Tag Archives: enthusiastic consent

The Majority Of Americans Support Enthusiastic Consent Policies

todays lady news
  • Most Americans support “yes means yes” campus consent policies. [Huffington Post]
  • In addition to today’s decision not to hear anti-gay marriage cases from five U.S. states, here are six other Supreme Court equality cases to watch this term. [RH Reality Check]
  • Charles Clymer, inspiration for the feminist #StopClymer hashtag, was awarded as a “Good Guy” by the National Women’s Political Caucus, despite many reported incidents that he is anything but. LAME. [Feministing] Keep reading »

Guy Talk: Consent Isn’t As Simple As “No Means No”

Guy Talk: Sex
no sex
Men don't want to have sex all the time. Read More »
Straight Guy, Trans Rights
Dan on why a straight guy like him cares about transgender rights. Read More »
Guy Talk: Friendzone
What guys need to know about the friendzone. Read More »

Back in my 20s, I used to party quite a bit, sometimes to ridiculous excess. Drunkenness was rampant, and so were the accompanying shenanigans.

Once, a large group of us took a limo bus downtown for a coworker’s birthday. On the bus was a girl I recognized from work, but had never met. We ended up chatting sporadically throughout the night. But since we were constantly moving around, our exchanges never lasted more than a few minutes at a time.

By the end of the night, she and I were probably the only two people still coherent enough to carry on a conversation. Back at the birthday girl’s apartment, everyone else having either passed out or stumbled home, we found ourselves sitting next to each other on the couch.

There had been a tiny sliver of flirtation between us, but mostly, it had just been idle chatter up to that point. To be honest, I hadn’t noticed any indication that she was the least bit interested in me. Then again, I hadn’t telegraphed any interest in her, either. But that was because I hadn’t been interested in her. Not until that moment, anyway. Keep reading »

8 Ways To Be Positive You’re Sex Positive

Gray-Sexual
What does it mean to be "gray-sexual?" Read More »
On Slutshaming
It's about controlling women through guilt and shame. Read More »
Anal Sex Fears
These are things that really keep us from having butt sex. Read More »

Here in the land of lady blogs, most of us believe that sex and exploring your sexuality is a great thing. “Sex positive” is the go-to term for this, which is the philosophy that all consensual expressions of sexuality are good and healthy. Sex positivity also includes advocating for sex education and safer sex. Sounds good, right?

But simply labeling yourself “sex-positive” doesn’t necessarily mean you are. After hanging around the sex blogosphere for the last couple of years, I’ve been schooled in the way I think about sex. After the jump, some things to keep in mind if you want to be truly positive you’re sex positive. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Consent Culture

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
New "Rape" Definition
A new definition of rape has been approved by the FBI. Read More »
Rape Checklist
rapists photo
A handy checklist of things that cause rape. Read More »

Today I’m going to fulfill a promise I made quite a while ago, and talk about what a consent culture would look like.

A consent culture is one in which the prevailing narrative of sex — in fact, of human interaction — is centered around mutual consent.  It is a culture with an abhorrence of forcing anyone into anything, a respect for the absolute necessity of bodily autonomy, a culture that believes that a person is always the best judge of their own wants and needs.

I don’t want to limit it to sex.  A consent culture is one in which mutual consent is part of social life as well.  Don’t want to talk to someone? You don’t have to.  Don’t want a hug? That’s okay, no hug then.  Don’t want to try the fish? That’s fine.  (As someone with weird food aversions, I have a special hatred for “just taste a little!”)  Don’t want to be tickled or noogied? Then it’s not funny to chase you down and do it anyway.

The good news is, there are things you can do to bring this about.  Things beyond just “don’t rape people” (although that’s an excellent start). Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Let’s Really Talk About Sex

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Date Rape PSA
date rape poster
This date rape PSA has been accused of blaming the victim. Read More »
Sex Resolutions
30 things we vow to do -- in bed! -- in 2012! Read More »

Enthusiastic Consent. I’m a fan. For any of you not in the know, Enthusiastic Consent is a way to make sure that yes really means yes and no means no, during sex. It’s an ongoing conversation during sex itself, where partners listen to all manner of cues to make sure that what’s happening is really wanted. Scarleteen has a good definition here. Enthusiastic Consent is a term designed to get people talking to each other about sex so that when the sex happens, everyone is on the same page, happy and in alignment with what’s supposed to happen. Keep reading »

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