Tag Archives: dumb criminals

I Feel You, Bro: Escaped Inmate Turns Himself In Because He Was Cold

This polar vortex is making people do all kinds of things that are totally out of character. Britney Spears is sharing insightful reflections about show business. “The Bachelor” contestants are trying to turn down roses. I’ve been wearing Uggs in public. Escaped convicts are turning themselves in because they’re envious of the heat in prison.

Well, at least one escaped convict did just that: Robert Vick of Hartford, Kentucky. Vick chose the worst possible week to escape from a minimum security prison in Lexington, and after attempting to rough it outdoors for two days as temperatures plummeted, Vick finally had enough. He walked into a motel and asked the clerk to call the police and ask them to please, for the love of God, bring him back to his warm jail cell. Police were more than happy to comply with Vick’s request, and today he’s nice and toasty again, albeit behind bars and with a much longer sentence ahead of him. I might normally file this in the “dumb criminal” category, but as I sit here typing this with a knit beanie and a scarf on, my only response is: I feel you, bro, and if your cell is any warmer than my office, make room, because I’m about to come join you. [People]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom

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Dear Vincent Valvo, AKA The Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom,

Man, moms can be so annoying, can’t they? Mine used to try to get me to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. when I was a sophomore in high school! Ridiculous, right? And your mom sounds like a real ball-buster, or at least I’m assuming she is, because you called 911 not once, but twice in one night to complain that you “didn’t like the way she was talking to you.”

You were arrested after making the second call, but if you ever want someone to vent to in the future, you can give me a ring!

Xoxo,
Winona

[Neatorama]

Applebee’s Customer Tries To Buy A Drink With Waitress’s Stolen ID

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Imagine this: your wallet gets stolen one night while you’re out with friends, and the thief uses your identity to write hundreds of dollars worth of bad checks. You report the crime to the police but they can’t track down a suspect. A couple weeks later, you’re waiting tables at your restaurant job when a girl comes in and orders a margarita. You ask for her ID, and… she hands you your stolen driver’s license. This is exactly what happened to Brianna Priddy, a waitress at an Applebee’s in Colorado, and she handled the situation way better than most of us would have: “I didn’t say anything,” Priddy told a local news station. “I handed [the ID] back to her and said, ‘Sure I’ll be right back with your margarita,’ went straight to the phone, called the cops.” Police arrived in minutes and arrested the woman for theft, identity theft, criminal impersonation, and possession of narcotics. Keep reading »

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