’ the butt even more than chicken wings, gadgets, and boobies combined! While Dr. V has been teaching all of us how to have anal sex, not everyone is down for that kind of lesson. Now I don’t want to seem uptight, I know it’s perfectly safe and, in some cases, really effective. But personally, I’ve already been schooled in anal and although I flunked the final exam, I refuse to retake the class again, if you know what I mean.  So, here’s how I’ve gotten out of doing that kind of homework over the years with my “7 Excuses To Get Out Of Anal Sex”:

1. Birth Defect: This one is my infallible favorite.  How’s he going to question a medical problem in your tush? Most guys won’t ask for all the gory details because it sounds like a whole mess of TMI. Although, if you’re dating a doctor, you may want to go with options #2 through #7 (especially #6).

Sure, it’s the season of twinkling lights, favorite classics on TV, batches of cookies, and pitchers full of eggnog, but it’s also the season of those dreaded soirees with people you’d like to never spend another evening with, wine-soaked or otherwise. Whether it’s an office party you’d love to get out of, an ex who insists on remaining “friends,” or a former neighbor’s yuletide bash, the Holiday Party Excuse Generator can compose the perfect note to send to the host, so you don’t have to endure another evening making small talk with satin-draped people who make your skin crawl. Check out this awesome note the generator composed for me, and give it a whirl yourself! Unless, of course, you’re one of those rare people who’s never met an invite you can’t turn down. [Holiday.enlighten.com]

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.  Whether he’s a handsome stranger you don’t want to lead to the promise land or your boyfriend trying to gorge on girlfriend pie, here’s how to just say “Later lover.”

Sterilization Screw-Up A simple birth control slip up could cause penis pandemonium.  No dude wants to accidentally make a baby just because he wants to make sweet love.  So, just say you forgot to take the pill and would rather not risk it right now. He’ll probably thank you for protecting both of you!

Lindsay Lohan will play one of Betty’s old classmates on Ugly Betty in the May 22 season finale, and she’s expected to appear in five episodes next season. No word yet on whether she’ll have a Queens’ accent. In other Ugly Betty news, America Ferrera is not engaged. [AP and WENN]