The recession has been blamed for a ton of things, from an increase in sex work to a decrease in the fabulousness of Fashion Week (and pretty much everything in between). But, to its credit, the recession has also produced some very welcome casualties, like the imminent death of those awful Crocs...and Hummers (and at least 12 other terrible things). After the jump, 15 more things we wish the recession would get rid of.

How do you like your eggs? Donated! Hey, for a cool $5,000 during this recession, less periods sounds like a win-win kinda situation. And that’s why IVF donation clinics across the country claim their phones are ringing off the hook.

We’ve already mentioned how sales of lipstick and home hair dye have been on the rise since the beginning of the recession, and now the Telegraph U.K. is reporting that “racy underwear” is selling at a record rate, too — at least in England.

There’s a follow-up to a story we told you about the other day. Alina Percea, the 18-year-old who auctioned her virginity to a wealthy Italian businessman for $13,600, may have to give 50% of her earnings to the government who say her act was “tantamount to prostitution.” The Romanian-born teenager lives in Germany where prostitution is legal, but heavily taxed. “It is not a moral standpoint but a fiscal one,” an official said. “Prostitution is not an illegal act in Germany, but not paying tax on earned money is. Consequently we are assessing her case and it looks likely she will have to pay around half of the sum she gained.”  Alina may also get stuck with a big VAT bill (value added tax), which would work out to another 19% tax, leaving her with only $4,700 for the sale of her virginity (she’d hoped to make at least $75,000 to help pay for school). So, let this be a lesson to you virgins out there: skip the auction block and just give it up the old-fashioned way — slightly drunk and to some guy you feel so-so about! [via DailyMail]

In case your first sexual experience wasn’t awkward enough, Alina Percea, the 18-year-old who auctioned her virginity on a German website to help pay for college, is dishing all the details of her experience. Proving he’s a real romantic, the 45-year-old Italian businessman whose $13,600 bid won the auction paid to fly Alina to Venice — after she underwent to medical exams to prove her virginity. In Venice, the two toured the city before retiring to a luxury hotel for the main event. “‘We kissed, then undressed each other,’ Alina says. ‘I’d never done that before, so I was nervous. He laid me on the bed and started kissing my body, then we had sex. I was attracted to him, so I enjoyed it, even though it was quite painful.’” The next morning Alina, who, as part of the auction, didn’t use protection, enjoyed breakfast with the winning bidder “like any other couple” and took a morning-after pill. The romance doesn’t stop there, guys! “He told me he’d like to see me again, and I agreed.” Although the money raised fell short of the $75,000 she hoped to earn, she says, “I hope to see the man again. And next time I won’t make him pay!” Awww. [via DailyMail]

If there’s one thing we’ve learned during the recession, it’s that sex still sells. Sex workers are pulling in the big bucks, the online porn business is booming, and the sex toy industry is thriving. The only person not reaping the rewards? Hugh Hefner. Playboy has hit a major slump, reporting a loss of $13.7 million this quarter as advertising dipped 26 percent. The magazine is considering raising their $5.99 cover price and reducing the frequency and circulation of the magazine. Interestingly, the magazine represents less than a quarter of the company’s total revenue, which has insiders speculating that Hefner will offset its losses and keep it afloat despite its decline. Regardless, major changes are in store. Last week, we told you that photographer Terry Richardson shot a recent cover, giving the magazine some much needed edge, and this week Heidi Montag Pratt confirmed she’ll be posing for the magazine, all in hopes of boosting newsstand sales.

The rich get richer and the poor get babies. Well, not anymore! These tough times aren’t gonna stop hardworking American men, just their sperm. According to CNN, the recession is responsible for a rise in the number of vasectomies and urologists are cashing in by sealing vas deferens!

While the recession has screwed everyone, it’s really sticking it to a Romanian virgin. Grace Yataco, a Peruvian model, was offered 1.5 million for the chance to pluck her lady flower. Chaste Italian “Big Brother” star Rafaella Fico was offered 1.8 million dollars to be a whore on more than reality television. And here in the U.S., college student Natalie Dylan has been hocking her hymen to the highest bidder—so far, she’s got a $3.8 million dollar offer on the table. But for some reason, 18-year-old Alina Percea, from Romania, has only been offered a mere $7,000 in exchange for a whole weekend’s worth of sex. The beautiful, busty brunette is trying to raise enough money to go to college. But next to million dollar offers pouring in from pervs in other countries, it begs the question, what’s she doing wrong?

Turns out our turd economy is good for one thing: stripping. Applications to jobs in the adult entertainment industry have risen like adolescent boy schlongs in the last year. Today’s flashdancer could be a sad hottie simply downsized from her job at an imploding international investment bank…

It’s better than an unemployment check. One night’s work at the gentleman’s club Sin City in NYC brings in an average of $1000. Dancers at Rick’s Caberet in Miami will fold up to 300,000 sweaty dollar bills into their g-strings this year. Recently, 200 women showed up for a job fair at the Foxy Lady in Providence, R.I.

Back in January we reported that new data suggested more women were dying their hair blonde during the recession. Catherine speculated that the added boost in confidence from going blonde might increase a woman’s number of free drinks at a bar, something we can all appreciate during these lean economic times. But now a conflicting report says that one in three blond female employees is going darker in an attempt to keep their jobs during this economic downturn. Researchers found that 62% of people think brunettes look more professional than blondes, prompting 31% of female employees to go back to their roots.

