At a recent dinner party, my friend’s roommate poured guests another glass of white wine. It smelled crisp, cold, and juicy—clearly the sort of wine that prickles the gums, softens the face and transforms a summer evening into one soft-hued hum. She stopped at me. I held up my glass of sparkling non-alcoholic apple cider. “Cheers,” I said.
Three years after quitting drinking at the age of 27, I’ve accepted my role as the non-drinker at any given dinner party or social event. I’m happy with my decision to teetotal, but some of my peers are less so—for example, my friend’s roommate.
“So you’re not drinking? At all? Really?” Keep reading »
There comes a moment (or a couple hundred) in every young woman’s life when she says to herself, Man, I wish I hadn’t been so effing drunk. Of course, the natural remedy to these scenarios would be to, um, not drink? Or, you could drink Outox. The beverage, which was released today in France, has been called “magic” and “revolutionary,” as ingesting it supposedly lowers the alcohol content in your bloodstream rapidly. Which, claims Outox makers, would make you less drunk as well as help prevent hangovers. Keep reading »
Juuuust kidding. This is actually an Italian public service announcement to discourage women from drinking when there’s a bun in the oven and reads, simply, “When Mama drinks, baby drinks.” The disturbing ads, which will appear on buses, billboards and in women’s restrooms throughout the Veneto region, are in response to recent findings that 65 percent of Italian women indulge in a little vino during pregnancy. How do you say “fetal alcohol syndrome” in Italian? [Telegraph UK] Keep reading »
Party time’s over, Lindz! Days after Lindsay Lohan missed her court appearance while she
partied in Cannes replaced her lost passport, today she faced a Los Angeles Superior Court judge for a sentencing smackdown: a drinking ban, an alcohol bracelet and random weekly drug testing. Lohan also must attend all of her alcohol counseling sessions unless they interfere with a random drug test. All this and she’s not only out $100,000 for the bond posted for her arrest after missing last Thursday’s court appearance, but her creep-o father, Michael Lohan, attended today’s hearing (although he was mercifully not allowed to speak). Bummer, dude. At least her attorney says “they think they know” who “stole” her passport. So there’s some good news.
Lohan also took some out of her busy schedule to talk with Hollywood.tv about those her passport woes, partying rumors, her felonious father and those alleged coke photos. Her explanation: “I was just taking a picture with a fan!” Still, I feel kinda bad for Lindsay. Girlfriend looks hella stressed. [CNN] Keep reading »
I stopped drinking when I was 29. I was tired of the consequences outweighing the benefits — tired of calling in sick to work, tired of hooking up with people I would have run from sober, tired of crying and throwing things for no reason. Oh, and did I mention I was tired of all the drama drinking brought to my love life? Sure, there were the occasional incident-free drunken date nights. But when men were brought into the mix(ed drink), I didn’t tend to remain the cute, funny little version of me. My usually-sharp wit would dull into a mushy puddle of need. You know what I’m talking about: “You don’t realllllllly love me! I don’t believe you love me! I need you to love me! Do you promise you love me?” Ugh. Keep reading »
Call me prissy, but I avoid bars like I avoid men who wear bow ties. The loud music, the basketball game on TV, the syphilitic-looking bathrooms? No thank you. I’d much rather meet my girls for a Frappuccino or a mani-pedi, any place where the seats aren’t sticky. But if dive bars took a cue from the Brits, I might be convinced to change my ways: Greene King, a chain of pubs in the U.K., is revamping 1,600 watering holes to make them friendlier to female customers. According to London’s Daily Mail, Greene King pubs are wooing the ladies by offering larger wine glasses, decorating the bar tops with flowers and magazines, and filling the bathroom with free toiletries. “Pubs often fail to accommodate women eating and drinking alone or out with other female friends,” said Greene King’s director of recruitment. “Typically pubs generally target mainly men, under 25s and families, and we need to redress the balance.” Even though these perks are supposed to appeal to the so-called “SWAG” demographic — Sassy, Wise And Grown Up, meaning over age 35 — you won’t hear me complaining if someone girly-ed up the local dive. [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »
There are two types of holiday partiers: those who drink to enhance the merry quality of the season and those who drink to escape the torture of it. If you fall into the latter category you know it can be quite unseemly, so here’s this Christmas tree ornament that’s also a flask from Urban Outfitters. We know, you’re thinking, How is that not the most obvious thing in the world? Consider the following instructions: 1. Fill with vodka. 2. Place innocently on tree. 3. Now you have a stash to surreptitiously rely on during horrible family gatherings. (For my fellow Jew friends, you could try hanging this on the menorah, but that would both incur the wrath of bubbie Sadie and be a fire hazard.)*
Of course, the ornament flask works just as well for the jolly drinker who is all about Christmas—this will complement your Rudolph sweater perfectly. [$24, Urban Outfitters via Geekologie]
* You know we’re being cynics, right? Drinking in secret during the holidays is a bad sign. We prefer to raid the family liquor cabinet and do it out in the open. Keep reading »
You know when you drink way too much, do something stupid, and then have to face down the people you did said stupid thing in front of the next day? Evidently, peeps were having the same experience back in 9th century China. A form letter was recently found in western China, created by the Dunhuang Bureau of Etiquette, which made it easy for public officials to excuse themselves after drunken escapades. The translation is poetically amazing:
“Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realized what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.” [Neatorama]
Human beings came up with those brilliant words over 1,020 years ago, and we still don’t have floating space condos! We don’t even have eloquently scribed form letters anymore, do we? I guess that’s because we’ve been too busy drinking ourselves silly and looking for creative ways to get out of work. So, we haven’t really had the time to invent anything good? Let’s all give this a try and see if people are as forgiving as they used to be. First round’s on me! Keep reading »