Alexandra Kerry, 36, the eldest daughter of Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, was arrested last night for allegedly driving drunk. The LAPD said Kerry was stopped on a Hollywood street at 12:40 a.m., failed a sobriety test and was charged with a DUI. [AP] Come on, Alexandra Kerry! Even the Bush twins didn’t get themselves arrested. Well, if this turns out to be true, maybe Alexandra will come around and be glad she got busted before she got behind the wheel and killed someone.

When I heard this weekend that Shayne Lamas, the gal who snagged Matt Grant in season 12 of “The Bachelor,” was the latest reality star to get busted for behind-the-wheel booziness, I groaned but was hardly surprised. Her arrest was as predictable as Stephanie Pratt’s a mere few weeks before. Yet reading both girls’ shocked, defensive responses to their ordeals—But I only had two drinks! I was practically sober!—I found myself cringing with a pang of empathy. See, a few years ago, just shy of my 21st birthday, I got pulled over for a broken taillight after having a not-yet-legal glass of wine at a dinner party. When the officer asked if I’d be drinking, I reacted the exact same way these two did. As a Dean’s List student at a top college who volunteered at the local children’s hospital, I thought I could do no wrong. I rattled off these accomplishments to the cop, sure that he’d let me off the hook. “Basically,” I said, no doubt looking and sounding like the naïve blonde sorority girl I was, “I am not the type of person who drinks and drives.” Except that, according to the Breathalyzer, I was.

This video is kind of amazing. Listen to the 911 call from Mary Strey, a 49-year-old woman in Missouri, who called to report a drunk driver on the road. “Are you behind them?” asks the operator. “No, I am them,” replied Mary. “Well, do you want to stop driving before you get in an accident?” asked the operator. Luckily, she does. Oh, but that’s not all. Watch long enough to hear from a Michigan police officer who called 911 to report that he and a few buddies had stolen some pot they confiscated from a criminal. “We made brownies and I think we’re dead. I really do,” he said. After last week’s 911 call from a woman who just wanted to ask a cop out on a date, we’re starting to think someone should build an entire reality show around hilariously bulls**t 911 calls.  [CNN]

What is the worst possible way to be woken up from your slumber at 4 a.m.? By a car crashing into your bed! No, this is not a cockamamie plot from a Hollywood action film; this is a real-life nightmare. Last week, University of Nevada students Kristin Palmer and Trent Wood were sleeping soundly when they were awoken by a car crashing through their bedroom window. At first they thought it was an earthquake, but soon discovered it was a car when they were engulfed in motor fluid and metal. Fearing an explosion or permanent paralyzation, they waited anxiously at first, and then they tried to stay calm while emergency workers freed them with chainsaws. Miraculously, they were able to wiggle out from under the car and did not sustain any serious injuries. How? They say they owe it to the saggy-ness of their bed—it prevented their bodies from being crushed. 

We have this really annoying habit as humans of thinking we’re invincible or that the one tragic thing that could happen in a situation won’t happen to us. Nowhere else is this more evident than with the drunk driver. Rarely does the driver set out to kill—he/she only wants to ride the high as they get from point A to B—but we know all too well that driving under the influence can kill.

And drunk drivers have been killing children recently in New York City. This month alone, three children have died as a result of riding in a vehicle driven by a woman allegedly under the influence.

The Sun-Sentinal has eight minutes of raw footage that shows four Hollywood cops conspiring to frame a drunk woman after they rear-ended her car. Watch it here. In February, 11-year police veteran Joel Francisco crashed his police cruiser into Alexandra Torrensvilas’ car while she was stopped at a traffic light. Some other crooked cops showed up and they all decided to fabricate a report so the accident looked like it was the Alexandra’s fault.

Shia LaBeouf was arrested on Sunday on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol. Now, he’s not the first celeb to be accused of driving while intoxicated. Above, see a handy chart showing how much time stars have served recently after being convicted of driving while drunk or on drugs. Most celebs get probation for their first offense, but since Shia had that incident in Walgreens, the judge might not be so nice. Our bet is that if Shia is convicted and sentenced to jail time, he’ll be on the lower end of the scale and serve approximately 85 minutes. [AP]

Do you have any handy tips to avoid drunk dialing/texting? I always wake up soooo regretful!—Bad Judgment, St. Louis, MI

Do you know why it’s against the law to drive while drunk? Or why you were forced to watch those high school specials that showed some kid/dog/old person getting pummeled by a drunk driver? It’s because drinking makes you act like a total idiot on the road. You weave in and out of lanes, burn your butt on cigarette ashes, and drop mini cheeseburgers on your lap. If you’re not allowed to get behind the wheel, do you think you’re allowed to talk on the phone? No need to raise your hand…the answer is NO.