A recent essay on The Daily Beast asks, “Do Male Enhancement Pills Really Work?” My response—who cares? Men clearly, but they shouldn’t. As the economy tanks, men not only make up the majority of those who’ve been laid off, they also are more likely than women to not handle it very well. Are men suddenly even more desperate to grow their wangs because they’re coming up short financially? If so, what a wasted endeavor—whether male enhancement pills (and contraptions and extenders) work or not is irrelevant. It’s how you use your member that really enhances your sexual resume, fellas.

The Hobopocalyse continues unabated: the stock market is at its lowest in twelve years, unemployment is at its highest in decades, and nobody knows how bad it’s going to get. But the good news is, I didn’t have to pitchfork-fight mole people for canned food today. Your 401K might be tanking, but canned food will always be valuable. And so will the shoulders of those you love and who love you back, even if, at this moment, some shoulders have to bear a greater weight than others.

According to a recent article in Newsweek, you can expect unemployed men, recent victims of the Great Recession of this still very new century, to revert to their lowest common gender stereotype. That means boorish frat boys decorating their fortresses of solitude with posters of bikini-clad hotties and crushing beer cans against their thick, Neanderthal skulls. And, for certain, a lot of men are being laid off. Since the economy began to crater in late-2007, four-fifths of the nearly four million people who have lost their jobs have been dudes.

In this economy, while men are worried about losing their jobs, they’re looking for something to hold onto. And that something is a big ol’ booty!  Finally, this gray economic cloud officially has its silver lining,  thanks to a recent study conducted at New York University. Their findings confirmed that when times are lean, men tend to describe their ideal mate as extra fatty! 

On a daily basis, the average American is cutting back on expenses BIG time, especially when it comes to their social lives. Dinners at restaurants have been replaced by cooking at home, seeing movies in the theaters, at a whopping $12 a ticket seems excessive when you can wait until the film in on DVD, and traveling? For fun? Not in this economy!

But one social activity that’s NOT seeing a dip in participation is online dating. According to The New York Times, Match.com had its strongest fourth quarter in the last seven years. An easy explanation is that though times may be tough, loneliness is loneliness, no matter how much money you have in your bank account. Rich or poor, employed or recently laid off, everyone wants to have love. With that in mind, here are four reasons why online dating is recession proof.

We all enjoy indulging in a guilty pleasure. It might be a drink after work, hitting the slot machines, or perhaps, if you feel Frisky-ish, renting a porn. But in tough economic times, the industries considered to be recession proof, like sex, gambling and alcohol, are feeling the pinch just like everyone else. People are cutting back on extravagant pleasures in life, like their porn habits, lap dances, and shots of tequila. Even Playboy has been hit hard by the recession—their stock is down by 80% in the past year, they’ve cut jobs, closed their New York office, and canceled their Super Bowl party. Private Media Group, a porn company based in Barcelona, Spain, saw revenue drop in the third quarter. Rick’s Cabaret International, a chain of high-end strip clubs, also saw a decrease in earnings. No wonder Hustler magazine publisher, Larry Flynt, asked the government for a $5 million bailout for the porn industry. Other “vice” industries are taking a hit as well. Gambling in Las Vegas was down more than 6% from last year. Alcohol consumption is still going strong, but people are switching to cheap brands of liquor as opposed to premium brands. I guess we have to find other cheap ways to entertain ourselves now. This video is a start! [MSN: Money Central]

In light of our strained economy, how can you keep your love life intact and still scale back on spending? Whether playing the field or in a couple, there are a number of free (or cheap) ways to mind your wallet without sacrificing your dating life. After all, a recession won’t keep you from finding love, it’ll just make you more creative!

By now you’ve probably decided what your New Year’s resolutions are—and chances are, some of them are somehow related to our current economic crisis. Have you resolved to start bringing your lunch everyday to save money? Decided to do your yoga workouts at home, rather than at a pricey studio? We sent our girl Lori out to find out some others…

The Times reports that champagne sales are down this holiday season and not necessarily because people can’t afford the bubbly.  Amid layoffs, foreclosures and other economic losses, as well as a shortage of the usual celebratory occasions like “mergers, closings, bonuses and office parties,” “People just don’t want to look extravagant today,” said Paul Grieco, a Manhattan restaurateur. “They still want to drink, so they cut out the Champagne and go directly to whatever they’re drinking with dinner.” Convinced this includes sparkling wine priced $10 to $20, “the sweet spot these days for good wine values,” the Times gathered a wine panel to taste test 25 bottles, admitting that, “While our price range was $10 to $20, most of the wines in the tasting were $15 to $20.” This makes total sense since a $15 bottle of sparkling wine looks so much less extravagant than a $15 bottle of champagne. “Let’s be honest,” the reporter mused, ”none of these bottles will match a very good Champagne. But they cost half what you would pay these days for the least expensive Champagne.” Half as much, huh? Clearly the Times has never heard of Andre.

So have you been cutting down on your Champagne toasts this holiday season because of the recession? And if so, what are you drinking it its place? [NYTimes]