In high school, I fell for a guy named Opie. That was not his given name but a nickname he had acquired along the way. I would have asked from where it had come, but I never found the necessary strength to even talk to him, let alone inquire about the particulars of his life. I was a 16-year-old magenta-haired dork who hung around the art studios both before and after school. I was in no position to start conversations with Kurt Cobain look-a-likes who rocked the same greasy locks and dresses that only the ’90s permitted without too many batted eyelashes.
Opie embodied that “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” mentality that I craved in a partner. I longed for a tortured soul, someone who was messed up enough that only drugs and alcohol seemed like the cure for the ailments in their world. In my naïve brain, I was the one who could save them, me and only me. From what I heard, after he left school, Opie got a girl pregnant and had his fair share of struggles with substance abuse. As for where he is now, I have no idea. Like I said, it was the ’90s, heroin chic was in the air and in the pages of Vogue, drug use was glamorized, and in all my sheltered cluelessness about the world, a death that resulted from substance abuse was a badge of a life lived to the extreme. I roll my eyes now at how both ridiculous and insulting that thought is to those who know the very dark side of drug and alcohol addiction, both personally and as an outsider looking in at a loved one. Keep reading »
Stupid people getting drunk is about to get stupider: powdered alcohol is on the way. A company called Palcohol was inspired to create powdered booze that can then be added to other liquids in order to make drinks. Powdered rum and powdered vodka are standalone versions or you could try powdered Cosmopolitan, powdered Mojito, powdered Lemondrop or the “Powderita,” a powdered Margarita. That totally sounds like some NASA shit right there. The inventor of Palcohol said he came up with the idea because he didn’t want to have to carry heavy bottles of booze around. But so far, Palcohol is staying mum on how they do it: “If we told you, we’d have to shoot you. We are in the process of patenting it and it is currently patent pending.” And despite earlier jokes that brought negative media attention, they also do not recommend snorting the powdered booze. Something tells me that will not stop some people from doing it anyway. But you can add them to sauces or or guacamole for a little extra kick. As tempting as a powdered Mojito sounds, I think I’ll pass on this one. [Palcohol via SB Nation]
Here are a bunch of other stupid ways to get drunk or high that WE TOTALLY DO NOT CONDONE YOU TRYING, you hear?
[Image of a mojito via Shutterstock]
Someone once told me drugs are bad. I think it was a man dressed like a dog, or a cartoon rabbit or something. I’ve taken that lesson to heart and only do molly after promising this will be the last time. Every time.
While we’ve all heard hilarious tales of bath salts zombies and heroin-addled buggerists, those are lame and predictable and somewhat depressing drug hijinks. Don’t people do hilariously misguided things when they’re high anymore? Aren’t there any stories that could serve as awesome subplots in a carefree ’80s sex comedy? Yes! Read some hysterical stories on Cracked…
They say that what you don’t know can’t hurt you, but that’s terribly misleading when it comes to drug laws. Guy Lanchester told police, “I don’t understand,” according to the Miami New Times. Read more on Huffington Post…