What’s the kindest thing you can do for someone who’s getting married? Keep your mouth shut. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. If you’re asked for advice? Give it, judiciously. If you’re not? Please, please, please for the love of cummerbunds, hold your tongue. That goes for anyone, whether we’re talking parents of the happy couple or third cousins or that drunk dude at the bar.
When Patrick and I planned our wedding, which I will always remember fondly as being one of the most stressful times in my life, we were blessed with hands-off families and beer-in-hand friends who took their roles as sounding boards very seriously. The strangers, really, were the ones who gave us the most grief — the guy at the pub who wanted to know when we were having kids, the florist who couldn’t imagine a world without corsages, the saleswoman who told me I wouldn’t feel like a princess in a tea-length wedding dress.
What I wish I’d had then, and what I’m giving y’all now, is a handy list of phrases to keep in your back pocket for those moments when you’re so floored by a suggestion or bit of (bad) advice that you’re tempted to take it just to shut someone up. They’re all wedding-focused, of course, but I like to think they’ll work for anyone on the receiving end of a busybody’s interest. Keep reading »
After our wedding, when my husband and I finally got around to opening our gifts and noting who gave what for our thank you cards, we became concerned that a bunch of our wedding gifts might have been stolen. About a third of the 150 guests who attended our wedding did not appear to have given a gift — that seemed a little odd. However, I was aware that wedding etiquette says that you have up to a year after a wedding to give a gift, so I didn’t put too much worry into it. After our wedding, a number of friends and family members contacted us with questions like, “Where are you registered?” and “What is your mailing address?” I answered all their inquiries, but strangely never received gifts of any sort from any of the people who asked. Keep reading »
Shane Snow of the start-up Contently tackles the age-old question of how to properly greet a female colleague over at Medium yesterday, inspiring lively debate on the topic of hugs versus handshakes. Which is the least creepy, least offensive, most effective way to convey conviviality and mutual respect? A brief survey of The Frisky staff proved that neither is appropriate. Handshakes are stilted, formal affairs, appropriate only for job interviews. Hugs are more nebulous, usually based on a split second decision — the impulse to hug is a signal, a current present in the space between two people. The panic in this piece is palpable. Shane, let me help you. Let me save you from the “toilet of anxiety” into which you are spiraling. After the jump, find eight wonderful non-verbal options to greet women when a hug or a handshake just won’t do. Keep reading »
Maybe it’s because I’m a Virgo, or because I’m a hundred years old, or both, but seriously? People have zero manners or respect anymore. There are the people who don’t understand “quiet voice,” the jerks at the coffee shop who never say thank you, the asshats who insist on making other people clean up after them. These people are terrible. You don’t want to be these people, right? Good. That’s why we’ve assembled 24 easy-to-remember tips to ensure that you’re part of the solution and not part of the problem.
Click through to read.
Keep reading »
If you’ve ever worked in a coffee shop, you know it can be a stressful, crazy, demanding job. You spend all day dealing with cranky customers, getting chocolate syrup in your hair, pouring mugs of boiling milk, trying to keep your cool when the espresso machine breaks during a rush, and going home smelling like coffee beans–all for minimum wage. I reached out to baristas who work for international coffee chains and artsy little coffeehouses (and everywhere in between), and asked them one question: “What do you wish you could tell everyone who walks into your coffee shop?” Here is what they said, in their own words… Keep reading »
Finding the motivation to send a proper thank you note is almost impossible–unless I have a stack of beautiful thank you notes sitting on my desk, in which case I’m so excited to use them that I start thanking everyone for everything. Thank you, 5th grade teacher, for believing in me! Thank you, best friend, for being my best friend! And so on and so forth. Now I want to buy a pack of these gorgeous flowery postcards, and send one to the artist to thank her for designing them. [$10 for 10 cards, Rifle Paper Co.]
This morning on the subway, I overheard two men cattily complaining that it grosses them out when women put their makeup on in public. As someone who recently became one of those women, it made me want to whip out an eyelash curler and inflict some acute torture on them both.
Why does this bother people so much? Slate’s Dear Prudence is against public nose-powdering: “you are engaged in private activities they’d rather not be witness to.” A Japanese subway system once campaigned against it: “Please do it at home.”
Or, as the men on my train put it, “I don’t wanna see that shit.” But what “shit,” exactly, are we talking about? Is the acting of applying makeup really so gross? Is it impolite to destroy the fantasy that all women wake up with dark black lashes, rosy-cheeked complexions, no red veins around our noses, and perfectly arched brows? Read more…
Update: 4p.m. Well, that was quick. State Senator
Mary Marty Golden’s website has canceled the event. I guess you’ll have to learn your feminine wiles elsewhere. [New York Observer]
Please tell me this is a joke. This is a joke, right?
The office of a Republican politician in Brooklyn, New York, will be offering a class for women in his district about “Posture, Deportment, and Feminine Presence.” Ostensibly this is a career development event about etiquette, but the packaging is really, really WTF. Keep reading »
On Friday night, I had an online date that really fizzled. Everything was going just fine over chips and guac until he majorly stuck his foot in his mouth. He started talking about his ex-girlfriends (always a red flag!) and mentioned that several were depressed. He ended up giving much more than he got back in these relationships, he said. Women with depression are way too needy. He won’t date one again.
Well then, I thought to myself. I guess we should just get the check! I tried to be polite about what he was telling me. I suggested perhaps women with depression are attractive to him in some way, seeing how the pattern has repeated itself many times. I said that people with mental illness need to take care of themselves first, not be taken care of by anyone else, and maybe he might want to look into why he dates women who turn out to be “needy.” And then when I shared with him that I, actually, have had depression for years, he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. Keep reading »